Hi, my name is Cal.
WINSTON: Care for another drink?
ME: I always care, Winston. Always.
Winston buys me drinks.
Drinks.
Clothes.
Trips to the Bahamas.
You know, stuff like that.
In exchange, I hang out with him. Winston enjoys the company of younger men.
Let's get something straight though--I don't sleep with him.
I mean, I guess at some point I might have to in order to keep the gravy train on the tracks, and I'll wrestle with the moral implications of that when the time comes, but for now all I need to do is stand next to him at clubs, get dirty looks from boys who wish they had it as sweet as I do, and let him get me drunk.
These are all things I can do.
Winston and I were at Bowie's--closing the place down--when I started to feel sick.
WINSTON: What's wrong?
ME: I didn't eat today.
WINSTON: So then you shouldn't be sick.
ME: Ugh, I think I have to throw up.
The feeling came, then went, then came back again. Thankfully, it was time to leave anyway.
Winston got my coat and I hobbled outside. I sat down on the sidewalk outside the club and put my head between my knees.
Something was telling me someone had put a little extra extra in my drink. My vision was blurring and I couldn't seem to focus on any single thought.
That might be why I didn't look up until after I heard the noise.
It was almost like in a movie--an older movie, a cheesy 70's movie--when they do a flashback and they purposefully make the whole screen look out of focus except for what they want you to see. It was like I was only seeing what I had to, or I guess less than that since what I saw wasn't that helpful, and everything else was just hazy.
I saw Ben--up on the hood of a car--a car that had clearly just run into him.
Then he fell off the side of the car and into the road. The car took off.
I stood up, felt dizzy, started to call out "Help" and instead fell right into Winston's waiting arms.
WINSTON: I think you're going to stay at my place tonight, kiddo.
I tried to say "No," that a guy I knew was lying in the road where another car could come along and run him over, but no words were coming out.
ME: Can't...I have to...
WINSTON: Ssshh, don't worry. I'll take care of my little boy.
He practically carried me away, and all I could think of was that car. Despite the fact that I couldn't see the person driving it, I had the distinct feeling that I knew whoever it was.
And then I blacked out completely.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
A Better Disposition
Hi, my name is Ben.
NATHAN: Ben, come back!
They can all go straight to--
ME: F**k off!
Nathan dragged me to the club, even though he knows how much I hate it there. And I could hear them. I could hear all of them. Talking about me.
They were all standing up on the second level of the club looking down on Nathan and me dancing.
He kept telling me not to let it bother me, but I couldn't help it.
I let him get me drunk before we went. That was the only way I could handle being there at all.
And they were all up there--Jeremy, Ritchie, Billy, Carter, Hank, Cal, Joey--the only one missing was Eli, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was out somewhere shaking in his boots because good old Ben had finally taken that last flying leap out of the closet, and I might try dragging him out, too.
It wasn't just all of them up there judging me. There were guys around them laughing at me. Old club whores who never got married, never had kids, never fulfilled that new gay ideal that everyone talks so much about. I mean, every gay man you meet now says that one day he's going to settle down, but let's face it--that's not happening for any of them.
Well, it's going to happen for me.
All I could hear was the laughter.
Before I knew it, I was out the door. Nathan was running after me, but I was too fast for him. He's a good guy. He deserves better than me. But he shouldn't have tried to change me. That was wrong. I don't belong--
ME: I don't belong here, Nathan!
NATHAN: Yes, you do. You belong here as much as any of them.
VOICE: Excuse me.
They were all standing behind him. All seven of them.
RITCHIE: Would we be the 'them' you're referring to?
CARTER: Are we really making you that uncomfortable, Ben?
BILLY: We weren't doing anything.
ME: Oh please! You all love the fact that I'm here!
CAL: Maybe because it shows that you're actually accepting the fact that you're gay rather than just sucking dick and calling it a phase.
JOEY: Or maybe because it's nice to see you having fun at all.
HANK: Or maybe we just don't give it a shit and it's all in your head.
I started walking away again.
JEREMY: Ben, wait!
Jeremy ran up to me. Great. What salt was he going to rub in?
JEREMY: Ben, I know that you and I...Well...it's been a rough year. But, I genuinely was happy to see you tonight, because I know how hard this has all been for you.
ME: You have no idea.
JEREMY: Oh, I don't? What did you think my coming out was like? A teddy bear picnic?
ME: Screw you.
JEREMY: I don't want to fight. I'm just saying. We're not your enemies. We are your friends, and there might be a time when we have to be more than that. Because we're part of a community, Ben. We have shared experiences and heartaches and joys and losses and there is going to be a time when you have to utilize that whether you like it or not.
He turned and walked back to the group. Nathan came up to me and put his arm around me and the group turned to go, but I wasn't quite done yet.
ME: How dare you.
They all turned back around.
ME: How dare you insinuate that you're some kind of family to me.
RITCHIE: Ben, are you done attacking Jeremy--
ME: I'm not just attacking Jeremy. You all need to know, I am nothing like any of you.
HANK: We got that loud and clear.
ME: I mean, look at all of you--
NATHAN: Ben, stop it.
ME: You don't even know them Nathan! I mean, did you know that Billy hates being gay just as much as I do, and he stands there acting like he's in agreement with everyone when really he just likes seeing me squirm.
BILLY: Oh, shut up, Ben.
ME: And Ritchie, he's a really model gay man. He blackmails people for sex.
RITCHIE: You're a waste of time.
ME: Carter isn't even officially out yet, but that's okay, because he only tries to go down on people when they're sleeping.
CARTER: I don't know what--
ME: Hank also still claims to like girls, but that's probably because he couldn't get guys even if he did admit he liked them.
HANK: Keep talking and you're getting punched the f**k out.
ME: Joey cheated on his boyfriend. Cal's just a whore.
CAL: You didn't mind that I was a whore when you were in bed with me.
ME: And Jeremy, good old Jeremy, the one who wants to be everybody's big brother. Well, he's the best of them all. A total hypocrite. Who gossips, and manipulates, and judges from on high--When really, he's just jealous because I get what I want and he can't get anything he wants--namely someone to pay attention to him.
Jeremy took a few steps towards me and then stopped.
JEREMY: I feel sorry for you, Ben.
ME: Don't bother. Oh, and if Eli were here, I'd be telling everyone about a little threeway in which he was much more about person number two than person number one.
JOEY: What are you talking about?
RITCHIE: Let's just go back inside.
I turned around to see Eli standing in front of me.
ME: Eli, what--
But the punch silenced me, and the last thing I heard was Cal saying--
CAL: That bitch needs to be taught a better disposition.
--and then I hit the ground.
NATHAN: Ben, come back!
They can all go straight to--
ME: F**k off!
Nathan dragged me to the club, even though he knows how much I hate it there. And I could hear them. I could hear all of them. Talking about me.
They were all standing up on the second level of the club looking down on Nathan and me dancing.
He kept telling me not to let it bother me, but I couldn't help it.
I let him get me drunk before we went. That was the only way I could handle being there at all.
And they were all up there--Jeremy, Ritchie, Billy, Carter, Hank, Cal, Joey--the only one missing was Eli, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was out somewhere shaking in his boots because good old Ben had finally taken that last flying leap out of the closet, and I might try dragging him out, too.
It wasn't just all of them up there judging me. There were guys around them laughing at me. Old club whores who never got married, never had kids, never fulfilled that new gay ideal that everyone talks so much about. I mean, every gay man you meet now says that one day he's going to settle down, but let's face it--that's not happening for any of them.
Well, it's going to happen for me.
All I could hear was the laughter.
Before I knew it, I was out the door. Nathan was running after me, but I was too fast for him. He's a good guy. He deserves better than me. But he shouldn't have tried to change me. That was wrong. I don't belong--
ME: I don't belong here, Nathan!
NATHAN: Yes, you do. You belong here as much as any of them.
VOICE: Excuse me.
They were all standing behind him. All seven of them.
RITCHIE: Would we be the 'them' you're referring to?
CARTER: Are we really making you that uncomfortable, Ben?
BILLY: We weren't doing anything.
ME: Oh please! You all love the fact that I'm here!
CAL: Maybe because it shows that you're actually accepting the fact that you're gay rather than just sucking dick and calling it a phase.
JOEY: Or maybe because it's nice to see you having fun at all.
HANK: Or maybe we just don't give it a shit and it's all in your head.
I started walking away again.
JEREMY: Ben, wait!
Jeremy ran up to me. Great. What salt was he going to rub in?
JEREMY: Ben, I know that you and I...Well...it's been a rough year. But, I genuinely was happy to see you tonight, because I know how hard this has all been for you.
ME: You have no idea.
JEREMY: Oh, I don't? What did you think my coming out was like? A teddy bear picnic?
ME: Screw you.
JEREMY: I don't want to fight. I'm just saying. We're not your enemies. We are your friends, and there might be a time when we have to be more than that. Because we're part of a community, Ben. We have shared experiences and heartaches and joys and losses and there is going to be a time when you have to utilize that whether you like it or not.
He turned and walked back to the group. Nathan came up to me and put his arm around me and the group turned to go, but I wasn't quite done yet.
ME: How dare you.
They all turned back around.
ME: How dare you insinuate that you're some kind of family to me.
RITCHIE: Ben, are you done attacking Jeremy--
ME: I'm not just attacking Jeremy. You all need to know, I am nothing like any of you.
HANK: We got that loud and clear.
ME: I mean, look at all of you--
NATHAN: Ben, stop it.
ME: You don't even know them Nathan! I mean, did you know that Billy hates being gay just as much as I do, and he stands there acting like he's in agreement with everyone when really he just likes seeing me squirm.
BILLY: Oh, shut up, Ben.
ME: And Ritchie, he's a really model gay man. He blackmails people for sex.
RITCHIE: You're a waste of time.
ME: Carter isn't even officially out yet, but that's okay, because he only tries to go down on people when they're sleeping.
CARTER: I don't know what--
ME: Hank also still claims to like girls, but that's probably because he couldn't get guys even if he did admit he liked them.
HANK: Keep talking and you're getting punched the f**k out.
ME: Joey cheated on his boyfriend. Cal's just a whore.
CAL: You didn't mind that I was a whore when you were in bed with me.
ME: And Jeremy, good old Jeremy, the one who wants to be everybody's big brother. Well, he's the best of them all. A total hypocrite. Who gossips, and manipulates, and judges from on high--When really, he's just jealous because I get what I want and he can't get anything he wants--namely someone to pay attention to him.
Jeremy took a few steps towards me and then stopped.
JEREMY: I feel sorry for you, Ben.
ME: Don't bother. Oh, and if Eli were here, I'd be telling everyone about a little threeway in which he was much more about person number two than person number one.
JOEY: What are you talking about?
RITCHIE: Let's just go back inside.
I turned around to see Eli standing in front of me.
ME: Eli, what--
But the punch silenced me, and the last thing I heard was Cal saying--
CAL: That bitch needs to be taught a better disposition.
--and then I hit the ground.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Happy Birthday John Davis
Hi, my name is Davis.
RITCHIE: When are the strippers showing up?
It's my birthday.
I'm not telling you what birthday it is, because I hate birthdays and the only reason I celebrate them is because it gives me an excuse to act like a drunken fool without anyone judging me.
I get more drunk on my birthday than any other day of the year--the only other day that even comes close is Thanksgiving.
HANK: So who's coming to this fiesta?
The plan was as follows: Get a few of my closest friends over to my place. It's important not to have one of those free-for-alls where everyone is invited, because let's face it--a party's only as good as the people that aren't invited to it.
Step two, get everyone plastered.
Step three, head to the club to revel in debauchery.
Currently, we were in the middle of steps one and two.
The guest list was as follows: Joey, Ritchie (because as much as I hate to admit it, if you want your party to be decent, you have to invite Ritchie), Hank, a few RI-TRI boys (I had to bury the hatcher with some of them in order to turn them against each other), and Carter--I'm not even sure I invited him, but whatever--he's cute.
Jeremy would be joining us at the club later. This was partly because things were bound to be a little awkward now that he doesn't live here anymore, and partly because he doesn't drink, so he really wasn't missing out on much.
I was already more hammered than a sorority girl during rush week.
ME: When are we bringing this party to Prisms?
RITCHIE: We are not going to Prisms. It's a Saturday, which means it's filled with idiots and the cover is outrageous. We'll go to Bowie's.
HANK: With the sugar daddies?
RITCHIE: Why go otherwise? Ritchie wants his drinks bought for him tonight.
HANK: I can't argue with that.
ME: Is it hot in here or...Fraggles?
JOEY: Babe, are you feeling all right?
ME: Yeah, yeah, YEAH! Let's go party!
Things were already getting blurry.
CARTER: Anyone want to see my underwear?
I don't actually remember going to the club, being at the club, coming home from the club, or anything else that happened that night. I woke up with Joey sitting on the bed next to me.
ME: Give it to me straight, Joey.
JOEY: You made out with Carter.
ME: Well, that was bound to happen.
JOEY: I immediately forgave you since you kept saying your name was Toyran and you were from Ohio.
ME: What else did I do?
JOEY: Recited all of "What a Man" by En Vogue, called Ronnie the Bartender a "leering waste of excess organs--"
ME: I would have called him that even if I wasn't drunk.
JOEY: There's one more thing.
ME: Uh huh?
JOEY: You told Jeremy you loved him and he left the club.
ME: I...Wait, what?
JOEY: You confessed your undying love to Jeremy. Said you couldn't live without him.
ME: Oh...
JOEY: That I couldn't forgive you for. I mean, I did, but now I don't think we can see each other anymore.
ME: Fair enough. Why am I wearing a turtleneck? I don't own a turtleneck.
JOEY: You insisted on wearing it. It took Hank, Ritchie, and I an hour to get you into bed and asleep. Ritchie then suggested a three and a halfway--the half being because you were unconscious--but I just wasn't up for it and sent the two of them home.
ME: Thanks.
JOEY: I'll be leaving now.
ME: Okay. I'm really sorry.
JOEY: Don't mention it. Happy Birthday, Davis.
ME: You too.
JOEY: That doesn't--oh never mind.
He got up and left, and I fell back asleep.
Before that happened, I tried to make a mental note to myself:
Apologize to Jeremy for...confessing...undying love...
F**k me.
RITCHIE: When are the strippers showing up?
It's my birthday.
I'm not telling you what birthday it is, because I hate birthdays and the only reason I celebrate them is because it gives me an excuse to act like a drunken fool without anyone judging me.
I get more drunk on my birthday than any other day of the year--the only other day that even comes close is Thanksgiving.
HANK: So who's coming to this fiesta?
The plan was as follows: Get a few of my closest friends over to my place. It's important not to have one of those free-for-alls where everyone is invited, because let's face it--a party's only as good as the people that aren't invited to it.
Step two, get everyone plastered.
Step three, head to the club to revel in debauchery.
Currently, we were in the middle of steps one and two.
The guest list was as follows: Joey, Ritchie (because as much as I hate to admit it, if you want your party to be decent, you have to invite Ritchie), Hank, a few RI-TRI boys (I had to bury the hatcher with some of them in order to turn them against each other), and Carter--I'm not even sure I invited him, but whatever--he's cute.
Jeremy would be joining us at the club later. This was partly because things were bound to be a little awkward now that he doesn't live here anymore, and partly because he doesn't drink, so he really wasn't missing out on much.
I was already more hammered than a sorority girl during rush week.
ME: When are we bringing this party to Prisms?
RITCHIE: We are not going to Prisms. It's a Saturday, which means it's filled with idiots and the cover is outrageous. We'll go to Bowie's.
HANK: With the sugar daddies?
RITCHIE: Why go otherwise? Ritchie wants his drinks bought for him tonight.
HANK: I can't argue with that.
ME: Is it hot in here or...Fraggles?
JOEY: Babe, are you feeling all right?
ME: Yeah, yeah, YEAH! Let's go party!
Things were already getting blurry.
CARTER: Anyone want to see my underwear?
I don't actually remember going to the club, being at the club, coming home from the club, or anything else that happened that night. I woke up with Joey sitting on the bed next to me.
ME: Give it to me straight, Joey.
JOEY: You made out with Carter.
ME: Well, that was bound to happen.
JOEY: I immediately forgave you since you kept saying your name was Toyran and you were from Ohio.
ME: What else did I do?
JOEY: Recited all of "What a Man" by En Vogue, called Ronnie the Bartender a "leering waste of excess organs--"
ME: I would have called him that even if I wasn't drunk.
JOEY: There's one more thing.
ME: Uh huh?
JOEY: You told Jeremy you loved him and he left the club.
ME: I...Wait, what?
JOEY: You confessed your undying love to Jeremy. Said you couldn't live without him.
ME: Oh...
JOEY: That I couldn't forgive you for. I mean, I did, but now I don't think we can see each other anymore.
ME: Fair enough. Why am I wearing a turtleneck? I don't own a turtleneck.
JOEY: You insisted on wearing it. It took Hank, Ritchie, and I an hour to get you into bed and asleep. Ritchie then suggested a three and a halfway--the half being because you were unconscious--but I just wasn't up for it and sent the two of them home.
ME: Thanks.
JOEY: I'll be leaving now.
ME: Okay. I'm really sorry.
JOEY: Don't mention it. Happy Birthday, Davis.
ME: You too.
JOEY: That doesn't--oh never mind.
He got up and left, and I fell back asleep.
Before that happened, I tried to make a mental note to myself:
Apologize to Jeremy for...confessing...undying love...
F**k me.
All Good Things Must End
Hi, my name is Jeremy.
RITCHIE: You got everything?
I'm moving out of my apartment.
Davis was a mess the entire morning. Though he holds in the fact that he's upset rather well, when push comes to shove, he tends to get really shaky.
As Ritchie was bringing my last box downstairs to my car, I could hear him in his bedroom reorganizing his desk and subsequently dropping everything on the floor.
I knew I couldn't leave him like that.
ME: Knock, knock.
DAVIS: Hey.
ME: Hey hey.
DAVIS: Shouldn't you be going?
ME: I am in a second. Just wanted to...you know.
DAVIS: What? Say good-bye?
ME: Well, yeah.
DAVIS: Don't bother. We're still going to be seeing each other all the time.
ME: I know but--
DAVIS: So this isn't a big deal or anything.
ME: No, of course not. But I mean, I'm leaving. The era of Jeremy and Davis is ending.
DAVIS: And oh, what an era it was.
He went to move his paper clip holder and it nearly hit the ground until I dove and caught it.
DAVIS: You didn't need to dive.
ME: You know I hate mess.
I handed him the holder and as I did, he pulled me in for a hug. Part of me thought I could feel a sob coming on, but Davis repressed it. As for me...
My eyes got a little teary. I'm not ashamed to admit it.
DAVIS: I can't believe you're leaving because of a boy.
ME: I'm not leaving because of a boy.
He pulled back to look at me. This was a newsflash. I'd been hiding behind the Joey excuse, but the truth was--
ME: The truth is, the only boy I'm leaving for is me.
DAVIS: Why?
ME: Look, when you started dating Joey, I realized something. I realized that I connect too much of myself to you. I'm John Davis' best friend, and I love that, but I don't love being just that. I took you having an affair with him so personally, because in a lot of ways, I felt like I was a part of the affair.
DAVIS: Jeremy, you're a huge part of my life.
ME: And I think my part in it needs to get just a little bit smaller. For both our sanities, and for our friendship.
He nodded. I could see this made sense to him.
DAVIS: So it's all for the best then, huh?
ME: I think so.
DAVIS: Do you want to jump around the apartment one last time?
ME: Um...YES.
Ritchie came back to find Davis and I bopping around like we usually do...did...at 3am after coming home from the clubs. We'd be wired, but we'd need to sleep, so we'd tire ourselves out by putting on Jackie Wilson's "Higher and Higher" and flailing like lunatics.
RITCHIE: Is this some sort of moving ritual I'm not aware of?
ME: Come on, Ritchie. Join in the fun.
RITCHIE: No, that's all right. I can see this is between you two. I'll be downstairs.
And for the next two minutes, it was just Davis and me.
All I could think was, Will it ever be this way again?
RITCHIE: You got everything?
I'm moving out of my apartment.
Davis was a mess the entire morning. Though he holds in the fact that he's upset rather well, when push comes to shove, he tends to get really shaky.
As Ritchie was bringing my last box downstairs to my car, I could hear him in his bedroom reorganizing his desk and subsequently dropping everything on the floor.
I knew I couldn't leave him like that.
ME: Knock, knock.
DAVIS: Hey.
ME: Hey hey.
DAVIS: Shouldn't you be going?
ME: I am in a second. Just wanted to...you know.
DAVIS: What? Say good-bye?
ME: Well, yeah.
DAVIS: Don't bother. We're still going to be seeing each other all the time.
ME: I know but--
DAVIS: So this isn't a big deal or anything.
ME: No, of course not. But I mean, I'm leaving. The era of Jeremy and Davis is ending.
DAVIS: And oh, what an era it was.
He went to move his paper clip holder and it nearly hit the ground until I dove and caught it.
DAVIS: You didn't need to dive.
ME: You know I hate mess.
I handed him the holder and as I did, he pulled me in for a hug. Part of me thought I could feel a sob coming on, but Davis repressed it. As for me...
My eyes got a little teary. I'm not ashamed to admit it.
DAVIS: I can't believe you're leaving because of a boy.
ME: I'm not leaving because of a boy.
He pulled back to look at me. This was a newsflash. I'd been hiding behind the Joey excuse, but the truth was--
ME: The truth is, the only boy I'm leaving for is me.
DAVIS: Why?
ME: Look, when you started dating Joey, I realized something. I realized that I connect too much of myself to you. I'm John Davis' best friend, and I love that, but I don't love being just that. I took you having an affair with him so personally, because in a lot of ways, I felt like I was a part of the affair.
DAVIS: Jeremy, you're a huge part of my life.
ME: And I think my part in it needs to get just a little bit smaller. For both our sanities, and for our friendship.
He nodded. I could see this made sense to him.
DAVIS: So it's all for the best then, huh?
ME: I think so.
DAVIS: Do you want to jump around the apartment one last time?
ME: Um...YES.
Ritchie came back to find Davis and I bopping around like we usually do...did...at 3am after coming home from the clubs. We'd be wired, but we'd need to sleep, so we'd tire ourselves out by putting on Jackie Wilson's "Higher and Higher" and flailing like lunatics.
RITCHIE: Is this some sort of moving ritual I'm not aware of?
ME: Come on, Ritchie. Join in the fun.
RITCHIE: No, that's all right. I can see this is between you two. I'll be downstairs.
And for the next two minutes, it was just Davis and me.
All I could think was, Will it ever be this way again?
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Nothing to Hide
Hi, my name is Eli.
WILDE: Hello Eli.
I'm f**king freaking the f**k out--like, what the f**k?
ME: Hey Jeremy.
JEREMY: Hey Eli.
ME: Um, question--
JEREMY: No, I do not have the sheet music to "Something's Coming."
ME: Damn! Second question, whose this Wilde guy?
JEREMY: Wilde? You mean like Wilde's Blog-Wilde?
ME: Yeah. Who writes that?
JEREMY: The same guy whose buried in Grant's Tomb.
ME: So some guy named Grant?
JEREMY: No, Eli, nobody knows. It's like the mystery of the gay community in Rhode Island.
ME: Double damn.
JEREMY: Why do you want to know?
ME: Just curious. Gotta go. Bye.
This isn't good.
WILDE: Hello Eli, this is Wilde. Just thought I'd let you know I have proof that you're a friend of Dorothy.
What the hell does that mean? I don't even know anyone named Dorothy?
WILDE: Since you probably don't know what that means, I'll be clearer. I have proof that you're a big flaming homo.
S**t.
WILDE: I plan on divulging this information in due time. If you decide to come out on your own terms, then you can beat me to the punch. If not...Your private indiscretions are about to become public fodder.
What? Why does this guy have it in for me?
WILDE: Ttfn--Love Wilde.
I wanted to throw my computer across the wall. How does this guy even know me? And how did he get my e-mail address?
I had to find him before he...spread lies about me.
Hopefully there's enough time.
WILDE: Hello Eli.
I'm f**king freaking the f**k out--like, what the f**k?
ME: Hey Jeremy.
JEREMY: Hey Eli.
ME: Um, question--
JEREMY: No, I do not have the sheet music to "Something's Coming."
ME: Damn! Second question, whose this Wilde guy?
JEREMY: Wilde? You mean like Wilde's Blog-Wilde?
ME: Yeah. Who writes that?
JEREMY: The same guy whose buried in Grant's Tomb.
ME: So some guy named Grant?
JEREMY: No, Eli, nobody knows. It's like the mystery of the gay community in Rhode Island.
ME: Double damn.
JEREMY: Why do you want to know?
ME: Just curious. Gotta go. Bye.
This isn't good.
WILDE: Hello Eli, this is Wilde. Just thought I'd let you know I have proof that you're a friend of Dorothy.
What the hell does that mean? I don't even know anyone named Dorothy?
WILDE: Since you probably don't know what that means, I'll be clearer. I have proof that you're a big flaming homo.
S**t.
WILDE: I plan on divulging this information in due time. If you decide to come out on your own terms, then you can beat me to the punch. If not...Your private indiscretions are about to become public fodder.
What? Why does this guy have it in for me?
WILDE: Ttfn--Love Wilde.
I wanted to throw my computer across the wall. How does this guy even know me? And how did he get my e-mail address?
I had to find him before he...spread lies about me.
Hopefully there's enough time.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Mardi Gras
Hi, my name is Hank.
RITCHIE: This place is like a halfway house for ghetto twinks in their underwear.
Welcome to Mardi Gras.
Jeremy, Ritchie, and I decided to check it out because...
Well, we're gay. What else is there to do?
Of course, as soon as we got there, I was miserable. The entire night was a reminder of why I'm going to die alone.
I'm not slutty.
I'm not eight pounds.
I'm not coked out of my mind.
ME: This blows.
RITCHIE: And not in a fun way.
ME: Maybe we should have checked out the party at the Token.
RITCHIE: We couldn't, because somebody didn't want to run into their ex-roommate.
JEREMY: No, somebody didn't want to run into their ex-roommate and Joey--together--after he pretty much denounced the two of them.
ME: I thought you and Davis were on good terms.
JEREMY: We are, and I'd like to keep it that way.
RITCHIE: Meanwhile, all the cute Brown boys and the sophisticados are at Token, and we're stuck here at Prisms with the Ho-Down squad.
We gave the place another hour, and then decided to bail. To try salvaging the night, we stopped off at the IHOP for some midnight breakfast.
Ritchie took his own car, so it was just me and Jeremy on the ride there.
ME: I hate it.
JEREMY: What?
ME: You know what.
JEREMY: It's going to be okay, Hank. You're just feeling a little lonely. It happens to everyone.
ME: No really, Jeremy, I hate everything about it. The community. The people. Your roommate. All of it. Nobody finds me attractive.
JEREMY: Cough cough.
ME: Except you.
We arrived at the IHOP a minute later, but before I could get out of the car, Jeremy put his hand on my shoulder.
ME: What's wrong?
JEREMY: Nothing, I just...
ME: What?
He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
JEREMY: Yeah. I figured--
But before he could say anything else, I grabbed him and kissed him full-on.
I wasn't intending for this to go anwhere, and pretty soon we were going to have to go inside or Ritchie would think we bailed on him.
And on top of all of that, I don't think either one of us is actually attracted to the other.
But hey, it's Mardi Gras. Why not go a little crazy?
RITCHIE: This place is like a halfway house for ghetto twinks in their underwear.
Welcome to Mardi Gras.
Jeremy, Ritchie, and I decided to check it out because...
Well, we're gay. What else is there to do?
Of course, as soon as we got there, I was miserable. The entire night was a reminder of why I'm going to die alone.
I'm not slutty.
I'm not eight pounds.
I'm not coked out of my mind.
ME: This blows.
RITCHIE: And not in a fun way.
ME: Maybe we should have checked out the party at the Token.
RITCHIE: We couldn't, because somebody didn't want to run into their ex-roommate.
JEREMY: No, somebody didn't want to run into their ex-roommate and Joey--together--after he pretty much denounced the two of them.
ME: I thought you and Davis were on good terms.
JEREMY: We are, and I'd like to keep it that way.
RITCHIE: Meanwhile, all the cute Brown boys and the sophisticados are at Token, and we're stuck here at Prisms with the Ho-Down squad.
We gave the place another hour, and then decided to bail. To try salvaging the night, we stopped off at the IHOP for some midnight breakfast.
Ritchie took his own car, so it was just me and Jeremy on the ride there.
ME: I hate it.
JEREMY: What?
ME: You know what.
JEREMY: It's going to be okay, Hank. You're just feeling a little lonely. It happens to everyone.
ME: No really, Jeremy, I hate everything about it. The community. The people. Your roommate. All of it. Nobody finds me attractive.
JEREMY: Cough cough.
ME: Except you.
We arrived at the IHOP a minute later, but before I could get out of the car, Jeremy put his hand on my shoulder.
ME: What's wrong?
JEREMY: Nothing, I just...
ME: What?
He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
JEREMY: Yeah. I figured--
But before he could say anything else, I grabbed him and kissed him full-on.
I wasn't intending for this to go anwhere, and pretty soon we were going to have to go inside or Ritchie would think we bailed on him.
And on top of all of that, I don't think either one of us is actually attracted to the other.
But hey, it's Mardi Gras. Why not go a little crazy?
Sunday, February 17, 2008
We Have to Be Something
Hi, my name is Joey.
DAVIS: Why is it right before you give me head, you always have to talk about relationships?
Dating Davis is...not always easy.
We were laying in his bed watching tv, and he had started to kiss my neck, which drives me absolutely insane. But the truth is, I was getting a little bored with all this. It just seemed like it wasn't going towards anything.
I shared my concerns with Davis.
Typically, he wanted to avoid the subject.
ME: Davis, I want something with substance.
DAVIS: You had someone with substance. Then you broke up with him to have sex with. So clearly, substance isn't what you're looking for.
ME: I broke up with Bart because things weren't working, and this isn't working either.
DAVIS: It's working fine. We have our lives, we have good sex; what more could you want?
ME: I want you to be my boyfriend.
He looked as if I just shot a puppy in front of him.
DAVIS: That's not fair. You always knew that wasn't in the cards.
ME: Is it really though? Is it really not in the cards at all?
DAVIS: I'm sorry, but...Not at all. No. I like you a lot, Joey, but...I am who I am.
That did it for me. It's one thing to have a fear of commitment. It's another to embrace that fear with a great big bear hug and give it a kiss on the lips.
I got out of bed and started putting my clothes on.
DAVIS: What are you doing?
ME: I'm leaving. I'm not sleeping next to someone who doesn't even want to call me his boyfriend.
DAVIS: I can't believe you actually want to jump into another relationship so fast!
ME: I'm not a whore, Davis. I don't just sleep with someone over and over again without any reason to.
DAVIS: I'm sorry. Is 'fun' no longer a reason?
ME: No, you're exactly right, it isn't a reason. Not any more.
Part of me hoped he would stop me before I got out of the apartment, but when I finally walked back into my own, I knew that was never in the cards.
Davis doesn't chase after you. Davis doesn't fall in love. Davis doesn't have boyfriends.
So why do I want Davis so badly?
DAVIS: Why is it right before you give me head, you always have to talk about relationships?
Dating Davis is...not always easy.
We were laying in his bed watching tv, and he had started to kiss my neck, which drives me absolutely insane. But the truth is, I was getting a little bored with all this. It just seemed like it wasn't going towards anything.
I shared my concerns with Davis.
Typically, he wanted to avoid the subject.
ME: Davis, I want something with substance.
DAVIS: You had someone with substance. Then you broke up with him to have sex with. So clearly, substance isn't what you're looking for.
ME: I broke up with Bart because things weren't working, and this isn't working either.
DAVIS: It's working fine. We have our lives, we have good sex; what more could you want?
ME: I want you to be my boyfriend.
He looked as if I just shot a puppy in front of him.
DAVIS: That's not fair. You always knew that wasn't in the cards.
ME: Is it really though? Is it really not in the cards at all?
DAVIS: I'm sorry, but...Not at all. No. I like you a lot, Joey, but...I am who I am.
That did it for me. It's one thing to have a fear of commitment. It's another to embrace that fear with a great big bear hug and give it a kiss on the lips.
I got out of bed and started putting my clothes on.
DAVIS: What are you doing?
ME: I'm leaving. I'm not sleeping next to someone who doesn't even want to call me his boyfriend.
DAVIS: I can't believe you actually want to jump into another relationship so fast!
ME: I'm not a whore, Davis. I don't just sleep with someone over and over again without any reason to.
DAVIS: I'm sorry. Is 'fun' no longer a reason?
ME: No, you're exactly right, it isn't a reason. Not any more.
Part of me hoped he would stop me before I got out of the apartment, but when I finally walked back into my own, I knew that was never in the cards.
Davis doesn't chase after you. Davis doesn't fall in love. Davis doesn't have boyfriends.
So why do I want Davis so badly?
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