ME: Does anyone care that I'm about to die?
I can be a little dramatic sometimes.
My brother and I were doing a little housework when a giant pole came barreling through his bedroom window with handy dandy deadly electrical wires attached.
ME: This shit is only supposed to happen in later seasons of bad Aaron Spelling dramas!
It's quite sad when your own life has jumped the shark.
VOICE: Hello?
ME: HELP! I'M IN HERE!
Wow, and it only took Jeremy two hours to get help. I haven't had this much adrenaline running through me for this long since that camping trip with the boy who looked like Justin Chatwin.
ME: WHOEVER YOU ARE, I LOVE YOU!
Hank appeared in the doorway.
ME: 'Love' might be a bit strong.
HANK: How did this happen?
ME: Your prayers were answered, Hank. God wants me dead.
HANK: I want you dead! You stole my blackmail!
ME: I'm not sure that sentence works.
HANK: Wilde just posted a revised hook-up list. You're number one now.
What? You thought I was going to let Hank stay number one once I knew Wilde's identity? Have you never heard the phrase 'Two gays can play that game?'
ME: I'm really sorry, Hank, but I'm also in peril.
HANK: I can see that.
ME: Are you going to go get help?
HANK: I'm thinking about it.
ME: Did you at least run into Jeremy?
HANK: Should I have?
ME: I sent him out of here two hours ago!
HANK: Maybe he's on the stairs. The elevator is broken.
ME: Or maybe he's on the elevator, you idiot!
HANK: You're not helping your case here.
He opened his arms and braced himself.
ME: What are you doing?
HANK: I need you to jump into my arms.
ME: Like Hell I am!
HANK: Jackson, unless you want to risk one of those wires getting blown over to your side of this room, then I would jump.
ME: And if I land on the wires?
HANK: I'll stretch my arms out so that you only need to jump a little bit and I'll pull you the rest of the way.
ME: How do you know you can do that?
HANK: I've been the strong ensemble guy in at least eight musicals. If I can lift up Sherry St. Cloud in Kiss Me, Kate, I can pull you over to me.
All of a sudden, I felt so tired. The wind and rain was blowing into the room. I was soaking wet and my brother was probably trapped in the elevator.
Then I remembered--
ME: You didn't run into Ben either, did you?
HANK: Again, why would I--
ME: Oh my God! Ben and Jeremy are trapped in the elevator together!
HANK: Are you serious?
ME: They'll kill each other!
HANK: JUMP NOW!
I leapt up and felt Hank's arms grab me as we both fell back and landed on the floor.
ME: Wow, I'm alive.
That was when the floor gave way and I felt us both drop down a level and land on a couch. I looked up to see Mrs. Critzy sitting in her armchair with her cat.
ME: You really do plan on dying in this apartment, don't you, Critzy?
MRS. CRITZY: My Ditty didn't feel like leaving.
HANK: I hope she's talking about her cat.
One CBQ saved, another two to go.
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