An Affair to Forget

Hi, my name is Billy.

RITCHIE:  If you're here to kill me, I should let you know that I have a security guard waiting right outside the door.
ME:  I gave him twenty bucks, and he said he'd be back in an hour.
RITCHIE:  You know, it's getting harder and harder to find good help.

I shut the door to Ritchie's office.

ME:  Did Bart tell you that he and I were having an affair?
RITCHIE:  Not in so many words--
ME:  RITCHIE!
RITCHIE:  FINE!  Yes!  He did.

I sat down in front of his desk.

ME:  And you were going to pay him for the details?
RITCHIE:  It's nothing personal, Billy.  It's just that your character on CBQ is so pious and judgmental.  Hearing about how you went straight only to carry on an affair with a convicted felon was just too good to pass up.
ME:  We weren't actually having an affair.
RITCHIE:  Then what was going on?

You're going to get me to Jeremy.  Do you understand me, Billy?


ME:  It's complicated.
RITCHIE:  You say complicated and I hear 'ratings gold.'
ME:  None of this is getting on the air or on the record.
RITCHIE:  Then why are you here?
ME:  I need to know what Bart told you.
RITCHIE:  He didn't tell me anything.  He didn't have a chance to.  He decided to go crazy first.
ME:  He was always crazy.

I got up to leave, and that's when Ritchie said--

RITCHIE:  Is the kid yours?

Apparently Bart had done some talking after all.