The Doppleganger

Hi, my name is Hank.

DEVON: So...um...

This is my celebrity boyfriend.

I admit, I feel a little guilty about breaking up with Jackson, especially since his Mom was the one who orchestrated by new relationship.

Then I saw him naked, and all that guilt just fell off me like Devon's pants onto my bedroom floor.

I was only supposed to get him for a night, but then I asked him to stay, and he said, 'Yes.'

It's been Heaven ever since.

DEVON: Are we going to talk about how this ends?

We were lying in bed--in sheer bliss. The last thing I wanted to think about was this ending.

ME: I was thinking maybe I could move back to L.A. with you.
DEVON: Um, are we still playing that game?

Silence.

ME: Game?
DEVON: Yeah, that rich lady told me you wanted me to pretend that I was Devon Shaw, but now that the week is up--

WHAT?

ME: You're not Devon Shaw?
DEVON: No, that's just my signature. It's how I get all my work.

. . . . .

ME: What...work?
DEVON: Um, you know, chilling with dudes...

No, no, no, no--

DEVON: ...For cash.

I jumped out of bed. The first thought that ran through my head was--

Should I wash the sheets or just burn them?

ME: YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE A HOOKER!
DEVON: Escort.
ME: HOOKER!
DEVON: CLASSY HOOKER!
ME: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
DEVON: I figured you wanted to keep playing along. That lady paid for the first night, but since you wanted to keep going--
ME: Are you saying I owe you money?
DEVON: You owe me a LOT of money.
ME: Um, yeah, I don't think so. Get out.
DEVON: Dude, you don't want to do this. I need the money. I'm putting my girlfriend through school!
ME: OUT!

He took off promising to tell his "boss" what I'd done.

Looks like I was going to have to go on the run pretty soon. Once you piss off a pimp and murder your ex-boyfriend's mother, it's time to skip town.