Hi, my name is Carter.
VOICE: Hey Carter, I saw your video on the Internet.
Ugh, I've been getting calls like this all week.
Ever since Liam and Setter tricked me into performing a striptease on a cam, I've been on every computer in Rhode Island.
VOICE: I was wondering if you'd like to do something a little bit more...professional.
At first I was going to say 'No,' but then he quoted me a price.
VOICE: So what do you say?
...Eeee...
I showed up at this guy's apartment. There was only one camera guy, and another guy laying on a bed wearing a football jersey.
DIRECTOR: Don't worry; he's almost done.
ME: Then my turn?
DIRECTOR: Well, your turn and his. He's going again.
ME: Wait, I thought I was doing this alone.
DIRECTOR: No offense, but everybody's already seen you do it alone.
ME: I don't know about this.
DIRECTOR: Don't worry. It's all simulation--except for when he pours the mustard on you.
I should have bailed, but jersey guy was kind of hot...
...and I really like mustard.
DIRECTOR: By the way, what name do you want to use?
ME: Umm...
A good fake name where nobody will know it's me.
ME: How about Mr. C?
Yeah, that sounds like a movie star.
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