JACKSON: Let's begin.
I learned a new word today.
DAVIS: I motion to throw out Jackson as President.
It's "subvert."
DAVIS: Motion seconded?
JACKSON: Sit down, Davis.
DAVIS: Jackson, you have run this organization to absolutely no effect once I pulled out my assistance.
JACKSON: Oh Davis, don't worry. I was counting on you pulling out early.
This is fun.
DAVIS: Can anyone explain why Carter is here?
ME: I'm representing the shotboys.
DAVIS: Shotboys need representation?
JACKSON: Welcome to America, Davis. Now stop trying to subvert my authority and sit down.
See? Subvert.
DAVIS: Since the disappearance of Adam Setter, no significant fundraiser or event has happened in Providence, and none are planned.
JACKSON: On the contrary, we have one coming up next week.
DAVIS: Oh really? What would that be?
JACKSON: The Mr. Providence competition.
DAVIS: We already had our Mr. Gay Rhode Island competition.
JACKSON: You mean that little pageant where you crown some tacky, trashy whore the best slut in the state? I'm not interested in that. I'm talking about RI-TRI getting itself a proper symbol of class and intellect.
That was when I knew I needed to win that pageant. I've always wanted to be classy and intellectual.
DAVIS: You can't possibly be putting this together in under a week?
JACKSON: Watch me.
DAVIS: Fine. Then I'll be entering that pageant. I've already won the tacky, trashy contest back when I was nineteen and the three consecutive years after that. If you want to put a new title on the line, I'll take it.
JACKSON: I don't know, Davis. You haven't met our judges yet.
DAVIS: You already have judges?
The doors to the boardroom opened to reveal Jeremy and Billy.
DAVIS: Oh...
JACKSON: Still think you can win?
DAVIS: That's only two. Who's the third judge?
JACKSON: You're looking at him.
This was going to be easy. All I had to do was sleep with Jeremy, Jackson, and Billy before next week. Oh! And get a new haircut for the publicity photos.
DAVIS: Carter, why do you have a dumb grin on your face?
ME: I'm just thinking of puppies.
But in my head, I was already practicing my acceptance speech.
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