Someone's Always in a Coma

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME:  Explosives.  Somebody's really stepping it up.

We were all at the hospital visiting Ritchie, who was currently in a coma after someone tried to kill him.

JOEY:  Hank, are you worried?
ME:  Worried about what?
JOEY:  You and Ritchie were sleeping together.
ME:  So?
JOEY:  It's been my experience that the people you're sleeping with often try to kill you.
JACKSON:  I only try to kill people who stop sleeping with me.
DAVIS, ME, ADAM:  Truth.

The police were still investigating but it seemed reasonable to believe that one of the CBQ's was responsible for the bomb.

NATHAN:  Clearly, this was Billy's doing.
JEREMY:  We don't know that.
JOEY:  I don't know.  He seemed pretty angry at the restaurant.
ME:  He didn't want Ritchie going on the air and talking about his dirty little affair with Bart.
JEREMY:  Billy's not capable of murdering someone.
ME:  Isn't that what people always say about murderers?

Once I started looking around the room, I realized that most of the people in it were probably capable of murder.

Five years ago, we were all just catty little bitches, but lately some of us had gone off the deep end.

Admittedly, myself included.

DAVIS:  Once Ritchie wakes up, we'll find out who did this.
ADAM:  How do you know he knows who did it?
ME:  How do you know he's going to wake up?

Everyone looked at me.

ME:  What?

It's an honest question.