Drown Your Sorrows

Hi, my name is Ben.

GUY LYING NEXT TO ME: Ben?

I have to get going.

School has now become an awkward area due to the very public confrontation between me and Jeremy.

JEREMY: Why would you talk to him?
ME: Is there a rule that says I can't talk to people?
JEREMY: Yes, it's called 'Don't Hit on the Guy Your Friend' likes. It's a very popular rule.
ME: Oh, so I can't like any of the twelve guys you currently have a crush on?
JEREMY: Sorry. I didn't know I had to make way for people who aren't even out of the closet yet.
ME: That's a fucked up thing to say.
JEREMY: Ben, it's simple logic. You can't use the equipment until you join the gym!

I guess I should have been worried that Jeremy would out me to everyone, but then again, I don't really give a shit about much anymore, so that's probably why all I did was walk away from him.

GUY LYING NEXT TO ME: Hey, where are you going?
ME: I have class. It was nice meeting you.
GUY LYING NEXT TO ME: Yeah, you too.

I throw on my clothes and head to my dorm room where I proceed to sleep until four o'clock. Then I head to my musical theater performance class, already ten minutes late.

When I walk in, I can feel the entire room tense up. Jeremy is sitting across from the room, and he must have sensed that it was me, because he doesn't turn to look when I walk in. But everyone else sure does.

HANK: Awk-ward.

The professor is named Murray Hawkins. He's a quiet kind of guy, and just about every musical theater major wants his approval. I was kind of pissed at myself for being late to class. I'll have to make up for it with my performance.

MURRAY: Ben, you're going today, right?
ME: You bet I am.

I hand the accompanist my sheet music and stand in front of my firing squad, otherwise known as my peers.

ME: Hi, my name is Ben, and I will be singing 'I Don't Care Much' from Cabaret.

It shouldn't be too hard selling this one, since at the moment the only message I wanted to convey to anyone was a giant 'fuck off.'

I DON'T CARE MUCH
GO OR STAY
I DON'T CARE VERY MUCH
EITHER WAY

That night after class, I went back to my dorm, but Carter was there with Billy. They were reading the Wilde Blog out loud to each other.

BILLY: It looks like John Davis will be keeping his spot at the top of the gay food chain in Rhode Island, after an attempted coup by Bart Saunders failed yesterday.
CARTER: I want to meet this guy. He sounds cool.

You want to meet him so you can climb his food chain, I thought to myself.

CARTER: Are you going out again, Benny?

I keep asking him not to call me "Benny" but he seems to like saying the "e" in it. Go figure.

ME: Yeah, I'm going to take a walk.

HEARTS GROW COLD
ON A WINDY STREET.
LIPS GROW COLD
WITH THE RENT TO MEET.

I wound up in Trent 5-10, the party suite. Whenever you need to take your mind off things, it's a good place to go--mostly because they can get you drunk and high five minutes after you walk into the place.

GINA: Hey baby!

As soon as I walked in the place, I spotted Gina and Eli sitting on the couch with a couple of empty cups on the table in front of them. OSC is a dry campus, but nobody seems to keep that in mind.

ELI: Benizzle! Fa real?
ME: Fa real, Eli. I need to get wasted.
GINA: Then you have come to the right place, sweetie. Have a seat.

Gina is really hot. If I weren't into guys, I'd be all over her. She also doesn't make it much of a secret that she finds me attractive, but then again, most of the girls are. I'll admit it; it'll be hard giving that up once I come out. If I come out.

After about an hour, I was completely out of my mind. I was laughing at everything and wrestling with Gina while Eli threw pretzels at us. Finally, we all wound up in Gina's room on the bed watching television. I'm not sure exactly how what happened next did, but suddenly I was kissing Gina.

Our shirts were both off, and we were rolling around on her bed. Keep in mind, I was completely drunk, although it was still kind of fun. But then at one point, Gina was just sort of laying to the side passed out, but I still felt someone kissing me. I turned around and then--Wham!

I was making out with Eli.

SO IF YOU KISS ME
IF WE TOUCH
WARNING'S FAIR
I DON'T CARE
VERY MUCH.

When it was all over, Gina was stilll asleep and Eli and I were lying next to each other.

ME: That was...
ELI: Man, I am so drunk.
ME: Huh?
ELI: I'm not going to remember any of this tomorrow.

And he put on his clothes, and left.

I'd say Who knew? But really, who didn't?