You've Alive! How Dare You!

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

ME: What the hell were you thinking?

Joey's alive.

JOEY: I was hungry.

I want to kill him.

BILLY: He wasn't asking why you went to the restaurant. He wanted to know why you didn't tell us you were alive.

He did the Joey shrug.

JOEY: There never seemed to be a good time.

I missed that shrug.

All of us had gathered at Ritchie's apartment to welcome Joey back, and by welcome him back, I mean assault him.

JOEY: Ow! Stop slapping me!
NATHAN: You deserve it! How could you lie like that?
ME: Nathan's been in a wheelchair all this time and hurt all this time and--
NATHAN: Okay, maybe lying wasn't SO bad, but--
DAVIS: Or maybe he just wanted to shack up with Ritchie without any of us knowing.

Ritchie stood up.

RITCHIE: Does anyone want chips? What a bad host I've been.
BEN: Sit down, Ritchie. We haven't even gotten to you yet.
JOEY: There's nothing on between Ritchie and me!
RITCHIE: I wouldn't say nothing...

Silence.

RITCHIE: I mean, we worked out a really great chore schedule.
CARTER: So wait, Joey, you're alive?

Everyone started to shout over each other. I held up the conch.

ME: Hold it! First of all, Ritchie, why do you own a conch?
HANK: Do you really want the answer to that question?
ME: Second of all, Joey's back. We should all be happy.
JACKSON: Not until he pays.
ME: Oh, come on, what do you want him to do?
PAIGE: Oooh! This could be like a game!
ADAM: Do I have to be here for this?
DAVIS: Who the hell are you anyway?

More shouting ensued. I went into the kitchen, found a can of whipped cream, walked back into the living room, and sprayed it all over Joey's face.

HANK: Ummm...
ME: There, I feel better. I think I saw chocolate sauce in the fridge if anyone else wants to have a go.

A bottle of mustard, one can of olives, and something that looked like a tuna sandwich later, and we all were feeling pretty good.

JOEY: Am I forgiven now?
ME: No.

But it's a start.