Hi, my name is Jackson.
JEREMY: Bart?
It seems as though our kidnapper isn't a stranger after all.
BART: Welcome back, Jeremy.
JEREMY: Suddenly this all makes sense.
ME: Aren't you in prison?
BART: Oh, y'all didn't get the memo? I'm out on good behavior.
Considering he had a gun in his hand, and was about to make me and my siblings jump off the roof of a parking garage, I'm thinking the days of good behavior were over.
PAIGE: Why did you do all this?
BART: Because with all the fame the CBQ's have gotten over the years, who do you think looks the worst?
JEREMY: Ben?
ME: Joey?
PAIGE: Jackson?
ME: Hey!
BART: Me!
I told Jeremy he should have changed Bart's name to something more indistinguishable than Burt.
BART: So there I am, stuck in prison, branded a lunatic and a catty bitch. I was getting hate mail everyday when I wasn't getting fought over by two three hundred pound Russian mobsters named Ivan and Screw.
PAIGE: Is Screw a Russian name?
ME: It was probably a nickname, Paige.
Bart laughed--not so much at my joke, just in that sort of "I haven't taken my meds" kind of way.
BART: The only way I'm ever going to be able to start a new life for myself is if I get rid of the CBQ legacy.
He pointed a gun at Jeremy.
BART: And that means the celebrated author is going over the edge.
I looked at my brother and realized it might be the last time I see him alive.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Public Policy
Hi, my name is Ben.
ME: Mr. Mayor--
It's been a long time since Davis and I had a rumble.
ME: --We need to talk.
But if I remember correctly, I won more often than I lost.
We had just arrived at the man where the gunman was holding three people hostage--one of them probably Paige and the other two Jeremy, Jackson, Ritchie, or who knows who?
Rescue teams were still digging through the rubble which used to be Prisms looking for whomever might have still been in the building when it collapsed.
I couldn't think about Jeremy being underneath all that debris. Believe it or not, my best hope was that he was being held hostage by a maniac.
ME: Davis, you can't just rush onto that roof with guns blazing.
DAVIS: Ben, we've tried being nice. Nice didn't work. Now, we need to end this.
LIAM: He's right. We can't keep accruing collateral damage. He's taken this to the mall, for godsakes!
ME: Oh right, Providence's number one landmark.
DAVIS: I know you're worried he might have Jeremy up there. I am, too. But the only way we're going to get him back is to take this guy down.
ME: And he could take the hostages out with him!
LIAM: We have to take that chance.
ME: Nobody's talking to you!
DAVIS: This isn't going to be a--
But before he could continue, a body landed two feet from us.
ME: Did that just come from the roof?
Everyone went rushing to see who the body belonged to, but I just looked up at the roof to see who might be up there--
--Looking down on us.
ME: Mr. Mayor--
It's been a long time since Davis and I had a rumble.
ME: --We need to talk.
But if I remember correctly, I won more often than I lost.
We had just arrived at the man where the gunman was holding three people hostage--one of them probably Paige and the other two Jeremy, Jackson, Ritchie, or who knows who?
Rescue teams were still digging through the rubble which used to be Prisms looking for whomever might have still been in the building when it collapsed.
I couldn't think about Jeremy being underneath all that debris. Believe it or not, my best hope was that he was being held hostage by a maniac.
ME: Davis, you can't just rush onto that roof with guns blazing.
DAVIS: Ben, we've tried being nice. Nice didn't work. Now, we need to end this.
LIAM: He's right. We can't keep accruing collateral damage. He's taken this to the mall, for godsakes!
ME: Oh right, Providence's number one landmark.
DAVIS: I know you're worried he might have Jeremy up there. I am, too. But the only way we're going to get him back is to take this guy down.
ME: And he could take the hostages out with him!
LIAM: We have to take that chance.
ME: Nobody's talking to you!
DAVIS: This isn't going to be a--
But before he could continue, a body landed two feet from us.
ME: Did that just come from the roof?
Everyone went rushing to see who the body belonged to, but I just looked up at the roof to see who might be up there--
--Looking down on us.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I Shot the Mayor
Hi, my name is Davis.
LIAM: Davis, can you hear me?
NATHAN: Good thing he had the bulletproof vest on.
ADAM: Good thing you didn't shoot him in the head.
NATHAN: Shut up, Adam.
I think I passed out.
I haven't been shot many times.
Shot at, yes. Successfully shot? Not so much.
And what they don't tell you is that even when you're wearing a vest, it hurts.
It hurts like a--
LIAM: Davis, are you all right?
ME: Is everybody okay?
KEN: I'm fine.
HANK: Nobody cares about you, Ken.
NATHAN: Prisms is now the city's newest parking lot.
ADAM: Jeremy was still inside.
ME: What?
LIAM: We don't know that. He might have just--
ME: Who else is missing?
HANK: Joey, Ritchie--
BEN: Jackson and Paige.
This was bad.
ME: Why aren't the streetlights on?
LIAM: Apparently, the gunman set off a bomb nearby that knocked out most of the lights downtown. He probably wanted to keep us occupied.
ME: Where IS the gunman?
HANK: Hopefully trapped under what used to be our old club.
Our old club.
That kind of tugged at my heartstrings.
Except not really.
ME: Is anybody going through the--
LIAM: We're looking through the rubble for whoever's missing.
ME: Get more people to help. Get as much as we can.
LIAM: Look, we need to think about prioritizing here.
BEN: Prioritizing? We have friends buried underneath a building!
LIAM: And we may have a crazed gunman terrorizing the city.
ADAM: What are the odds he escaped?
VOICE: Hey guys?
Kate, Ritchie's producer, came barreling towards us.
KATE: We got a report that three men and a young woman were seen on the top floor of the mall parking garage. Care to comment?
HANK: There are people at the mall. What a shock.
KATE: One of the guys has a gun and he seems to be holding the other three hostage.
BEN: That could be--
ME: Somebody put me in a police car. We're going to the mall.
KEN: Joey's probably there. He loves the mall.
ADAM: Do we need to keep him around?
While the boys bitched, I made up my mind.
I was through playing fun with hostages.
As soon as there was a clear shot at this guy--
He was getting taken down.
LIAM: Davis, can you hear me?
NATHAN: Good thing he had the bulletproof vest on.
ADAM: Good thing you didn't shoot him in the head.
NATHAN: Shut up, Adam.
I think I passed out.
I haven't been shot many times.
Shot at, yes. Successfully shot? Not so much.
And what they don't tell you is that even when you're wearing a vest, it hurts.
It hurts like a--
LIAM: Davis, are you all right?
ME: Is everybody okay?
KEN: I'm fine.
HANK: Nobody cares about you, Ken.
NATHAN: Prisms is now the city's newest parking lot.
ADAM: Jeremy was still inside.
ME: What?
LIAM: We don't know that. He might have just--
ME: Who else is missing?
HANK: Joey, Ritchie--
BEN: Jackson and Paige.
This was bad.
ME: Why aren't the streetlights on?
LIAM: Apparently, the gunman set off a bomb nearby that knocked out most of the lights downtown. He probably wanted to keep us occupied.
ME: Where IS the gunman?
HANK: Hopefully trapped under what used to be our old club.
Our old club.
That kind of tugged at my heartstrings.
Except not really.
ME: Is anybody going through the--
LIAM: We're looking through the rubble for whoever's missing.
ME: Get more people to help. Get as much as we can.
LIAM: Look, we need to think about prioritizing here.
BEN: Prioritizing? We have friends buried underneath a building!
LIAM: And we may have a crazed gunman terrorizing the city.
ADAM: What are the odds he escaped?
VOICE: Hey guys?
Kate, Ritchie's producer, came barreling towards us.
KATE: We got a report that three men and a young woman were seen on the top floor of the mall parking garage. Care to comment?
HANK: There are people at the mall. What a shock.
KATE: One of the guys has a gun and he seems to be holding the other three hostage.
BEN: That could be--
ME: Somebody put me in a police car. We're going to the mall.
KEN: Joey's probably there. He loves the mall.
ADAM: Do we need to keep him around?
While the boys bitched, I made up my mind.
I was through playing fun with hostages.
As soon as there was a clear shot at this guy--
He was getting taken down.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
A Trip to the Mall
Hi, my name is Jeremy.
GUNMAN: Keep walking.
JACKSON: We're walking. We're walking.
My siblings and I are currently being held hostage in the middle of Providence.
PAIGE: How is it that we haven't walked by anybody?
JACKSON: Because he set off a bomb a block from Prisms that knocked out power all over the city. I don't think anybody's paying attention to us.
ME: Where are we going?
GUNMAN: I thought we'd do some shopping.
PAIGE: Really?
JACKSON: Something tells me he's kidding, Paige.
Nevertheless, we were walking towards the mall.
Once we were inside, I looked for a security guard who might be able to help us, but he took us through the parking garage entrance, and his gun was concealed so we might have just looked like a group of kids going to catch a late-night movie.
Once we reached the top floor of the garage, the gunman seemed to be looking around for something.
JACKSON: What now? Are you going to make us jump?
ME: Don't give him any ideas.
The gunman just laughed.
GUNMAN: I thought you might want to know who you've been spending all this time with first.
And that's when he removed the mask.
PAIGE: What the--?
And suddenly everything started making sense.
GUNMAN: Keep walking.
JACKSON: We're walking. We're walking.
My siblings and I are currently being held hostage in the middle of Providence.
PAIGE: How is it that we haven't walked by anybody?
JACKSON: Because he set off a bomb a block from Prisms that knocked out power all over the city. I don't think anybody's paying attention to us.
ME: Where are we going?
GUNMAN: I thought we'd do some shopping.
PAIGE: Really?
JACKSON: Something tells me he's kidding, Paige.
Nevertheless, we were walking towards the mall.
Once we were inside, I looked for a security guard who might be able to help us, but he took us through the parking garage entrance, and his gun was concealed so we might have just looked like a group of kids going to catch a late-night movie.
Once we reached the top floor of the garage, the gunman seemed to be looking around for something.
JACKSON: What now? Are you going to make us jump?
ME: Don't give him any ideas.
The gunman just laughed.
GUNMAN: I thought you might want to know who you've been spending all this time with first.
And that's when he removed the mask.
PAIGE: What the--?
And suddenly everything started making sense.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Meanwhile in the Closet...
Hi, my name is Jackson.
PAIGE: You're supposed to keep your arms stiff when somebody's tying you up. That way you can loosen the rope once they're gone.
ME: Then why didn't you keep your arms stiff?
PAIGE: I tried, but I got tired.
My non-biological sister and I are trapped in the supply closet in the basement of Prisms.
The crazed gunman had tied us to a chair.
PAIGE: We should keep screaming for help.
ME: No way. I'll damage my vocal cords. Karaoke night is in two days and the theme is Backstreet Boys. I'm not taking any chances.
PAIGE: So what do we do?
ME: See if there's anything sharp we can--
But then, the door opened--
PAIGE: Jeremy?
--And it was still like looking right into a mirror.
JEREMY: Jesus, what did you do to your hair?
ME: That's the first thing you say to me after five years?
JEREMY: Miss me?
ME: I'd slap you if my hands weren't tied.
PAIGE: Yay! We're a family again!
Paige always has to look on the bright side.
My long-gone brother untied us but there were all sorts of noises coming from upstairs.
JEREMY: We have to make sure everybody got out.
ME: No chance. If they don't run from an explosion and a guy with a gun, then whatever happens next is simple evolution.
We managed to make it out the basement door just as the entire structure collapsed behind us.
PAIGE: That was close.
Then I heard the click.
We turned around to see the gunman, still masked, pointing his weapon right at us.
GUNMAN: You're right--pretty close.
And the adventure continues.
PAIGE: You're supposed to keep your arms stiff when somebody's tying you up. That way you can loosen the rope once they're gone.
ME: Then why didn't you keep your arms stiff?
PAIGE: I tried, but I got tired.
My non-biological sister and I are trapped in the supply closet in the basement of Prisms.
The crazed gunman had tied us to a chair.
PAIGE: We should keep screaming for help.
ME: No way. I'll damage my vocal cords. Karaoke night is in two days and the theme is Backstreet Boys. I'm not taking any chances.
PAIGE: So what do we do?
ME: See if there's anything sharp we can--
But then, the door opened--
PAIGE: Jeremy?
--And it was still like looking right into a mirror.
JEREMY: Jesus, what did you do to your hair?
ME: That's the first thing you say to me after five years?
JEREMY: Miss me?
ME: I'd slap you if my hands weren't tied.
PAIGE: Yay! We're a family again!
Paige always has to look on the bright side.
My long-gone brother untied us but there were all sorts of noises coming from upstairs.
JEREMY: We have to make sure everybody got out.
ME: No chance. If they don't run from an explosion and a guy with a gun, then whatever happens next is simple evolution.
We managed to make it out the basement door just as the entire structure collapsed behind us.
PAIGE: That was close.
Then I heard the click.
We turned around to see the gunman, still masked, pointing his weapon right at us.
GUNMAN: You're right--pretty close.
And the adventure continues.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Rubble
Hi, my name is Hank.
ME: The floor's caving in!
Prisms is about to become a pile of rubble.
I ran over to Jeremy and grabbed him.
ME: We have to get out of here.
JEREMY: Where's Ritchie and Joey?
ADAM: They went after the gunman.
JEREMY: I still don't know where Jackson is!
ME: Jeremy, there's no time. It sounds like a bomb went off downstairs!
I started feeling shaking underneath my feet.
I'd had enough negotiating for the night.
ME: Adam, we're going. Come on.
JEREMY: Not without Paige and Jackson!
He tore away from me and ran towards the door.
I didn't want to see Jeremy die, but I sure as hell wasn't going to get killed trying to save him.
ME: Come on, Adam!
We ran to the fire door, and down the fire escape.
Outside, there was nothing but insanity.
The lights were out, it looked like there was smoke in the distance, and the second floor of Prisms was completely blown out.
ME: This is nuts.
I felt someone grab me by the shoulder.
BEN: Where's Jeremy?
ME: He's still in the--
But before I could finish, another bomb went off, and the rest of the building collapsed.
And then everyone started running.
ME: The floor's caving in!
Prisms is about to become a pile of rubble.
I ran over to Jeremy and grabbed him.
ME: We have to get out of here.
JEREMY: Where's Ritchie and Joey?
ADAM: They went after the gunman.
JEREMY: I still don't know where Jackson is!
ME: Jeremy, there's no time. It sounds like a bomb went off downstairs!
I started feeling shaking underneath my feet.
I'd had enough negotiating for the night.
ME: Adam, we're going. Come on.
JEREMY: Not without Paige and Jackson!
He tore away from me and ran towards the door.
I didn't want to see Jeremy die, but I sure as hell wasn't going to get killed trying to save him.
ME: Come on, Adam!
We ran to the fire door, and down the fire escape.
Outside, there was nothing but insanity.
The lights were out, it looked like there was smoke in the distance, and the second floor of Prisms was completely blown out.
ME: This is nuts.
I felt someone grab me by the shoulder.
BEN: Where's Jeremy?
ME: He's still in the--
But before I could finish, another bomb went off, and the rest of the building collapsed.
And then everyone started running.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Our Guy in the Field
Hi, my name is Ritchie.
JOEY: Ritchie, is that you?
I wanted to do this alone, but I needed a cameraman.
ME: Joey, you're coming with me.
JOEY: I can't see anything.
ME: It sounds like there was an explosion outside. That must have knocked out the power.
JOEY: So we're not dead?
ME: Not yet.
JOEY: Oh--wait, what?
I saw the gunman take off down the stairs leading to the second floor of the club. I grabbed Joey by the arm, and pulled him downstairs.
JOEY: What are we doing?
ME: We have to find the gunman.
JOEY: Why?
ME: So we can find out who he is. I have to get him to take off the mask.
JOEY: Like in Phantom of the Opera?
ME: Sure. Let's go with that.
We made it to the second floor in time to see the gunman heading out the back stairway.
ME: Hey!
He turned around to look at me.
ME: Who's under the mask, huh?
At first I thought he was giving me the thumbs up, then I saw him hit the button again.
That's when the second bomb went off, and the second floor went crashing to the first.
JOEY: Ritchie, is that you?
I wanted to do this alone, but I needed a cameraman.
ME: Joey, you're coming with me.
JOEY: I can't see anything.
ME: It sounds like there was an explosion outside. That must have knocked out the power.
JOEY: So we're not dead?
ME: Not yet.
JOEY: Oh--wait, what?
I saw the gunman take off down the stairs leading to the second floor of the club. I grabbed Joey by the arm, and pulled him downstairs.
JOEY: What are we doing?
ME: We have to find the gunman.
JOEY: Why?
ME: So we can find out who he is. I have to get him to take off the mask.
JOEY: Like in Phantom of the Opera?
ME: Sure. Let's go with that.
We made it to the second floor in time to see the gunman heading out the back stairway.
ME: Hey!
He turned around to look at me.
ME: Who's under the mask, huh?
At first I thought he was giving me the thumbs up, then I saw him hit the button again.
That's when the second bomb went off, and the second floor went crashing to the first.
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