Hello Stranger

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

ME: Officer, do you have any information?
OFFICER: Wait, aren't you inside there? You match the photo we got of the owner.
ME: He's my twin brother. I'm Jeremy, he's--
VOICE: Jackson?

Only twenty minutes back in Providence, and already the confusion was beginning.

ME: No, I'm--

But when I turned around--

ME: Ritchie?

--It was already pretty evident that I wasn't Jackson.

Jackson never gets that terrified look in his eyes like I had at that moment. Although, then again, he may have developed it over the years. It's been awhile since we last saw each other.

Ritchie, however, I see every day on television. My two gay neighbors love his show, but I've never told them that I know him personally.

RITCHIE: Wait...Jeremy?
ME: Uh...surprise?
RITCHIE: What are you doing here?
ME: My brother and sister are being held hostage by a gunman. I think it called for a little family intervention, wouldn't you say?
RITCHIE: So you decide to reappear out of the blue after five years?
ME: Look, why don't we talk about this some--

But before I could finish, the limo pulled up, and Adam got out.

ADAM: Okay, how much is it going to cost to pay this crazy person off so I can get back to Manhattan?
RITCHIE: Wow, it's like that Class Reunion I never wanted to go to.
ADAM: Well, if it isn't America's favorite homo. Aren't you supposed to be interviewing a celebrity about their eating disorder?
RITCHIE: This is a big story. I'm here to report on it.
ME: Look, Ritchie, if you can find out anything--
VOICE: Jeremy!

Maybe I should put on a pair of sunglasses.

ADAM: Please tell me you didn't tell Ben and Nathan we were in town?
ME: I wanted to make sure everyone was okay.
BEN: We're fine. We skipped the Miracle Ball.
NATHAN: Yes, we're fine. Can we go now? It's cold out here.
ADAM: Nice to see you again after five years too, Nathan.
NATHAN: I am not getting sucked into all this gay drama.
ADAM: You consider a hostage situation gay drama?
VOICE: Well isn't this a lovely little gathering?

We all turned around to see Hank walking up to where the police had sectioned off the block.

RITCHIE: I should have just stayed at my 100th episode taping and hung out with Hall and Oates.
ADAM: That's the best you could do for a 100th episode?
RITCHIE: Nice shoes, Adam.
ADAM: Hey! These shoes are Italian!
BEN: Wow, I really didn't miss this at all.
ME: Guys, please. This is an emergency. Do we know who else might be in there? Billy maybe?

There was silence.

JEREMY: What? What's wrong?
HANK: He doesn't know?
JEREMY: Know what?
NATHAN: Billy's straight now.
JEREMY: Haha that's not funny.
NATHAN: Haha no, it's not. But it's true. He's straight. He has a fiance now and everything.
ME: Is this a joke?
OFFICER: Everybody clear out! The mayor's here!
JEREMY: Finally! Somebody's doing something.
HANK: Don't be so sure about that.

The Mayor's limo pulled up behind Adam's, and when the door opened, I almost passed out.

ME: Davis?

Davis smiled at me as he removed his sunglasses.

DAVIS: That's Mr. Mayor to you.

That's when I know this town has gone to Hell.