The Life of the Party

Hi, my name is Cal.

BILLY: I want a drama-free birthday!

What do you think the odds are of that happening?

Admittedly, I was already trashed by the time I got to Billy's apartment. I was also the last guest to arrive. But I'm no fool. Showing up to a birthday party on time is the equivalent of wearing a sombrero and peeing in the salsa.

One has to be classy.

When I got to the party, Ben and Nathan were out on the porch fighting, so I mosied around them and went to find more booze to keep the alcoholism going strong.

I also wanted aforementioned salsa.

(For some reason, being drunk makes me want to dip things.)

I found Billy and Joey in the kitchen chatting.

ME: What's with the black cloud outside?
BILLY: Ben's being a dick.
ME: So much for his reformation.
BILLY: Part of me wanted to tell Nathan not to bring him.
ME: So why didn't you?
JOEY: Because Nathan wouldn't go for it.
BILLY: Because he's in so much fucking love it hurts.
ME: Whoa, when did you become a sailor, little lad?
BILLY: When I finally met the perfect guy and he fell for the perfect asshole?

Billy took off leaving me with Joey.

Things immediately got awkward.

ME: I'm drunk.
JOEY: I'm in love with Nathan too.

Time for me to leave the kitchen.

A few minutes later, we were all back in the living room. Nathan and Ben had made up and were cuddling on the couch. Joey and his boyfriend Davis were on an armchair doing the same, although I kept noticing Joey looking over at Nathan. Hank, Ritchie, and Jeremy were over by the refreshment table. Carter was in Billy's bedroom going down on whomever happened to be in there at the time. Eli was dancing to the music in his head.

All in all, a normal college theater birthday party.

ME: I'm bored.
BILLY: I'm pissed. It's my birthday and I'm single.
RITCHIE: Wow, if you were British and fat we could call you Bridget.
ME: I have a way to cheer you up.

I went over to the light switch.

ME: When I hit these lights, everybody has to kiss somebody.
BILLY: Cal, I don't know about--
NATHAN: Easy for us, right honey?
BILLY: I'm in.

I hit the lights, and immediately felt someone grab me and push me up against the wall. After about a minute, somebody flipped the switch.

It was Jeremy.

JEREMY: Sorry, but I thought I heard Carter's voice near me and no way was I letting--

Then he saw who was kissing me.

BILLY: Um...hey.
ME: Hey.
BILLY: You were close by.
ME: That's cool. Happy birthday.

He smiled at me.

BILLY: Yeah, happy birthday.

I looked over at the rest of the guests and knew that by Monday morning this was going to be all over the fish bowl.

I'd feign frustration, but let's be honest--

It's the price you pay for being the life of the party.

Captured

Hi, my name is Ben.

NATHAN: We need to talk.

I'm a dead man.

I guess I shouldn't joke around with the word "dead" considering all that's happened, but as much as I'd like to think that Old Ben is long gone, the truth is he's alive and well.

After the accident, I decided to look at everything as a new start. Everyone at school hated me for what I said that night at the club, so I just pretended like I didn't remember it, and then everything was fine.

For the most part, I'm the type of guy people want to like, and now they could keep on liking me and everything would be great.

NATHAN: Everything's great.

Except for the fact that Nathan is determined to tie me down.

NATHAN: I want you to be my boyfriend, Ben.

The word "boyfriend" kind of puts me off. I'm not even entirely sure I'm going to be gay forever yet, so how can I make any kind of a commitment to someone?

So I said--

ME: Okay.

Don't ask me why. I guess it's just something New Ben has to do.

NATHAN: Amazing. I'll go put up an away message about it.

Part of me really hopes that Nathan understands how I am, and what that means in relation to dating me...

That must be the part that had the concussion.

The Mayor of Providence

Hi, my name is Davis.

ME: Time to get plastered.

I'm about to get plastered.

Jeremy and I were out for the night--first stop Vivian's, a restaurant/bar that all the club patrons frequent when the night is young.

Vivian herself came over to our table.

VIVIAN: Well, if it isn't the King of Providence.
JEREMY: Please Viv, can we keep the paparazzi at bay for the night?
VIVIAN: How you boys doing?
ME: I'm not drunk yet, so I'm only halfway decent.
VIVIAN: You never used to be much of a drinker.
ME: That's because I never used to be taken.
VIVIAN: Huh?
JEREMY: He's off the market, Viv.
VIVIAN: Wow, knock me over with a twink's pinky finger. Sprite and a Rum Tum Tugger?
ME: You got it.

She went to go get our drinks, which was when I noticed all the gays huddled around the television.

ME: I didn't know American Idol was on tonight.
JEREMY: It's not.

We got up and went over to the bar to check it out.

Apparently, it was some sort of press conference. The Mayor was on television addressing a group of reporters.

ME: What's this all about?
VIVIAN: You're not going to like it, Davis.

And pretty soon, I heard why.

MAYOR BURKE: Providence has long been a city known for attracting alternative lifestyles. What I ask you is, whether or not we want that distinction? Do we want to be known for our educational pursuits? Our stellar cultural achievements? The glorious sheen has city has every time the night descends upon it? Or do we want to be known as a cesspool where the morally degenerate gather on street corners to hock drugs and hand out booze to minors? Encouraging them to engage in ungodly acts in back alleys and bathhouses?

A roar erupted from the crowd at the bar.

MAYOR BURKE: So I'm starting the new Mayor's Initiative--from this point on, I will wage a war on the people polluting this city--

I could feel Jeremy stirring beside me.

JEREMY: Why doesn't he just say the gay community, that's who he means.

But I couldn't tear my eyes away from the television.

MAYOR BURKE: --And may those who try and stop me--be warned. Thank you.

And that was it.

JEREMY: He won't be able to do anything.

As if on cue, a guy burst into the restaurant.

VOICE: Hey! They just closed Prisms!
VIVIAN: What?
VOICE: They said they caught them drug trafficking!

I looked over at Jeremy.

ME: You know what this means, right?
JEREMY: We're going to war.
ME: You bet we are.

For the first time in my life, I'm shaking.

Truce

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

ME: I'm sorry.

I never apologize.

JOEY: Oh.

But I guess there's a first time for everything.

Joey was sitting on the couch when I went to pick up Davis for a night out. He and I hadn't spent any quality time together, and we thought it would be a good idea to have a bff's night out.

When I got there, he was in the shower, so Joey let me in. He went back to watching t.v. on the couch, and we experienced a rather awkward silence until I sat down next to him and--

ME: I'm sorry.

--there it was.

JOEY: You don't have to--
ME: Yes, I really do. I was jealous of you, and that was more of the reason I started this whole...thing...moreso than the fact that I found what you did morally corrupt. I mean, I'm friends with Davis; if I really had a problem with immorality I would have cut ties with him a long time ago.

Joey laughed.

JOEY: So why were you jealous?
ME: Because for the first time I saw my best friend care about someone more than me.
JOEY: He doesn't though.
ME: No, trust me, he does.
JOEY: Jeremy, I have to tell you something--

But before he could, Davis come out of the bathroom--not wearing a towel, of course.

ME: I'd look away but it's been so long, my eyes are protesting.
DAVIS: Soak it in, baby.
ME: Okay, now I can look away. Get dressed.
DAVIS: How long do I have before you two start clawing at each other?
ME: Actually, we just called a truce.
DAVIS: Excellent. I'll hand out the lollipops after I get back.

Then he went into his room.

ME: So what did you have to tell me, Joey?
JOEY: Oh...um...never mind.

I gave him a hug and went into the kitchen to get some pre-clubbing cereal.

Normally I'd be more curious about what he had to say, but truth be told, I already knew.

Outed

Hi, my name is Eli.

WILDE: Tick Tock, Eli.

Time to put a stop to this.

I went to the hospital to see Ben, and by see I mean, smother him with a pillow.

When I got there, I expected to find him weak and immobile, but instead, he was sitting up eating yogurt.

Hmm, I thought, maybe I could just stick a syringe in his--

BEN: Hey Eli.
ME: Ben!

Or should I say Wilde?

BEN: What are you doing here?
ME: I thought we could have a little talk.
BEN: Sure, but I'm about to be released.
ME: Oh, don't count your chickens--

Just then, my phone rang.

ME: Hold that thought.
BEN: What thought?
ME: Exactly.

I answered.

BILLY: Eli?
ME: What is it, Billy? I'm kind of busy.
BILLY: Did you know you're in the Wilde Blog?
ME: Huh?
BILLY: The newest entry was just posted.

I looked over at Ben.

ME: Have you had internet access in here?
BEN: Eli, I got hit by a car--

Dammit!

BILLY: Wow.
ME: What does it say?
BILLY: It says you're...um...
ME: Billy?
BILLY: This is awkward.
ME: Just say it!
BILLY: It says you're RI's hottest closet case.

Oh f**k me.

BILLY: And there's a reward to anyone who can prove they've slept with you.
ME: WHAT?

I was out of there. I could hear Ben calling after me, but I had bigger fish to fry.

It didn't matter anymore if I found Wilde. Right now I had to do something else.

Damage control.

The Big Announcement

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME: Everyone, please take your seats.

My life is about to change.

I had assembled everybody in the Fish Bowl--Jeremy, Joey, Ritichie, Carter, Billy, Nathan, Cal, Eli--even Murray.

RITCHIE: What's this all about Hank?
ME: Everyone--

I almost couldn't get it out. I had to learn forward just so the words would spill towards them--

ME: I'm gay.

They all took a minute to look at each other, and then--

CAL: That's it?
ME: What do you mean 'that's it'? I just admitted that I'm gay.
RITCHIE: That's like admitting that grass is green.
CARTER: Or that butter tastes like onions.
RITCHIE: Wait--what?

Jeremy came up and gave me a hug.

JEREMY: I'm proud of you, Hank.
ME: So you didn't know?
JEREMY: Hank, we've kissed before.
ME: But I never said I was gay!
JEREMY: Kissing kind of does away with that need.

He started to walk out.

ME: Where are you going?
BILLY: Isn't that all you wanted to say, Hank?
JOEY: Do you want to have a talkback or something?
MURRAY: I have...a meeting...Yeah, let's go with meeting.

Pretty soon they all were filing out, and I was left with just Nathan.

NATHAN: If it's any consolation, Hank, I didn't think you were gay.
ME: Really?
NATHAN: Yeah, I thought you were asexual.
ME: Great.
NATHAN: I don't get it. Aren't you happy that your friends don't care that you're gay?
ME: It's just that...now I don't have anything to hold onto.

Nathan came over and patted me on the back. Then Eli popped his head back in.

ELI: Hey, one thing--
NATHAN: You're coming out, too?
ELI: Coming out of where? Hahaha... Anyway--Hank, how many guys have you slept with?
ME: Like five.
ELI: So you think sleeping with less than five could mean you're still straight?
ME: I guess, I mean--
ELI: Thanks. That's all I was curious about.

He took off.

NATHAN: Somehow I doubt that's the only thing he's curious about.

I wanted to laugh, but just couldn't.

Now I was just another gay man...

...in a catty, catty gay world.

The New Boy in Town

Hi, my name is Joey.

NATHAN: Joey, do you need help with that?

I'm in love.

It happened at rehearsal.

Nathan and I were going over a dance move for the musical when it hit me.

He's got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

And I was all like, whoa...whose that voice speaking in italics?

Then it hit me.

I'm in love with Nathan Sinclair.

NATHAN: So you think you got it?
ME: Love.
NATHAN: What?
ME: Yes, I love the steps.
NATHAN: Cool. It'll be a lot easier to do the number when Ben's back.
ME: Oh, that's right. You like Ben.
NATHAN: I more than like him.
ME: Really?
NATHAN: Yeah. Seeing him handle what's happened to him with such poise and--
ME: Bullshit.
NATHAN: Huh?
ME: That it took me so long...to get the steps.
NATHAN: Don't be so hard on yourself.

He patted me on the shoulder.

Then he smiled at me.

Angels gave birth to little turtles named Fred.

NATHAN: So how are you and that guy Davis doing?

Oh right, I'm seeing someone...sort of...

ME: We're doing...um...it's weird.
NATHAN: I've been there before.

Touch me with your aura, please.

ME: Have you?
NATHAN: Sure. My feeling is, when you're meant to be with someone, you just know it.

And I knew it.

Oh boy, did I know it.

Pull the Plug

Hi, my name is Billy.

NATHAN: Benny, babe, you look so goooood.

I'm throwing up in my mouth.

I agreed to go with Nathan to see Ben in the hospital. He'd taken a turn...for the better, and was probably going to get out earlier than expected.

Nathan, on the other hand, seemed to have a terminal case of Florence Nightingale syndrome.

BEN: I can't wait to get out of this bed and back into yours.
NATHAN: Awww, you're so bad. Isn't he bad, Billy?

Oh, he's a real motherf--

ME: I'm glad you're okay, Ben.

...Although if you had been struck mute, I can't say I'd be devastated.

There was another perk to him being laid up.

Ever since Ben got taken out of commission, Nathan and I had been spending a lot of time together, and I'd really been enjoying myself.

Part of me thought that if I could just keep Ben out of the picture for a little while longer, I might actually had a shot at wrenching Nathan away from him.

Maybe that's why my eyes kept drifting to his I.V.

NATHAN: So, you're cool with rescheduling, Billy?
ME: Huh?
NATHAN: Dinner tonight? You're okay with doing it some other time? I want to get my room all set for when Ben gets out tomorrow.
ME: Oh, sure. That's cool.
BEN: Hey Nate the Great, can you go grab me a soda from the nurse's station?
NATHAN: Sure, babe.
BEN: With ice?
NATHAN: Yeah, no problem.

Nathan gave him a kiss on the cheek and took off. Then Ben's gaze zeroed in on me.

BEN: Stop.
ME: Stop what?
BEN: You know what.
ME: No, I really don't.
BEN: That golly-gosh-gee 'I'm a virgin' act might work with everyone else, but don't go trying it on Nathan.
ME: What happened to the new leaf you were going to turn over?
BEN: Turning over a leaf and becoming a push-over are two totally different things. Now, back off.
ME: Um...how about...make me?

I was fully expecting to leave when he said--

BEN: You know, it's funny. One minute you don't remember something...

I saw Ben nearly get hit by the car, so I called out to him.

He jumped out of the way just in time, and walked over to me.

BEN: Lousy night, huh?
ME: You didn't exactly make it any better.
BEN: I said what I had to say.
ME: Oh right, word of God.
BEN: Whatever.

He started to walk away from me.

ME: You should stay away from Nathan.

Then he stopped and turned back towards me.

BEN: Excuse me?
ME: He deserves better than you.
BEN: Wow, that's what Jeremy said about you.
ME: He was right.
BEN: And yet you made your own decision. So why don't you let Nathan do the same?

He started to walk away from me again so I went up and grabbed him by the shirt.

BEN: Hey, let go of me--

He tried to push me away, but I pushed him instead.

Right into the street.

Right into the car.

And I was running before I saw the car pull away.

BEN: ...And suddenly it's all so clear.

Part of me really believed he'd never remember, but now that he had--

BEN: I'm not going to tell anyone. Provided you do what I tell you, and leave Nathan alone. Go find someone else to adore your holiness. Nathan likes the bad boys.

Like clockwork, Nathan appeared in the doorway with Ben's soda.

NATHAN: Here we go, plenty of ice.

I smiled through my teeth, through my fury, through my fear.

It seemed reasonable to think I was going to be smiling like this a lot from now on.

The Crime

Hi, my name is Carter.

JEREMY: Just say what happened.

I'm a criminal.

I was walking to my car when I saw Joey sitting on the sidewalk. Everyone tried to get me to go with the ambulance from the club, but I didn't feel like it. I didn't feel like doing much of anything except going home.

ME: Hey Joey, you okay?
JOEY: Yeah, I just jumped out of a moving car.
ME: Oh.
JOEY: What about you?
ME: I fell down the stairs at the club.
JOEY: Wow, we're like stuntmen.

I laughed, but it hurt, so I stopped.

ME: Do you need a ride home?
JOEY: Are you okay to drive?
ME: Yeah, I should be cool.
JOEY: Good, because I'm totally not.

So we got into my car and I started driving. Then before I knew it, I was going fast and everything was a blur. I didn't even think to stop until I heard Joey yell--

JOEY: Carter, watch out!

Then I felt it.

I hit something.

And Joey yelled again--

JOEY: Go!
ME: What?
JOEY: Don't stay here! We're both drunk. Go!

So I went, and I didn't look back.

JEREMY: So you hit Ben.

We were all at Davis' apartment. Jeremy, Davis, Joey, and me. We were trying to figure out what to do now that Cal knew it was me who did it. The only reason anyone else cared was because Joey was in the car and he was the one who told me to take off so he could get in trouble, too.

ME: We shouldn't have left him.
JOEY: We didn't have a choice.
DAVIS: So nobody else saw you guys hit him?
ME: Nobody else has said anything.
DAVIS: So we just need to shut Cal up.
JEREMY: Davis--
DAVIS: Look, it's a victimless crime.
JEREMY: How do you figure? Ben's lying in the hospital!
DAVIS: Oh right, everybody's favorite person.
JEREMY: That's not the point.
JOEY: You said Ben is going to be okay.
JEREMY: The police are looking for you guys!
CARTER: I should turn myself in.
DAVIS and JOEY: No!

There was a knock on the door.

JEREMY: Who's that?
DAVIS: Cal.
ALL: WHAT?
DAVIS: I believe in dealing with problems head-on.

Davis went to the door, and sure enough, Cal walked back in with him.

CAL: Well, if it isn't Mr. Hit-and-Run.
DAVIS: Cal, we haven't been introduced. I'm--
CAL: I know who you are. Now do you mind telling me why I'm here?
DAVIS: Apparently, you think you saw Carter here hit Ben with his car.
CAL: I don't think I saw anything. I know what I saw.
DAVIS: Really? That's funny. Because a few of my friends told me when you stumbled out of Bowie's you were practically unconscious--
CAL: That's--
DAVIS: And on the arm of a man old enough to have founded your family. A man known for being very generous when he wants something.
CAL: I don't like where this is going.
DAVIS: You don't have to like it. You just have to keep your mouth shut. Ben's just fine, and there's no reason anybody has to get into trouble. Don't you agree?
CAL: Actually, I don't.
DAVIS: Then maybe you'd like it known throughout Providence that you offer your services for money.
CAL: I could care less what people think.
DAVIS: Oh really? How'd you like the cover at every club you try going into to rise about fifteen dollars? And do you enjoy being served at all the bars with briskness and non-watered down drinks? Do you ever plan on getting laid with someone who doesn't remember the first World War?
CAL: You can't make all that happen.
JEREMY: Oh yes, he can.
DAVIS: You're going to stay quiet, or you're going to disappear.

Cal knew he was beat.

CAL: You're doing all this to protect Carter?

Then he looked over at Jeremy and Joey.

CAL: Or are you protecting someone else?

Davis put his hand on Cal's shoulder.

DAVIS: You can leave now, thanks.

And with that, he showed him to the door.

DAVIS: You'll be fine now, Carter. Go home.
ME: You really don't think he'll talk?
DAVIS: Even if he does, nobody will believe him. I'm going to start discrediting him by tomorrow.
JEREMY: Davis, you didn't--
DAVIS: It's what has to be done, Jeremy.

Jeremy grabbed his coat.

JEREMY: Fine, but remember something--

He looked over at Joey.

JEREMY: --There are some people that aren't worth protecting.

Then he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

DAVIS: Do you see what all this cost, Carter?
ME: Yes.
DAVIS: Then I hope you appreciate it.

I did, but there was another part of me that still felt guilty. A part that wasn't sure I wouldn't say anything to Ben about what I had done.

How do you do something like that to the person you love and not beg for their forgiveness?

I guess I would have to figure that out on my own time.

The Good Samaritan

Hi, my name is Cal.

RITCHIE: Ben says he doesn't remember anything.

I'm debating whether or not to be a Good Samaritan.

It's Monday morning, and the Fish Bowl is buzzing about Ben's accident and the fact that he seems to have developed a mild case of amnesia.

Up until now, I've kept my mouth shut about what I saw, because I'd rather avoid the question of why I didn't stop to help Ben when I saw him get hit by the car.

ME: Oh! Because this old, gross guy who buys me things had slipped something into my drink and I was kind of out of it.

Yeah, I don't think so.

Ritchie was relaying everything Jeremy had told him after seeing Ben in the hospital.

ELI: So Ben never ended up going home that night?
RITCHIE: Nope.
ELI: Oh...That's...okay.
HANK: Why do you want to know?
ELI: Just curious, okay? JC-Seriously.
ME: Huh?
ELI: JC-Seriously--it's new lingo. Get with it.
ME: I'd rather get to class.
RITCHIE: I'll join you.

We were walking outside when a car came barreling down the road, almost taking out Ritchie.

RITCHIE: Whoa! Watch where you're going!

It was the car.
The car that ran down Ben.

I started running.

RITCHIE: Cal, where are you--
ME: Sorry. I'm running really late!

The car made a right turn into the parking lot behind the Psych. building. I followed it and managed to catch my breath just as it took the last spot.

I made my way up to the car just as the driver was getting out.

ME: Oh great.
CARTER: Hey Cal--

It was Carter.

CARTER: --What's up?

Well, why not lay all the cards out on the table.

ME: You did it.
CARTER: Huh?
ME: You're the one who hit Ben and took off.
CARTER: What are you--?
ME: Don't lie to me, Carter. I saw you.
CARTER: Cal, just listen--
ME: No. No chance. I wasn't going to say anything, but you know what? Look at you. You're still riding around like nothing's happened. Like you got away with it. Well, guess what? You didn't get away with anything. I'm bringing you down.

And I walked away from him.

As for why I didn't stick around to help Ben...

That's a question I doubt anyone will bring up. After all, they'll be so grateful I decided to help, what'll it matter that I waited a day or so to do it?

Leona Lewis, Angel of Death

Hi, my name is Ben.

LEONA LEWIS: Hi Ben.

Apparently I'm dead.

LEONA: No, you're not dead.
ME: Then why am I here?
LEONA: Because you and I need to have a talk.
ME: I don't get it. You're not dead either.
LEONA: I just took on the image of Leona Lewis. I'm actually the Angel of Death.
ME: Oh great.

I looked around. I was in Billy's dorm room.

ME: What am I doing here?
LEONA: Ben, you're going to use what's happened to you as an opportunity to change your life.
ME: Um, okay...
LEONA: Look at Billy.

All of a sudden, there he was--on his bed--crying into his pillow.

LEONA: After a night of emotional push-and-pull from you.
ME: Hey, it's not like we were married.

Then we were in Jeremy's room. He was lying on his bed as well, staring up at the ceiling.

LEONA: And then there's Jeremy, the night you stabbed him in the back.
ME: All's fair in love and gay sex.

Finally, we were outside the club--that night. And I could see myself telling off the guys. I admit, I looked pretty hammered.

LEONA: Not a pretty sight, is it?
ME: I just spoke the truth.
LEONA: Oh, you did, did you? Well then, how's this for truth?

All I could feel was heat--strong heat.

LEONA: If you don't change your ways, things aren't going to go so well for you, Ben.

I saw an old man sitting at a bar, drinking a beer, alone.

ME: God, tell me that's not--
LEONA: Shape up, kiddo.

I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you

VOICE: I think he's waking up.

Keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding

VOICE: Jeremy, turn off the radio.

My eyes are opened. Nathan, Billy, and Jeremy are all standing at my bed.

ME: What...
NATHAN: It's okay, sweetie. Just relax.
BILLY: You were in an accident.
ME: I...oh God...

I closed my eyes, but I could hear Nathan's voice, asking me--

NATHAN: Ben, do you remember who did this to you?

And I did. But I'd already made the decision.

I wasn't going to tell.

Late Night Visitor

Hi, my name is Davis.

ME: What do you mean he got run over?

My friend Jeremy tends to have a flair for the dramatic.

He called me close to 3am after a harrowing night that ended with Joey jumping out of my car onto the street to let me know that his ex-buddy Ben had been in some kind of an accident.

Apparently he had gone with him to the hospital and was now outside waiting for word on Ben's condition.

JEREMY: A car must have hit him. What else could have happened?
ME: Maybe karma turned into a Honda and took the bitch out.
JEREMY: Davis, this isn't funny. He's really hurt. And whoever did this must have just took off.
ME: Good. Maybe now he'll learn to appreciate what a community can offer when it bands together.
JEREMY: You mean orgies and drunkenness?
ME: I meant undying support, but yes also--

Then came the knock on the door.

ME: Hang on, it's probably one of my tricks coming to reclaim something from the lost and found.
JEREMY: I'll call you tomorrow.
ME: Nite nite.

I got up out of bed and walked to the door. When I opened it, there he was--

Joey

--And he didn't look good.

ME: But I guess you would look like absolute hell after--
JOEY: Ben.
ME: What?
JOEY: He's hurt.
ME: I know. Jeremy just called from the hospital.
JOEY: It's my fault.
ME: What?
JOEY: I did it. It's my fault.

Before he could say anymore, he fell into my arms and started crying. I said what I said next without even thinking.

ME: You didn't do anything, Joey.

He kept sobbing, but I pulled him away from me and looked him right in the eyes.

ME: Do you hear me? You didn't do anything. You were here with me all night, okay?

I had to shake him to get him to say it.

ME: OKAY?
JOEY: Okay, okay--I'm sorry, Davis. I love you. Please, don't--let me--I'm sorry...

Then we were embracing again, and then we were in my room, and somehow we started making love, and the 'I love you's were everywhere, so that they almost covered over the sense that something bad was going to happen.

Fancy Meeting You Here

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

ME: This night can't possibly get any worse.

Never say "This night can't possibly get any worse."

I was walking back to my car from the club when I noticed something lying in the road in front of the Performing Arts Center.

Initially I thought it must be either a drunken clubwhore who couldn't make it back to their car or a homeless person (one will inevitably become the other in a span of five years), but when I approached I saw that it was--

ME: Ben?

He was pretty beaten up. I know it's cliche to say that it looked like a truck hit him, but--

ME: F**k me.

A truck was coming.

I bent down to shake him, but he was out cold. I kept yelling his name since the truck didn't seem to be slowing down.

ME: BEN! GET UP! GET UP!

Finally, I grabbed him and dragged him over to the side of the road as the truck came to a screeching halt.

The driver leaned out of his window and yelled at me.

SCARY TRUCK DRIVER: Hey, what's wrong with that guy?
ME: I don't know. I think he's hurt.
SCARY TRUCK DRIVER: You should call 9-1-1.
ME: You think?
SCARY TRUCK DRIVER: Do you know him?

I looked down at Ben.

ME: Yeah, he's my worst enemy.

Before I could get my cell phone out, I heard the ambulance in the distance.

I guess somebody got to Ben before I did.

The Hunt for Wilde

Hi, my name is Eli.

WILDE: Tick tock, Eli.

I f**king hated whoever this little f**king blogger was.

WILDE: Now, now. Don't be testy. It's a waste of energy, and you need to spend all your time finding me before I clean out your metaphorical closet.

Okay, it had to be somebody I knew.

WILDE: Tell you what, because I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to give you a hint...

I'd already had the night from Hell. I was out with friends getting my drizzle on when I turn a corner and hear Ben talking smack, so I lay him out.

Now it's almost 3am and I have to deal with this--

WILDE: Three's a crowd...don't you think?

Whoa...wait...three's a...

The threeway.

That means that Wilde is--

BEN: Eli's so scared I'm going to out him!

I called Ben right away.

BEN: Hello?
ME: You're a dead man.
BEN: Yeah, so?
ME: Ben, or should I call you Wilde--
BEN: What are you talking about?
ME: Where are you right now? Because you and I need to have a talk.
BEN: I'm downtown near the library.
ME: Stay there. I'm on my way.
BEN: Good. You can give me a ride.

I hung up. I was going to give him a ride all right.

He was going to go for a long, hard ride...

Um, okay that might have been the wrong sentence to use.

Hank and the Heartbreaker

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME: I hope I never see another man again.
JEREMY: That might be a tall order.

I'm going to kill Ben.

After his little performance outside the club, I went back inside to get my jacket with Jeremy.

That was when I saw my voice teacher.

ME: Jeremy!
JEREMY: I see him, Hank, I see him. Should we hide behind the twinks?

It was too late.

He walked right up to us and smiled.

HOTTIE MCVOICEPANTS: Hey Hankie.

And I thought, Hallelujah--

He's drunk.

HOTTIE MCVOICEPANTS: How you doing?
ME: I'm good. You look like you're better though.
HOTTIE: You know what? I am, because I've reached a decision.
ME: What decision is that?
HOTTIE: I'm going to sleep with one of my students.

Choir of Angels--commence.

ME: Jeremy, you'll need to find a ride back to school.
JEREMY: It's okay, Hank. I know how much this means to you.

But then my voice teacher laughed, and I knew it wasn't the good kind.

HOTTIE: Not you, baby. Ben.
ME: What?
HOTTIE: Where'd he go? I saw him here earlier and he is so--

Before he could say anymore, I punched him in the stomach. I just had to stop him from talking. The result was him puking on Jeremy's shoes.

JEREMY: Thanks, Hank.
ME: I'm sorry, but I have to go.
JEREMY: Go where?
ME: I have to find Ben and wring his neck.
JEREMY: Hank!

But it was too late.

I'd made up my mind.

The bitch was going down.

So Over It

Hi, my name is Joey.

DAVIS: I have something to tell you.

I'm about to jump out of this car.

Davis had to come pick me up, because I was drunk as all hell and so was everybody else except Jeremy, who won't give me a ride home because of Davis.

Um, so yeah...

I was in Davis' car, and in that moment...

I was over it.

This happens to me sometimes. It happened with Bart. It happened with guys before Bart. And now it was happening with Davis.

DAVIS: So did you have fun tonight?
ME: Um...yeah...

I know we'd agreed not to see each other, but both of us knew that we'd end up back together again--except now I was sure that wasn't going to happen.

As a matter of fact, I didn't even want to be in the car with him anymore.

ME: You know what, Davis, why don't I just walk?
DAVIS: Walk? Are you kidding?
ME: I could use the air.
DAVIS: Joey, it's freezing outside.
ME: Cold air makes me happy!
DAVIS: What's wrong with you?
ME: I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR!

I couldn't help it. I felt like I was suffocating. Once I'm over somebody, I don't even want to be around them anymore.

So I jumped.

That's right. I jumped out of a moving car.

But I mean...

It wasn't even moving that fast.

Once I was on the street, and then back on feet, I started to run. I didn't even look behind me. I could imagine Davis parked in the middle of the street with a puzzled looked on his face wondering what happened.

In the end, they all look the same.

Shut Down City

Hi, my name is Ritchie.

ME: What the hell is your problem?

I can't believe it's nearly 2:30am and I'm chasing after a normally-horned up college freshman trying to convince him to go home with me.

After Ben's little outburst, Carter had disappeared into the club, and it wasn't until the entire place had nearly emptied out that I found him.

He was sitting in front of the upstairs bar looking morbid.

ME: Can you tell me what's up besides the fact that Ben just laid into you? Keeping in mind, he laid into all of us.
CARTER: You wouldn't understand.

Things had been a little strange since Carter and I started getting...physical. We had done the fancy pants dance a few times, and now...

I was hooked.

Don't ask me what it is. Maybe it's that he's still in the closet--who doesn't love a closeted boy? It's like S&M without having to find the handcuff key in terms of the pyschology. Plus, he's got the cutest ass...

ME: Are you coming home with me?
CARTER: I don't think so.
ME: Do I have to beg or something? Do I have to buy you a lollipop or promise you can play with a kitten?
CARTER: Don't talk to me like I'm stupid.
ME: Then say something intelligent.

Carter got up off his barstool and started to leave.

ME: Look, Ben got to us all.
CARTER: Don't you get it?
ME: No! I don't!
CARTER: I love him!
ME: What?
CARTER: I love Ben! I can't handle him hating me, okay?

He walked out the door, but I was going right after him. How could he having feelings for Ben after everything that happened?

After everything he--

ME: Carter, careful!

Carter was going down the stairs to the club, and missed one--going down the rest of the flight.

I rushed down after him, but as soon as I got to the bottom, he was already unconscious.

ME: Somebody call a doctor!

A few people came running up to us. I could hear someone talking on their phone to 9-1-1. That was when part of me stopped thinking and started getting mad.

This was Ben's fault.

This was all Ben's fault.

VOICE: Hey buddy, where you going?

I knew Carter would be okay. I knew people would take care of him. And besides, it wasn't like I was his personal care-taker. It just pissed me off to think someone could treat him that way and then it turns out he's in love with him.

So I got in my car and I went looking for Ben.

And lo and behold, I found him.

Don't Follow in My Footsteps

Hi, my name is Billy.

ME: Hey Nathan, wait up--

I'm not letting this guy get away.

Nathan was walking back to his car after a disastrous night at the club. Ben had pretty much told all of us that he hates us, Nathan had gone after him but couldn't find him, and Cal had taken off to go hang out with some old guy at Bowie's.

I didn't want to let Nathan walk alone, but moreso than that, I didn't want Nathan to forget what Ben did tonight.

NATHAN: I know what you're going to say, Billy.
ME: That you shouldn't be walking through the streets of Providence at 2am by yourself?
NATHAN: Oh...no.
ME: And by the way, Ben is a dicktrick.
NATHAN: That's the one I was waiting for.
ME: You can do better, Nathan.

He stopped and turned towards me.

NATHAN: Look, I know you and Ben have a history--
ME: History happened a long time ago. He fucked me over rather recently.
NATHAN: I like him, Billy, okay? And I mean, I like you too, and I want us to be friends, but you can't just keep bashing him.
ME: Why do you like him?
NATHAN: Why did you like him?
ME: Because I was on drugs.
NATHAN: Really?
ME: No, but I should have been.

Nathan laughed, and then gave me a hug. I would have preferred that he stabbed me. The hug was so condascending.

NATHAN: My car's right over there. I can give you a lift to yours.
ME: No, that's fine.
NATHAN: What about not walking around at--
ME: Please, it's Providence. It's more dangerous walking past a cornfield at night.

He laughed again, and then seemed to debate whether or not to say something. Finally, he spit it out.

NATHAN: It is weird that I like that he's kind of an asshole?
ME: God, do we ever really leave junior high?
NATHAN: Probably not.
ME: Maybe we won't till we get it right.
NATHAN: Maybe. Goodnight, Billy.
ME: Nite Nathan.

He started to walk away, and when he was just out of earshot I murmured--

ME: By the way, I think I might love you.

Nathan's car pulled away and I started walking back towards mine.

That was when I saw Ben, and the car coming right at him...