A Blushing Groom

Hi, my name is Billy.

RITCHIE: Are you ready to go?

I'm about to get married.

ME: I wish Carter could be here.
RITCHIE: I'm sure he's here in spirit.
HANK: And it's a Saturday. So his spirit is probably pre-gaming.

Kurt and I had taken advantage of the nice weather to have an outdoor commitment ceremony. Ritchie had agreed to walk me down the aisle.

Jeremy opted not to come--not a big surprise there.

ME: Guys, am I doing the right thing?
RITCHIE/HANK: Yes./No.
RITCHIE: Hank!

Hank grabbed me.

HANK: You still love Jeremy.
ME: I don't.
HANK: You do.
ME: I don't.
RITCHIE: He doesn't. Let it go, Hank.
HANK: Think about this.

Knock, knock.

Joey poked his head into the room.

JOEY: How's the blushing groom?
RITCHIE: He's ready to walk. Let's move.

Before I knew it, Ritchie was pushing me out the door, and down the aisle.

Kurt looked so handsome in his tuxedo.

The ceremony was going so well, until--

OFFICIAL: If anyone here objects to this man and this--
VOICE: RIGHT HERE!

Everyone turned around, and there was Davis.

Drunk and stumbling up the aisle.

KURT: You didn't invite him, did you?
ME: That would be a negative.

He was laughing and holding a half-empty bottle of vodka in his hand.

DAVIS: How come nobody told me that we were having a party?

Ritchie stood up and tried to say something to him, but Davis clocked him across the face. There was a gasp from the crowd.

DAVIS: This man--

He pointed at me.

DAVIS: Does not love this man.

He point at Kurt.

DAVIS: And letting them get married would be a disgrace to the sanctity of wedded union.

I took off my lapel, handed it to Kurt, and walked down the aisle to Davis.

ME: I'm going to kill you for this.
DAVIS: You're going to thank me later.

That was when he threw up on my tuxedo.

And then I heard the thunder...