Drama Queen

Hi, my name is Nathan.

JOEY: Nathan, can you hear me?
HANK: His eyes are glazed over.
ELI: We should call 9-1-1.
BEN: If he doesn't die, I'm going to kill him.

I didn't want to live anymore. So I took a handful of pills I found in the bathroom, and sent out a mass text message:

"I'm all done. I'll miss one or two of you. Fuck the rest of you. Good-bye."

Ben was back living with his family. He hadn't spoken to me since the night at the bar when I screwed everything up.

I had a few drinks to calm myself down before I took the pills.

The next thing I knew, people were standing over me.

JACKSON: Should we call someone?
DAVIS: We don't even know what he took.
JEREMY: Carter, go look in the bathroom. See if there's anything there.
CARTER: Nathan, don't die.
BILLY: Carter, go. We'll get him walking around.

I felt myself being lifted up and moved around the room. I felt like I was going to throw up, but then I wouldn't die, and that would mean all this was worthless.

CARTER: I couldn't find anything.
JEREMY: Ben, what do you have here?
BEN: He's such a drama queen.
BILLY: You're such an asshole.
BEN: You know, if Nathan wanted to kill himself, he should have called you, Billy. You could have pushed him in front of a--

I felt myself fall to the floor. That's right; they dropped me.

DAVIS: ENOUGH! We don't have time for this!
JEREMY: Jesus, Ben, what did you have?
BEN: Nothing! I don't have pills here.
JOEY: This is just like The Valley of the Dolls.
HANK: I call Patty Duke's part!

Then I heard a voice in the bedroom.

ELI: I found it! It was under the bed!
JACKSON: What is it?
ELI: Um, this is going to sound really strange--
JEREMY: Eli, what did he take?
ELI: Here. Look.

There was a pause. Then--

JEREMY: Placebos?

What?

BILLY: Why would there be placebos here?
BEN: Oh right! From when I took social psych. It was part of an experiment. I forgot I had those.
CARTER: Did Nathan know what they were?
HANK: Do you know what they are?
CARTER: Ummm, no.

Great. So I was only woozy because of the booze. Just when I thought I was starting to see the light.

DAVIS: Guess that means our work here is done.
BEN: All right, let's bail.
JEREMY: You're not going anywhere. He's still suicidal.
BEN: But I--
JEREMY: You got him this way. Now, you're going to see him through it.
BEN: Hey, that's--
JEREMY: Tough.

I heard feet shuffling then the door slam.

At that point, I guess it was just me and Ben.

I could be wrong, but for a second, I could have sworn that I felt a pillow over my face.