ME: Where's my dressing room? Laughter, but seriously. I'm an artist. LIES! Hahaha--okay then.
I've decided to take on community theater.
After not being taken seriously at school, it seemed only reasonable to say fuck the poh-lice (the poh-lice being my professors slash directors slash jerk-offs) and make my star shine somewhere else.
NATHAN: I feel cheesy just standing here.
BEN: Ditto.
ME: Guys! Be positive.
BEN: Eli, never tell a gay man to be positive.
NATHAN: Is Guffman showing up anytime soon?
ME: If you're just going to be mean, why did you come?
NATHAN: Are you kidding?
BEN: For the comedic value.
The audition was being held in a hall that would normally be used for retirement parties and bar mitzvahs. But tonight, it was going to be rocking.
The auditions were for The Who's Tommy.
NATHAN: How are they going to do the molestation scene in a church basement?
VOICE: The show's not here.
We all turned around to see a guy our age standing near the stage.
RANDOM GUY: I've done a few shows with this company. They perform at a local high school.
BEN: It just keeps getting better.
The random guy was pretty interesting. Tattoos, piercings, good wardrobe--I might be in trouble here. Time to psych this guy out with some scare tactics.
ME: So you're auditioning? Because I hear the director's a total douche.
ROCKER GUY: No, I'm not auditioning.
Thank God.
ROCKER GUY: I'm directing.
Fuck me.
BEN: Way to go, Olivier. Why don't you insult his mother while you're at it?
The Director laughed. Maybe I hadn't killed my chance yet.
ROCKER BOY: I'm Skyler. Nice to meet you.
Nathan leaned over and whispered to me.
NATHAN: He's kind of cute.
ME: I wouldn't know.
NATHAN: I hope you sound more convincing at your audition.
Skyler clapped his hands.
SKYLER: Okay, everybody! We're starting in a minute.
Ben and Nathan both gave me a pat on the back.
ME: Are you guys leaving me here?
NATHAN: We've seen enough.
ME: What about being supportive friends?
BEN: Awww, you're funny.
NATHAN: Break yourself, fool.
They left and the audition commenced. I actually did pretty well. After staying till the end, Skyler called me over.
SKYLER: You know, normally I'd call after talking things over with the board, but I'd like to offer you the role right now.
ME: The role of Dancer #3?
SKYLER: Noooo. The role of Tommy.
ME: Wait, but, the show's called Tommy.
SKYLER: Yeah...You know that's good, right?
ME: YEAH!
Finally, someone who appreciates my talent.
SKYLER: Do you want to go get a drink or something to celebrate?
ME: You know, I would, but I have to call everyone I know and gloat.
SKYLER: It's cool. I'm just glad there's someone working on this show whose gay besides me.
And he walked away.
...I meant to correct him, but...
Why mess with success?
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