That Old Homosexual Magic

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

BILLY: If this is about another hostage situation, tell the guy to kill everyone.
JEREMY: Actually, I just wanted to talk.

When I contacted Ritchie to tell him that Jackson, Paige, Adam, and I were all in for the reunion, I asked him where Billy worked now.

RITCHIE: The Center for New Thinking on Sin.
ME: You're kidding, right?
RITCHIE: I wish.

The place was in the middle of the mall.

Because apparently if you're looking for gays to convert, that's the place to go.

I know after I go on a J.Crew shopping spree, I usually want to become a straight guy.

BILLY: You shouldn't be here.
ME: Billy, I just--I feel bad about how, you know, I left.
BILLY: Whatever. It's in the past.
ME: It seems like you can't leave anything in the past anymore.

He considered this.

BILLY: Have a seat. I'll tell my boss we're having a consultation.
ME: Is there going to be make-up? Because I could use some concealer.
BILLY: There's that old charm I remember so well.

While he was gone I looked at some of his pamphlets about "conversion."

I've read Stephen King novels that weren't as scary.

When he came back, I was holding one called "How Sure Are You?"

BILLY: That's our most popular--
ME: --Piece of propaganda?
BILLY: If you're going to make fun--
ME: I'm sorry. It's just...How did this happen?
BILLY: What do you care? We had a movie night and then you took off.
ME: You know it wasn't that simple.
BILLY: No, actually, I don't. What happened?

Look out!

ME: It was, uh--
BILLY: Nothing got settled. It was during the whole Paige adoption thing. Your mother was missing. Your father--
ME: I know.
BILLY: How could you just leave in the middle of all that?
ME: It's like...Okay, here's the thing. For awhile, when I was helping write the CBQ tv show, I'd find myself backed into corners of my own making. Like, I'd write a story with these great problems and then not know how to get out of it. I'm great with problems, but I'm terrible with solutions. That's why I'm not a very good writer.
BILLY: You're a great writer.
ME: No, I'm okay. Great writers have solutions.
BILLY: So what would you do? When you backed yourself into these corners?
ME: Well, there are tricks. The easiest one is to just jump ahead a year or two in time, and work backwards.
BILLY: That sounds more difficult.
ME: You'd be surprised how much time can work out.

I put my hand on his hand. He looked down at it with, I swear, this sort of...yearning?

But then he pulled away.

BILLY: You should go now.
ME: You can't get married.
BILLY: I can do whatever I want, Jeremy. And I'm marrying Emma.
ME: Isn't it bad luck to have a wedding in this state? We never got through them when I was here.
BILLY: Things change.
ME: I guess they do.

I took a pamphlet for when I would walk by Billy's boss.

Then I leaned over and whispered in his ear.

ME: Don't assume I haven't changed while I've been gone.

From the look in his eyes when I pulled away, I could tell he wasn't sure what I meant by that.

But some things should stay a mystery--

--Until they're ready to be revealed.