Think Again

Hi, my name is Wilde.

JEREMY: I need talk to you.

That's right--Wilde.

BILLY: Sure. Come on in.

Just because Bart's off to the slammer doesn't mean the gossip train has been derailed. One season ends, and another begins.

Jeremy had just stopped off at Billy's to put an end to all the waiting.

JEREMY: Before I say anything, I just want to let you know that if anything happens--I'm going to keep talking.
BILLY: Okay.
JEREMY: I don't care if the phone rings. I don't care if someone knocks at the door. I don't care if a meteor hits the roof above us. I am going to say what I have to say.
BILLY: Okay.
JEREMY: I know you're going away, and I'm glad for you. It'll be a great experience.
BILLY: Okay.
JEREMY: Before you go, however, I need to do something.
BILLY: Okay.

He kissed him. That's right. Jeremy and Billy--the Big Kiss.

BILLY: Did you just kiss me?
JEREMY: Yes.
BILLY: So we just kissed?
JEREMY: Yes.
BILLY: Us.
JEREMY: I think this is when you tell me that you're really a woman.

Billy laughed, and kissed Jeremy again.

BILLY: So is this--
JEREMY: I want to be your boyfriend. I don't want to date. I don't want to try out. I don't want to give this any more opportunities to fail. I just want to be able to look at you and say 'this person is my boyfriend. This is who I love.'
BILLY: So--
JEREMY: Yeah, I think I love you. Not think, actually. I'm pretty sure.
BILLY: That's--
JEREMY: You don't have to say it back. But why bother having me pretend, right?
BILLY: God, now I don't want to leave.
JEREMY: Is that a--'Yes, we're boyfriends?'
BILLY: Yes.
JEREMY: Good. That means you can leave and everything will be fine.
BILLY: You think so?
JEREMY: Aside from the fact that I'm going to miss you so much it'll hurt, yes. That's what I think.
BILLY: Okay then.

Back to the kissing. While they're doing that, let's check in on Davis and his new lover man.

They're currently rolling around on very expensive sheets. Travis, the older and wealthier man that Davis ripped out of Ritchie's little black book, seems to like his new boy toy.

DAVIS: You like me, don't you?
TRAVIS: What's not to like?
DAVIS: Some say my sexuality broods too much.
TRAVIS: That's why I always have spare sheets on hand.

Travis got out of bed, and wandered into the adjoining bathroom.

DAVIS: Would now be a good time to ask a favor?
TRAVIS: No, I will not let you fly my jet.
DAVIS: I wasn't going to--You have a jet?
TRAVIS: Surely it hasn't escaped you that you're dating a rather...uh...I'm loaded.
DAVIS: And so good with words.
TRAVIS: What is it you need, Mr. Davis?
DAVIS: I need to find someone.

Travis appeared in the doorway of the bathroom.

TRAVIS: An old fling?
DAVIS: No, just someone who needs to be flung. Preferably off a bridge.
TRAVIS: Oh, a score to settle.
DAVIS: Do you have a problem with that?
TRAVIS: On the contrary, I'd love to get my hands on the guy who--what did this guy do to you exactly?
DAVIS: He tried to get the best of me.
TRAVIS: Tried?
DAVIS: Tried because once I find him, I'm going to get back as much as he took--and then some.
TRAVIS: What's his name?
DAVIS: Skyler.

Looks like Davis is on the hunt for his lost fortune. Ironic, considering once he has the money, he probably won't need Good Ole Travis anymore.

BEN: I want to go back.

Anyone up for a road trip?

NATHAN: We're not going back.
BEN: Nathan, I've thought about it. I belong with Jeremy.
NATHAN: That's too bad.
BEN: I know you're hurt by this, but--
NATHAN: Does Jeremy know about you and Eli?

Oohhh...

BEN: How did you--?
NATHAN: I know he's forgiven a lot, but murder's a whole different Scrabble game, wouldn't you say?
BEN: Look, you don't understand--
NATHAN: I understand that if you make me turn this car around; I'm not driving you to Jeremy's. I'm driving you to the police.
BEN: You think that I killed Eli and you still want to be with me?
NATHAN: I'm more forgiving than Saint Jeremy.
BEN: So you're going to blackmail me to stay with you?
NATHAN: This isn't blackmail, Ben. This is love.

Ben contemplated being stuck with Nathan for the rest of his life. Then he grabbed the wheel and spun it.

NATHAN: BEN, NO!

The car went right off the road--into a ditch.

JACKSON: That was decent.
HANK: Aw, you sure know how to sweet talk a boy.

God, do these people ever LEAVE the bedroom?

JACKSON: I'm so happy we made up.
HANK: What are you talking about? I still hate you.
JACKSON: Yes, but at least we're able to have sex now without being worried that one of us was going to smother the other with the pillow.
HANK: I was going to wait until after you were tired and couldn't fight back.
VOICE: Jackson!

The Boy Wonder threw his jeans on, and Hank did the same. Then they both ran out into the living room where Jeremy was standing--helping his newest house guest with her luggage.

JACKSON: This can't be happening.
HOUSE GUEST: Sweetie--
HANK: Who's she?
HOUSE GUEST: Jackson, aren't you going to give Mommy a hug?

Hope somebody put away the wire hangers.

CARTER: Do you really love me?

Carter, how many times have you asked that question and gotten a lie?

CARTER: Do you?
VOICE: Of course I do.
CARTER: Wow, and I love you. That's like--insane.

It actually happens once a week on Grey's Anatomy.

VOICE: So we can be together. We can tell everyone about it, too?
CARTER: Of course, baby.

Speaking of babies--

VOICE/LIAM: Good.

One's just grown up.

LIAM: That's just what I like to hear.

Someone left the crib unattended apparently.

Ah, how time flies. Months go by, and before you know it, you've reached the end of August. Jeremy must be so excited now that Billy's coming home.

JEREMY: Hello?

Then a little phone call--

DAVIS: Jeremy, what's wrong?

--Right before a nice dinner with Davis.

JEREMY: It's Billy.
DAVIS: Is he okay?
JEREMY: Uh...yeah.
DAVIS: So what's--
JEREMY: He's getting married.
DAVIS: MARRIED?

I think a trip to Florida might be in the near future.

Knock, knock.

Who's at the door?

RITCHIE: Hello?

Especially this late at night--

RITCHIE: Oh my God.

Are you ready for this?

RITCHIE: Is this a joke?
JOEY: No, Ritchie. This is no joke.
RITCHIE: But--
JOEY: Aren't you going to invite me inside?

Ritchie, you're about to be let in on a big secret.

Even bigger than this one--

VOICE: Paige, are you ready to go?

That's my new friend--

ADAM: We're going to be late for orientation.

We're both starting college in the fall.

ME: Coming!

I think it's going to be one hell of a year.

Till then, this is the new Mrs. Wilde.

Signing Off.

See You in September

Hi, my name is Hank.

JEREMY: Loaded up, ready to go.

Remember in the last episode of The Golden Girls when everybody cries and hugs?

BEN: Great. Let's get the hell out of here.

This was not going to be like that.

We were all bidding Ben and Nathan a fond farewell for the summer. They had decided to drive to their summer job in Illinois.

As we watched their car pull away, I did feel a pang in my heart.

That might have been the heat.

JACKSON: It feels like nobody's going to be around for the next three months.
JEREMY: Oh, come on. Providence is lots of fun in the summer.
HANK: For one thing, there's plenty of parking--since no one's here.
CARTER: It'll be warm.
HANK: You can wear even less clothing than you wear now.
DAVIS: I'll tell you one thing. Pride this year is going to be intense.
RITCHIE: Let me guess--they finally booked Clay?
BILLY: Well, I'll be gone in another week.

Everybody turned and looked at him.

JEREMY: You're leaving too?
BILLY: I got a job in Florida.
JACKSON: Doing what?
BILLY: Working at a regional theater.
RITCHIE: Be careful with regional theaters. They never pan out.

Jeremy looked particularly upset. Maybe that old flame for Billy hadn't quite died out yet.

JEREMY: So we just get another week?
BILLY: Jeremy, I'll be back in September. It's only two months.
JEREMY: Two and a half.
JACKSON: Give me a--
JEREMY: It's just a fact.

This was bound to get awkward. I tried to lighten the mood.

HANK: So Carter, slept with anyone recently?
BILLY: Jeremy, why are you so upset?
JEREMY: I'm not upset. Who's upset? I want a bagel. Anybody else feel like a bagel?

He started walking away from the group.

DAVIS: It would be nice if he could avoid being neurotic for at least a week.

Oh yeah. This should be a real summer of fun.

The Lakehouse

Hi, my name is Ritchie.

JEREMY: It feels like it was yesterday.

They say time heals all wounds.

BILLY: I can't believe he's gone.

Of course, I don't know who 'they' is...

NATHAN: It was a beautiful funeral.

There we all were--standing in the cemetery.

BEN: I've been coming here every day. I don't know why.

Minus one, of course.

DAVIS: He's in a better place.

First, Joey. Now--

HANK: I should have been nicer to him.

--Now this.

JACKSON: It's going to rain soon.

How did this happen?

CARTER: Poor Eli.

Time for a flashback.

-- FLASHBACK --

We were all at my parents' lakehouse a week after the shoot-out at Davis' place. Carter was nearly gunned down by the police, but luckily, due to litigious issues, they hesitated before firing away as I'm sure they would have liked.

CARTER: Guys, I'm going to do a cannonball!

Bart was going to be put away for awhile, but Cal was released on bail after questioning, and promptly disappeared.

HANK: Make sure to hit your head on a rock.

Summer was here early, and I think we were all happy to have a detox period.

DAVIS: You going swimming, Jeremy?
JEREMY: You know I don't take my shirt off.
JACKSON: Not without dinner, anyway.
VOICE: PINK LEMONADE!

I had made the unfortunate mistake of inviting Paige.

PAIGE: I feel like I'm one of the gang.
BEN: You know, some people try to get OUT of this group, Paige. I don't know why you'd want to get into it.
PAIGE: You boys are harmless.
BILLY: Except for those of us who turn into murderers.
NATHAN: Or blackmailers.
ME: Don't knock blackmail. If nothing else, it's effective.

That's when I heard Eli call out. He was standing on a small cliff overlooking the east side of the lake.

ELI: Hey guys! Watch this!

He jumped...

HANK: Show-off.

...But he didn't come up.

About a minute later, we were all jumping into the lake calling his name. Nobody could find him anywhere.

DAVIS: He's got to be here somewhere!
JEREMY: This lake is huge! He might have drifted!
JACKSON: Somebody should call an ambulance.
BEN: ELI!

We all shouted until our voices were hoarse, but we never found him.

-- End of Flashback --

I put a flower on the grave--a grave with no body in it.

DAVIS: It doesn't make sense. He couldn't have just disappeared.
JACKSON: Why not? Other people have.
CARTER: Poor Eli.
BILLY: Carter, you've said that a million times.
CARTER: Because it never stops being true.

I put my arm around Carter's waist, and we walked away together.

The Man with the Gun

Hi, my name is Billy.

JEREMY:  Davis, we need to get out of here.

The show is about to start.

Ritchie, Eli, and myself were driving around downtown looking for Davis when my phone rang.  Hank, Ben, and Jackson were at Slice where the big screen behind the bar was now playing the newest episode of "Bart Goes Wilde."

DAVIS:  I just spritzed my entire body with two hundred dollar cologne.  I'm not going anywhere.

Bart must have set up a live camera Davis' place, because everybody at the bar was watching.

BEN:  None of them should be there.  Bart could show up any minute.

JACKSON:  Maybe we should go--

RITCHIE:  That doesn't make any sense.  They just have to get Davis moving.

I had a bad feeling it might already be too late.

NATHAN:  Are you aware that the show is Bart?

CARTER:  And that Bart is Wilde?

DAVIS:  Oh come on, it's Bart.  He's not that kinky.

JEREMY:  You mean you knew he was coming?

Knock, Knock.

Everybody at the bar gasped.

DAVIS:  That's probably him.

JEREMY:  Davis, he's crazy.  He's the one who shot Ben at the pageant.

DAVIS:  I know.

ALL:  You know?

DAVIS:  I saw him.  I mean, I thought I saw Cal, but when Bart called me today--it was him.  He cut his hair like Cal.  He was wearing--

NATHAN:  We get it.  Spitting image.

JEREMY:  Why didn't you say--

DAVIS:  I thought I was going crazy, but now I know I wasn't.  Bart called today wanting a 'date.' 

CARTER:  He wants to kill you.

DAVIS:  Something tells me I think I can take him.

NATHAN:  This is a guy who has SHOT people, Davis.

DAVIS:  I have a plan.

JEREMY:  Oh God.

The crowd in the bar was getting bigger.  Half the people probably thought it was a reality show--but then again, everybody knows Davis.

He walked across his apartment and opened the door.  There was Bart--

BART:  Hello boys.

--Holding a gun.

ELI:  Somebody call the police.

HANK:  I'm on it.

ME:  Great.  Now this can turn into a hostage situation.

RITCHIE:  Let's hope Davis really does have a plan.

BEN:  And that plan involved Bart bringing firearms.

Bart shut the door, and the four guys backed up a few steps.

BART:  Did you really think I was okay with losing Joey?

JEREMY:  That's what this is all about?  Joey?

BART:  Maybe it wasn't when I thought I could get him back, but there's no chance of that now.

CARTER:  That's not our fault, Bart.  This guy Skyler--

BART:  Shut up!  I don't want to hear your excuses.

NATHAN:  You've been Wilde this whole time?

BART:  Of course not!

DAVIS:  There never has been just one Wilde.  It's always been something that's been passed around.  Bart just made that less of a secret.

BART:  Aren't you smart, Davis?

DAVIS:  After all, why would you report on your own boyfriend screwing around on you?

CARTER:  Because he's crazy?

JEREMY:  Carter, let's not call the man with the gun crazy.

Hank got off the phone with the police.

HANK:  They're on their way.

ELI:  Maybe if we called Jeremy and told him to tell Bart--

BEN:  He'd shoot them all and make a run for it?

ELI:  Good point.

Bart was pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

BART:  There's only one thing to do.

He pointed his gun at Davis.

BART:  You ruined my life, Davis.  Mine and so many others.

JEREMY:  So this is what you're going to do?  Kill Davis and let everybody watch?

BART:  What are you talking about?

NATHAN:  You put a camera in here.  They're playing all of this right now at Slice.

BART:  What?

DAVIS:  And at Prisms.  And--well, you get the point.

That was it.  That was Davis' plan.

DAVIS:  Hurt any one of us and they're going to play this tape at your trial.  They won't even need to use it for evidence.  It's pretty much a confession anyway.

Everybody cheered.

RITCHIE:  Now THAT's John Davis.

But Bart didn't drop the gun.

BART:  I guess in that case I've got nothing to lose.

He aimed the gun at Davis just as there was a knock at the door.

HANK:  The police.

Jeremy ran at Bart and knocked him down, throwing the gun onto the floor.

JEREMY:  Nathan, grab it!

Nathan ran for the gun, but Bart tossed Jeremy off him and rammed right into Nathan.  The gun went flying to the left.  Carter ran for it, but Bart was up and right behind him.

The door flew open as Davis was running towards Bart, knocking him out of the way.  The police came in with guns poised as Carter held up the gun.

That was when the police fired.

RITCHIE:  CARTER!

...And then there was silence.

A Live Show

Hi, my name is Nathan.

JEREMY: He's not answering his phone.
CARTER: Maybe he already--
JEREMY: Shut up, Carter!

The three of us were racing to try and get to Davis before Wilde did. We left Cal with the police back at the hotel, and then separated to try and get to Davis at any of the places he could be.

The trouble was that it was around midnight on a Saturday, and that meant Davis could be anywhere.

JEREMY: We're almost there.

Carter, Jeremy, and I were heading towards his apartment. Ben, Jackson, and Hank were going to try Slice. Ritchie, Eli, and Billy were going to drive around the downtown area and see if they could find his car.

It all felt hopeless, but we had to try.

JEREMY: I can't believe we didn't see it.
ME: Who could have known?
CARTER: Now it all makes sense.

Wilde. We know who Wilde is...

-- EARLIER --

HANK: I couldn't say anything.
JEREMY: Of course you could have! Now look what's happened!
BEN: Nothing's happened yet.
CAL: But it will.
BILLY: That's why he wanted to come tonight. He wanted us to see him one last time before he did something horrible.
ELI: That weird look in his eye.
RITCHIE: I still can't believe it. Bart is Wilde?

----------

Bart is Wilde.

Jeremy's phone rang.

JEREMY: Hello?
CARTER: Is it--?
ME: Carter! Be quiet.
JEREMY: Thank God. Where are you? Okay. We'll be right there.

He hung up.

ME: Was it Davis?
JEREMY: He's at my apartment. He and Paige decided to watch a movie.
ME: That's great. Bart doesn't even know where you live now.
JEREMY: I know, we lucked out.

Then my phone rang.

ME: Hello?
HANK: It's me.
ME: How can we help you, Benedict?
HANK: Not the time.
ME: Why?
HANK: We're at Slice.
ME: And?
HANK: I think you guys should get down here.
ME: Do you even care that Davis is all right?
HANK: I know he's all right.
ME: How?
HANK: Because I'm watching him right now.
ME: What are you talking about?
HANK: He's on the big screen at Slice. They're running a livefeed off of Wilde's Blog. Bart's narrating the whole thing.
ME: Narrating what? He's just watching a movie with Paige.
HANK: Oh? Is that what he told you?
JEREMY: Uh...

I looked over at Jeremy, who was looking at his phone.

ME: What?
JEREMY: I just got a text from Paige. She said she'll be out with friends for the night.
ME: So then--
HANK: He lied, because he didn't want to say what he's really doing.
ME: Which is what?
HANK: From the looks of it--waiting for some hot date to come over.
ME: Oh no.
HANK: Guess who I think that hot date might be?

I pushed down on the gas and the car revved forward.

CARTER: Nathan! What are you doing!
ME: We're still heading to Davis'!
CARTER: Why?
ME: Because that's where he is! And Bart's about to join him--on camera.
JEREMY: RUFKM?
ME: Nope.

We were about to make our final appearance on the Wilde Blog.

Cal's Story

Hi, my name is Carter.

BILLY: He's waking up.

We're about to find out the truth.

Cal showed up at the Banquet--bloody and raving--then passed out. We took him up to the room we were going to crash in at the end of the night.

NATHAN: This is so strange. Why did he pick tonight to show up?
HANK: He's a drama queen. He probably couldn't resist.
JEREMY: How did he get so bloody?
ELI: Is that even his blood?
BEN: We have to get the truth out of him before the police show up.
RITCHIE: Murray called them. They'll be here any minute. The only reason they didn't rush is because I convinced him it wasn't an emergency.
JACKSON: I don't think he was too eager for them to show up anyway. Cal's the reason he went to jail.

It was nice to have someone else be in so much trouble. Usually I'm the one passed out with a lot of explaining to do.

CAL: Ugh...
JEREMY: Cal, can you hear me?
CAL: I...I...
BILLY: Somebody get him some water.
CAL: Don't...bother.
HANK: Huh?
CAL: This won't take long...

-- CAL'S STORY --

Hi, my name is Cal.

VOICE: I'm Skyler.

I had just fallen out of a window.

ME: Nice to meet you, Skyler.

So of course, I needed a drink.

I went to Prisms, and that's where I ran into Skyler.

SKYLER: Can I bring you a drink?
ME: You can buy me five.

We started talking, and before I knew it, I had unleashed my tale of woe.

SKYLER: Sounds like that guy Billy is a real asshole.
ME: They're all assholes. All the CBQ's. A bunch of dickheads.
SKYLER: So stop talking to them.
ME: Easier said than done. They're everywhere. Davis especially. He practically runs Providence.
SKYLER: Wait--John Davis?
ME: Who else?
SKYLER: You and I might have something in common.

We went home together that night. The funny thing is--I don't remember wanting to.

I woke up the next day in my bed with a note that said--

"Had a great time last night. Wish you were there."

Creepy, right?

"PS. I'll take care of those CBQ's for you."

I had planned on laying low for awhile anyway, but not as long as I did. I wanted that slot directing on the Mainstage, and God knows I earned it.

Blackmail isn't as easy as it looks.

I couldn't resist keeping in touch with Billy.

CAL: You're going to pay for what you did.
ME: Cal, where are you?
CAL: You broke my heart.
ME: I wish I had broken your back.
CAL: I just bet you do.
ME: Stop hiding. What are you trying to accomplish?
CAL: Oh, don't worry. You'll see.

All I meant was that he'd be sorry when I was directing a show. I would have made him the star, but he blew it.

Then the bad stuff started happening.

I couldn't deal with it. I started getting drunk. I blamed everything on Billy and the CBQ's. When I found things were happening between him and Davis, I went ballistic.

I knew Skyler was responsible for Joey dying, and I rationalized that if Davis hadn't been such a jerk to Skyler, it wouldn't have happened.

But deep down, I knew it was my fault.

Still, I got off on scaring Billy. It was the only thing I had control over.

CAL: You could have stopped it.
ME: How?
CAL: You don't know what you set in motion.
ME: Tell me what's going on!
CAL: It's bigger than you. It's so much bigger than you can even imagine.
ME: If anybody else gets hurt--
CAL: Hurt? Are you kidding? Joey's dead. And he won't be the last one.
ME: You're responsible for this.
CAL: No, Billy. Trust me. You're responsible. Whether you understand why, or not.

Then I got the e-mail.

WILDE: You don't have to hide anymore. I can help. Meet me downtown at Kennedy Plaza at midnight. We can be each other's new best friends.

I went, and I met him.

I met Wilde.

----------

JEREMY: So who is he?

There was a knock on the door. It was the police.

CAL: Haven't you figured it out by now?
BEN: Guys, he has to go. The police are here.
CAL: I got into a fight with him before I cam here.
NATHAN: What did you fight over?
CAL: I knew his next target, and I couldn't let anybody else get hurt.
JACKSON: Who's the next target?
HANK: Oh my God.

We all turned and looked at Hank.

HANK: I didn't know. I didn't know that's why he--
CAL: Are you kidding? You knew the whole time.
ME: What's going on?
CAL: He told me, Hank. He told me that you knew who he was.
HANK: He said he wasn't the one who shot Ben. He said he wasn't there when Joey died.
CAL: He wasn't. I was. I knew Skyler was going after Joey, and I tried to stop it, but I got there too late. But the vendetta? That's all Wilde.

Knock, Knock.

JEREMY: Cal, who is he going after?
CAL: Haven't you guessed? Who's not here?

I looked around.

ME: Oh no.

Davis.

The Banquet

Hi, my name is Jackson.

HANK:  Couldn't find a date, I see?

Welcome to the Banquet.

ME:  Actually, I'm going stag.

HANK:  More like going--

NATHAN:  Hank!  We agreed we were all going to get along tonight, remember?

BEN:  It's going to be the last time we're all together for awhile.

RITCHIE:  I don't want to think about it.  It'll make me cry.

JEREMY:  Real tears?

RITCHIE:  Tears aren't sadness, Jeremy.  Empty glasses are sadness.

We all took our seats at the table.  The Banquet was being held in the ritziest hotel in Providence.  I was hoping I could be drunk before the entrees.

BILLY:  Hey guys, sorry I'm late.  Someone had to pick up their date.

HANK:  Couldn't find the right corner, Carter?

CARTER:  Not me.

BILLY:  Actually, not him is right.  I meant my date.

That was when everyone gasped.

ELI:  Bart?

BART:  Miss me?

JEREMY:  Bart is your date?

BILLY:  He just got back into town, and we ran into each other.

BART:  We grabbed coffee, and it was like old times.

HANK:  But you two barely knew each other.

BEN:  So you could show up for the Banquet but not for your ex-boyfriend's funeral?

BART:  Let's not drag the past into this.  If we start putting skeletons on the table, there won't be any room for the food.

BILLY:  Bart, why don't we get something to drink?

BART:  Great idea.

They walked over to the bar.  All eyes went to Jeremy.

JEREMY:  Don't look at me.

NATHAN:  You're just going to let him--

JEREMY:  Billy's a big boy.  He can do whatever he wants.  Besides, Bart's a nice guy.

HANK:  He was a nice guy until he went crazy.

RITCHIE:  Yes, well, having Davis steal your boyfriend from you will do that to a person.

ELI:  He had a weird look in his eye.

BEN:  Carter, how was he on the ride over?

CARTER:  He was okay.  He seems a lot more confident.

JEREMY:  Either way, he's back, and he used to be our friend.

HANK:  I never liked him.

JEREMY:  You never like anybody.

HANK:  True, but with him, it was special.

Soon the meal got under way, and then everybody began to dance.  I took the opportunity to snag a slow dance with Ritchie.

ME:  So do you think Billy and Bart look serious?

RITCHIE:  Billy never gets serious with anyone.

ME:  I'm still concerned.

RITCHIE:  Why?  Do you love him now too?

ME:  No, but my brother still does.

RITCHIE:  What makes you say that?

ME:  A twin knows, trust me.

RITCHIE:  So?

ME:  I want to help him.  I want to snag his dream boy for him.

RITCHIE:  Jackson, this is not something you want to get involved in, trust me.

ME:  It's not like it would be that hard.  They'd be great together.

RITCHIE:  I'm telling you--Leave it alone.

Just then, there was a crash.  We all turned and looked at the door.

RITCHIE:  Oh my God.

Bart wasn't the only one who decided to show up tonight.

CAL:  Let me guess?  My invitation got lost in the mail?

Cal had made his entrance--with blood all over him--and promptly collapsed.

ME:  I'll get the car running.  You get the Queens.

RITCHIE:  You got it.

Now we were going to get some answers.

A Summer Place

Hi, my name is Ben.

NATHAN: It's an amazing opportunity.

It's time to decide on my summer.

ELI: I say work. You need to make money.
NATHAN: This would be money.
HANK: Oh yeah, a stipend. You can finally buy that CD rack you've always wanted.
CARTER: I think you should do it. I'd love to spend all summer doing shows.

Everyone was gathered in the Fish Bowl weighing the pro's and con's of my two options: Go to Illinois to work at this theater as an intern or stay in Rhode Island working at the GAP and make major money.

BILLY: Your resume could definitely use some beefing up.
ELI: But there's no guarantee you'll get actual roles. They could have you painting sets and playing chorus boys all summer.
NATHAN: Which is such a vast improvement over retail.
HANK: Besides, you just got back from California, and you didn't like it. What makes you think you'll like Illinois?
CARTER: Because it's a different place! It's exciting!
ELI: It's dreary.

I looked down the hall and saw Jeremy and Jackson. They were probably headed to one of their exams. It hurt to know I'd probably screwed up things with Jeremy for good.

ME: I'm going.
NATHAN: You are?
ME: I am.
NATHAN: Yes!

I had to get out of here--at least for the summer.

HANK: I'm surprised you're happy, Nathan. Aren't you two going to miss each other?
ME: Hank--
NATHAN: Not at all. I'll be working there too.

Oh damn.

Going for Broke

Hi, my name is Davis.

ME: Take a knife--

I'm broke.

ME: --And plunge it into my heart.

There is no life left in me.

Once it hit me that Skyler had absconded with all my hard-earned money, I saw no more reason to live. That's how I wound up in bed with Ritchie.

RITCHIE: Davis, you're in your twenties. You're supposed to be broke.
ME: I'm in my LATE twenties. There's a difference.
RITCHIE: How much do you need to live off of each week?

I told him.

RITCHIE: I'm sorry, but are you independently funding a small village?
ME: Nice place. Nice restaurants. Nice clothes. All that costs money.
RITCHIE: Well guess what, Glam? You've gone SPAM.
ME: This can't be happening.
RITCHIE: Do you work?
ME: Yes, but...not a lot.
RITCHIE: Are you able to work more?
ME: Not...really.
RITCHIE: What is it you do for work?
ME: I'd rather not discuss it.

I take the Barney Rubble approach when people ask me about my job. It's not nearly as high-profile as I would like it to be, but it does keep me looking good--assuming I'm able to dip into my savings whenever I need to show off a little.

RITCHIE: So your show-off money is gone? That's not so bad.
ME: MY ENTIRE LIFE IS SHOWING OFF!
RITCHIE: Then you better start looking for alternative means of financing, sweetheart.
ME: Like what?
RITCHIE: Aside from work? I'm not sure. Use that scheming little brain of yours.

He got out of bed to go shower. That was when I noticed the little black book on his nightstand. I got up out of bed quietly and picked it up.

Inside were the names of men--lots of men, and little facts about them.

-- Good kisser; Med Student
-- Nice Body; Attorney
-- Hideous But Rich; Architect

Hideous But Rich, huh?

Sounds like my kind of guy.

A Poor Choice of Words

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

ME:  Do you ever plan on getting dressed?

BEN:  Why?  Getting sick of looking at me?

If you had told me a year ago that I would looking at Ben lying naked in my bed, I would have asked you who he slept with before I gunned him down thereby fulfilling my darkest fantasies.

Granted, this scenario is a little more pleasant.

BEN:  Why don't you come back to bed?

ME:  Because it's four o'clock in the afternoon.

BEN:  It's a Sunday.  You're supposed to stay in bed on Sundays.

ME:  Yes, but one of us is getting dinner with Davis, and he can smell sex for miles.

BEN:  That's because he's always within miles of a steam room or a brothel.

Ben tried playfully pulling me back into bed, but I resisted--not aggressively so, but enough to kick my self-control into gear.

ME:  We can pick up where we left off later on tonight.

I don't know what made me decide to go back to being with Ben after he committed the worst sin imaginable--sleeping with Davis.

It might have been the whole saving my life thing.  He threw himself in front of me to break my fall, thereby risking his own life.

I mean, I don't weigh that much, but still, that's impressive, right?

BEN:  Why don't we go away this summer?  I don't want to spend it in Providence.  It's a ghost town once Pride is over.

ME:  I was thinking of doing a little business venture this summer.

BEN:  Jeremy, you're a little old for a lemonade stand.

ME:  Actually, I was thinking of producing a show.

That made him sit up in bed.

BEN:  What show?

ME:  Angels in America.

BEN:  You're not serious.

ME:  Murray already feels guilty for not putting me in the musical.  I bet he'd let me use the student theater.  Nobody else does in the summer.  Then all I'd have to do is put up the money for the rights and put up some flats.

BEN:  And I could be Louis!

ME:  Yeah, and I could be Joe.

His smile disappeared.

BEN:  You want to be Joe?

ME:  Yeah.

BEN:  Oh.

ME:  You didn't want to be Joe, did you?  You just said you wanted to be--

BEN:  Louis.  Yeah.  Absolutely.  It's just that...

ME:  What?

He laughed a little.

BEN:  Jeremy, Joe is supposed to be hot.

ME:  Uh...yeah...and?

BEN:  And you're...I mean...

ME:  Are you saying I'm not--attractive?

BEN:  Attractive, yes.  Hot?  No.

ME:  Are you really saying this after we just--

BEN:  Why don't you play Prior?  He doesn't have to be hot.

ME:  That's because HE'S DYING OF AIDS, YOU ASSHOLE!

I kicked him out of my bedroom, and I didn't wait for him to get his clothes.

Thus--

PAIGE:  You might want to try that entrance again, Ben.  From where I'm standing, you're barely a grower.

Jackson and Paige were watching tv in the living room.  Ben tried to hide behind the kitchen counter.

BEN:  Jeremy, let's just talk about this.

ME:  There's nothing to talk about!  You told me I was too ugly to be a Mormon!

JACKSON:  In his defense, Jeremy, have you seen the son on Big Love?  I'd go to jail for that.

PAIGE:  I'd take second wife for that.  I'd Chloe Sevigny myself.

I threw Ben's pants at him and pushed him out the door.

BEN:  Look, we just got back together.  Don't screw it up by getting all upset over something stupid I said.

ME:  It's not that, Ben.  It's not the words.  It's the fact that you believe them.  You might be with me because I'm comfortable or I'm funny or a million other reasons, but you're not with me because you can't keep your hands off me.

BEN:  Uh, did the four hours of sex not counter that theory?

ME:  I'm not going to be your Nathan, Ben.  That's all there is to it.

BEN:  Jeremy--

ME:  Good-bye.

I shut the door.

JACKSON:  Next time wait longer to give him his pants.  I can't get the sketch artist over here for another half an hour.

PAIGE:  That's what camera phones are for, darling.

Jackson smiled at me.

JACKSON:  She's learning.

Aren't we all...

The Roofier

Hi, my name is Eli.

ME:  I know you're here, Skyler.

It was time to put a stop to the Roofier.

SKYLER'S VOICE:  How did you know where to find me?

ME:  Where else would you go?

The theater.  Where I had made a fool out of Joey in Skyler's show.

ME:  Why did you do it?

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Ask Davis.

I went in by myself.  The boys had agreed to stay outside in case Skyler tried to hurt Jeremy.

DAVIS:  Ask me what?

There goes the agreement.

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Don't remember me, do you?

DAVIS:  Should I?

I couldn't tell where Skyler's voice was coming from in the theater.  The entire place was dark.  I was standing in the audience and Davis just walked in right through the double doors.  Carter helped get us in the building--he's had to let himself into all the apartments he's been evicted from in the past.

ME:  Davis, you're right in the light.

DAVIS:  He won't shoot me.  That's not his style.

ME:  Davis--

DAVIS:  What's he going to do?  Pour a drugged drink on my head and hope I swallow some?

That was when the lights came on.

ME:  Oh fuck me.

Jeremy was sitting in a chair, blindfolded and tied up, on a scaffolding two stories up on the stage.  He was right on the edge, and the platform looked shaky.

Davis went running towards the stage, but Skyler called out--

SKYLER'S VOICE:  I wouldn't do that.

There was a noise, and then one of the platforms fell.

ME:  He has them rigged.

DAVIS:  What is this about?

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Let's take a walk down memory lane.

-- FLASHBACK --

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Prisms circa 2006.  I believe you, Jeremy, Ritchie, and Hank were all hanging out enjoying yourselves, when a young guy--new to Providence--approached you at the bar.

YOUNG SKYLER:  Hi, I'm--

DAVIS:  Not interested.

YOUNG SKYLER:  Um, I just wanted to say hi.

RITCHIE:  You said it.  Now you can leave.

JEREMY:  Guys, knock it off.  What's your name?

SKYLER:  I'm--

DAVIS:  Jeremy, if you want charity, go make an AIDS quilt.  I'm going downstairs to find my take-home for the night.

RITCHIE:  I'll come with.

HANK:  Sorry, kid.  Not your night.

--  End of Flashback --

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Jeremy was the only one who stayed and talked to me, but when I tried texting him the next day, he never responded.

Who knew getting rejected at Prisms could turn someone into a psycho?

DAVIS:  That's it?  All this because I didn't want to let you blow me?

SKYLER'S VOICE:  No, Davis.  All this because I don't particularly like gay people.

ME:  But aren't you--

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Yes, Eli.  It's the type of thing that can drive a boy insane.

See what I mean?

DAVIS:  Look, we just want Jeremy.  Then you can run and nobody will go looking for you.

SKYLER'S VOICE:  Sorry, Davis.  I want to make one more lasting impact before I go.

That's when I heard the platform release.  Jeremy came hurtling forward off the chair.

DAVIS:  JEREMY!

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of movement.  Before Jeremy could hit the ground, Ben was underneath him.  It wasn't exactly a catch, but Ben did break his fall.

ME:  That was way too close.

DAVIS:  I'm going to find that little prick and bust his head in.

VOICE:  Don't bother.

Ritchie appeared from offstage.

RITCHIE:  He was in the control booth, but there's a door leading into the upstairs hallway.  He's probably long gone by now.

All the CBQ's were in the building now.  They had swarmed around Jeremy.

JACKSON:  Are you okay?

JEREMY:  Yeah, thanks to Ben.

BILLY:  We should call the police.

HANK:  I already did.  They're on their way.

CARTER:  At least this is all over.

NATHAN:  Hardly.  He got away.

Nobody wanted to think about that.  So instead, we helped Jeremy up and made our way out of the theater.

JEREMY:  Wait, before I forget--

He kissed Ben.  I can't say it was the MOST shocking event of the night, but--

JEREMY:  Thanks for saving my life.

BEN:  Anytime.

JEREMY:  Okay, now we can go.

I guess that's a 'To Be Continued...'

Slice

Hi, my name is Hank.

BILLY: So Eli is the one who's been drugging everyone?
RITCHIE: Who else could it be?
BILLY: But he couldn't have drugged me. I was with Jackson.
ME: Maybe he was lurking around.
RITCHIE: All I know is that the girl at IHOP said she saw him drug Eli. That means he's responsible for Joey's death. That's all I need to know.

We pulled up near Slice and raced inside.

Eli and Nathan were sitting at the bar. Nathan was just about to take a drink when--

RITCHIE: No!

Ritchie swiped the drink out of his hand.

NATHAN: Ritchie, what--

But before he could say anything, Ritchie tackled Eli to the floor.

ELI: What are you doing?
ME: He poisoned Joey!
ELI: WHAT?
BILLY: And he sold me out to the statutory rape police.
ELI: Okay, that I did.
NATHAN: Poisoned Joey? That's insane.
BILLY: A girl at the IHOP saw it.
NATHAN: Sounds like a solid witness.
ELI: What girl at the IHOP?
RITCHIE: Skyler's friend.
VOICE: What about Skyler?

We turned and looked at Davis. He was walking into the club.

BILLY: His friend saw Eli poison Joey.
DAVIS: But that doesn't make any sense.
ELI: Thank you!
NATHAN: Why are you taking Skyler's friend at face value?
RITCHIE: Why would she lie?
DAVIS: Where is Skyler? He was supposed to meet me here with Jeremy.
VOICE: What did we miss?

Ben, Jackson, and Carter--now the gang was all here.

ME: Eli is the Roofier.
CARTER: Damn! I bet it was Nathan.
NATHAN: Hey!
BILLY: What are you all doing here?
DAVIS: We were supposed to celebrate me and Skyler buying Slice.
BEN: Where's Jeremy?
JACKSON: He said he was meeting us here with Skyler.
ELI: Can someone get Ritchie off me?
BEN: I bet he's not the first one to ask that.
DAVIS: Hang on, my phone's ringing.

He answered, and his face went white.

JACKSON: Davis, what's wrong?
DAVIS: Uh...

He put the call on speaker.

SKYLER'S VOICE: Hello CBQ's.
ME: Skyler?
SKYLER: I thought you all should hear this.
BILLY: What's going on?
SKYLER: I see my friend got to you at the IHOP. She's so loyal. Loyalty is important amongst friends. Loyalty and trust. None of which you boys have.
NATHAN: Oh my God.
SKYLER: I can't talk long. I'm heading out of town. Jeremy's sitting right here next to me.
JACKSON: No.
SKYLER: Oh yes. Except this time, his kidnapping isn't a drill. It's the real deal.
DAVIS: What do you want?
SKYLER: Oh, I got what I wanted. I just thought I'd let you boys know you don't have to bother forming a rescue party. Jeremy's going away for good this time.
CARTER: Why did you do all this?
SKYLER: You really don't know, do you?

We all looked at each other. What could possibly have made him cause so much pain and suffering?

ME: Skyler, if you let Jeremy go--
SKYLER: Nothing that comes after that will be true, and we all know it. Sorry about the business venture, Davis. Maybe next time you'll know better than to open a joint account with someone you barely know.
DAVIS: Oh shit.
SKYLER: Time to say good-bye.

There was a muffled sound, and then we heard a whisper.

JEREMY'S VOICE: Guys, he's going to--

And the line went dead.

DAVIS: Skyler is the Roofier.

Silence.

ELI: I told you it wasn't me.