Night Gone Wrong

Hi, my name is Davis.

I am a badass mother--

ME: Unanimous. Well, how about that?

First, I took down Bart at the RI-TRI meeting where he was trying to unseat me.

BART: I don't understand this. The vote is a question of whether Davis is morally--
LIAM: We know what the vote was about, Bart.
FRED: We just don't feel that Davis is morally corrupt.

At least, not moreso than they are.

TYLER: He's done great things for this organization.

Like allowing every man in the room--minus Bart--to participate in a brazen orgy on my living room rug.

BART: I know something happened at that little party he threw, and when I find out what it is, you're all going down with him.

I clapped slowly.

ME: Brilliant speech, Bart. Really, from the heart. I felt it. Now, onto Pride. Bart, I believe there was some motion of yours about the age limit at the clubs that I needed to shoot down?

Of course, I expected him to be mad.

But I didn't expect an altercation right outside my front door.

I had just gotten home and was walking to the door when I heard the elevator open behind me. And I smelled something. It was either cheap cologne or sexual incompetency. Then something told me it was probably Bart.

BART: You did something.
ME: Bart, are you going to rattle on about this or are you going to be a man and get over it.
BART: Don't tell me what to do.

On the word 'Don't' he walked up to me and pushed my shoulder.

ME: No need to get physical. I wouldn't want to catch whatever skin disease is causing your face to look like the lunar landing strip.
BART: You're not going to get away with this.
ME: Maybe you should focuse on something else for a change, Bart. Like the fact that you probably haven't successfully fucked your boyfriend in months. At least not to his satisfaction, I'm imagining.
BART: You son-of-a-bitch.

He went for the first punch, so I ducked and plowed into him sending us both crashing into the elevator doors. I was getting some good throws in at his side when I felt someone pull me off of him. I looked up to find Jeremy holding onto me for dear life while Joey was kneeling over Bart.

It should have struck me as funny considering the text I sent earlier during the meeting after the vote to keep me in was secure.

TEXT FROM ME: Joey, I just pounded your boyfriend, now I want to do the same to you. Text me back.

--But Joey hadn't responded. And he had just come out of my apartment.

JEREMY: Would you two please stop this?
BART: I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't mean for--
JOEY: You're acting like children.
ME: Why didn't you text me back?
JEREMY, BART, and JOEY: What?

I wasn't thinking. Now I had screwed up. Luckily, good old Jeremy saved me.

JEREMY: I meant to, but I...um...it's a long story.
ME: Why was Joey in the apartment with you?

Was he going from roommate to roommate?

JOEY: Jeremey had a bad night at the auditions. I was just talking to him.
BART: That's nice of you, babe. I'm sorry I got so angry, but Davis was saying things about you that--
JOEY: About me?

I could tell he was worried I mentioned something about our affair.

ME: Nothing everyone doesn't already know.

I'd had enough. I went into the apartment and shut the door. A few minutes later, Jeremy came in.

JEREMY: What the hell was that?
ME: He tried suckerpunching me, the little cocksucker.
JEREMY: Then you must have said something to get him really angry, because Bart does not strike me as the violent type.
ME: You'd be surprised. The ones you don't expect are always the ones who do crazy things like shoot up post offices or wear button downs with jeans.
JEREMY: I wear button downs with--Never mind!
ME: Look, I'm tired. I'm going to bed.
JEREMY: Fine. Go to bed. Forget the fact that I had a horrendous night of my own.

Then I felt bad. I hadn't even processed what Joey had said, and from the two empty cartons of Ben and Jerry's on the counter I could tell it had been a rough night.

ME: Jeremy, I'm--
JEREMY: And why did you try and make it sound like something had been happening with Joey and I? You know I would never do anything with someone who has a boyfriend.

Oh right, that would be me.

ME: I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. What happened tonight?
JEREMY: I don't want to talk about it.
ME: You always want to talk about everything.
JEREMY: I know, but I can't talk about it, so I don't want to. I'm just going to go to bed, okay?
ME: Okay, but you know if somebody's been messing with you--
JEREMY: You're the only person who got messed with tonight, Bruiser.
ME: I also kicked some ass at RI-TRI.
JEREMY: The big orgy plot worked?
ME: Like a fucking charm.
JEREMY: See, you always wind up on top.

I'll leave that alone.

Jeremy gave me a kiss on the side of the head, and went into his room. A minute later, my phone lit up.

TEXT FROM JOEY: I can't believe you did that.
TEXT FROM ME: Are you turned on?
TEXT FROM JOEY: You're insane.
TEXT FROM ME: Would saying 'he started' it be childish of me?
TEXT FROM JOEY: Just leave me alone for awhile, okay?
TEXT FROM ME: Are you serious?

But I got nothing back until--

TEXT FROM RITCHIE: Are you busy? I want a repeat of the other night.
TEXT FROM ME: Fuck off, you blackmailing dickhead.
TEXT FROM RITCHIE: Maybe I should just text Bart, and then Jeremy...
TEXT FROM ME: Fine, come over.

I might as well get the rest of my aggression out some way.

Too bad. It had the potential to be a truly stellar night.