Davis at the Wedding

Hi, my name is Davis.

ME: Who the hell shows up late for his own wedding?

I'm dying.

HANK: He'll be here.

So to speak.

ME: When he gets here, I'm going to strangle him to death.
HANK: Davis--
ME: AFTER I marry him. I'm going to strangle him to death AFTER I marry him.

Leukemia has made a new man out of me.

For one thing, I feel weak all the time. So to compensate, I've allowed my nasty temper to get nastier.

I'm going to make such a good husband.

ELI: Why did I drive in from New York for this?
HANK: Open bar?
ELI: Ahhh yes. Love.

Hank, Eli, and I were all waiting at the courthouse for my best friend Jeremy to show up so I could marry him and get in on his health benefits.

Gotta love domestic partnership.

Unfortunately, he was running an hour late.

I was about to drive over to his apartment when his car pulled up, and his mother, brother, sister, and some random guy got out.

ME: Who is this?
JEREMY: You mean Paige? Sorry, she insisted on coming.
PAIGE: I made brownies!
ME: I mean random guy?
IVAN: I'm Ivan. I slept with Jeremy last night. Congratulations on getting married.
ME: Couldn't you have waited until we were wed to commit adultery?
JEREMY: You know me, always the impatient one.

Another car pulled up with Adam and Joey.

ME: Great. Everyone's here. Let's get started.
JOAN: Is the bar open yet?
ELI: I second that question?
JACKSON: Just let them say their 'I do's and we can all get smashed.

That was when Jeremy's phone rang.

ME: If that's Katie, tell her I already booked Gaga for the reception. Next time she'll learn to call back faster.

Except Jeremy looked panic-stricken.

ME: What's wrong? I haven't seen that look on your face since you got--
JEREMY: You won't be covered.
ME: What?
JEREMY: Under my insurance. You won't be covered. I had a lawyer working overtime to check, but--
JOAN: That was my wedding present. He'll also be able to do the divorce if you need him to.
JEREMY: --Because you're doing experimental trials, you're not covered even if we were to get married.
VOICE: Mine would.

Everybody turned and looked at Hank.

HANK: I just upped my coverage. It includes pretty much everything--even experimental stuff.
ME: Why did you do that?
HANK: Because of Davis. You never know, right?

Jeremy and I looked at each other, and then at Hank.

That was when I got down on one knee.

ME: Hank, will you marry me?

Part of me was hoping he'd say 'No.'