Sunday, March 15, 2009

What We Know

Hi, my name is Ritchie.

CARTER:  I can't believe they arrested Murray.
HANK:  I can't believe Cal was murdered.
ELI:  I can't believe they're canceling the school musical.

These are the Queens.

ELI:  Oh, like none of you were thinking it?

We were all gathered at the Cheesecake Factory after watching a press conference on television describing how Murray was being blackmailed by Cal, which was thought to be the motivation behind his murdering Cal.

Of course, Cal's not actually dead.

A little problem, I know.

BILLY:  What was he blackmailing him with?
JACKSON:  Apparently Murray and Cal were having a little fling.
NATHAN:  Ewww!
BEN:  Cal and Murray were sleeping together?
JEREMY:  No, Ben, they were just taking a pottery class together.
BEN:  But Cal's Cal and Murray is our professor and he's--
NATHAN:  See previous Ewww!

I kept trying to catch Nathan's glance.  We both knew that Cal was alive, he seemed to know something about Joey's death, and he might have been the most noteworthy gay blogger in Providence--Wilde.

So how was someone being charged for his murder?

DAVIS:  Someone phoned in an anonymous tip to the police.

Hmm, wonder who that could have been?

DAVIS:  Then they found the blackmail letters from Cal, and a blood-stained shirt that belonged to Cal in Murray's car.

Easy enough to plant.

CARTER:  Poor Cal.
HANK:  Great.  Now we have to replace another catty bitch.
ELI:  We could do a reality show.  Top Bitch?

I needed to get Nathan's attention.

ME:  Hey Jeremy, I'm so glad to see you putting aside your feelings.
JEREMY:  What are you talking about?
ME:  Well, this is the first time you, Ben, Davis, and Billy have all sat down together since the big blow-up at the surprise party.

Wait for it...

JEREMY:  Oh.
DAVIS:  Yeah.
BILLY:  Hadn't thought of that.
BEN:  Hmm...

5...4...3...2...1...

JEREMY:  BY THE WAY--
DAVIS:  OH PLEASE--
BILLY:  WAITER, CAN I HAVE A KNIFE?
BEN:  CHECK, PLEASE!
CARTER:  I WANT TO YELL TOO!

Before blood could be spilled on my new shirt, I grabbed Nathan and hauled him off to the men's room.  We both piled into one stall, and worked out a plan.

NATHAN:  There's nothing we can do.

I say 'plan' very loosely.

ME:  Nathan--
NATHAN:  Cal's gone.
ME:  But he's not!
NATHAN:  But we can't find him!  And now that everybody thinks he's been murdered, nobody's going to help us!
ME:  We have to do something.  An innocent man is going to go down for murder, and Cal set this whole thing up.
NATHAN:  But what does Billy have to do with this?
ME:  That's what we have to find out.
VOICE:  With a little help, I'm assuming?

We opened the stall door.

JACKSON:  Now don't you boys know secrets don't make friends?

This duo just became a trio.

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