JACKSON: Is this about the new living situation?
This is my family.
PAIGE: Please tell me you're kicking Billy out.
JOAN: Oh Paige--
JACKSON: And her.
JOAN: Jackson!
JACKSON: Mom, too.
I was hoping that Billy living with me would mean we'd see more of each other, but I didn't count on the fact that we'd never be alone.
But that's about to change.
ME: So I guess I don't have to remind all of you that my name is the only name on the lease.
PAIGE: But didn't you and Jackson move in at the same time?
JACKSON: I don't deal with leases. You never know when you're going to need to bail in the middle of the night.
ME: Exactly. Which is why I have the power to do what I'm about to do.
JOAN: Which is?
Deep breath.
ME: I'm kicking you all out.
Silence.
JACKSON: ...Hahaha...
PAIGE: You're serious, aren't you?
JACKSON: HahaHAHA!
JOAN: And here I thought Jackson was the sociopath.
JACKSON: HAHAHA!
Jackson stood up.
JACKSON: You can't do this.
ME: Jackson, Billy and I want to live together without there being people around all the time.
JACKSON: Then get a bubble. Get a biosphere! But you're not kicking me out of my apartment!
ME: It's not your apartment. Your name--
JACKSON: Fuck my name! Fuck the lease! And fuck you! I'm staying!
He walked into his room and slammed the door.
PAIGE: Um...ditto.
She walked into her room and slammed the door.
JOAN: Give it a week, Jeremy. You'll be begging for us to come back.
That's my mother for you.
The most unconvincing liar I know.
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