Gay-ttractive

Hi, my name is Davis.

ME:  Gay-ttractive isn't a word.

This is what happens during my advisory meetings.

LIAM:  It will be.
ME:  It won't be.
LIAM:  It will be.
ME:  Jeremy?
JEREMY:  Not a chance.
ME:  And he's a writer.

Jeremy and I were summoned to Liam's office so he could talk about the new "We <3 Prov" campaign.

LIAM:  Everyone loves the CBQ's.
ME:  Except us.  How ironic.
LIAM:  I want to make the ten of you the new faces of 'We <3 Prov.'
JEREMY:  No way.
ME:  I don't even like Providence.
JEREMY:  You're the Mayor!
ME:  It beats being a citizen.

Liam unrolled a poster with all our faces on it.

ME:  It would be more realistic if we were all choking each other.
LIAM:  That's the second poster.
JEREMY:  I don't see the point of this.
LIAM:  Who wouldn't want to live in the city with the ten of you?
JEREMY:  Me for one thing.
ME:  Yeah.  Why are you still here?

Jeremy looked taken aback by the question.

ME:  Not that I'm not glad, but--
LIAM:  People love celebrities.  That's why everyone lives in New York, L.A.--
ME:  Twin Peaks.
JEREMY:  That's not an actual place.
LIAM:  We can make Providence a hotspot.  People will flock here.
JEREMY:  People aren't going to move somewhere just because their favorite tv characters live there.  It's not like they're guaranteed to run into us.  I barely go out anymore.
ME:  I only leave the house in a limo.  I haven't seen the public in years.
JEREMY:  Again--you're the Mayor.
ME:  It's not that I don't appreciate their votes.  I just don't want to interact with them.

Liam cleared his throat.

LIAM:  We need to change the way people see this city.  That means all of you need to make yourselves more...
JEREMY:  Cheap?
ME:  Not possible.
JEREMY:  You want us to walk around signing autographs like this is Disney World and we're the talking mice?
LIAM:  Exactly.
JEREMY:  This may get Davis reelected, and it may make Providence more gay-ttractive--
ME:  Still not a thing.
JEREMY:  But what do the rest of us get out of it?

At this, Liam leaned across his desk and looked Jeremy right in the eye.

LIAM:  You get to be a hometown hero, and if you tell me that doesn't appeal to you at all, then I'm going to tell you that you're full of shit.  This place means something to you, Jeremy.  Maybe that's not the case with everyone else, but it is with you.  You love it here.  That's why you keep getting pulled back to Providence even though you keep telling everybody you want to leave.  You're here for a reason, and maybe you will move on eventually, but for now you're here.  So as long as you're here, you may as well make yourself useful.

I looked at Jeremy.  He looked at me.  Then he looked at the poster.

JEREMY:  I should be the one farthest to the left.

I have to remember to give Liam a raise.