SKYLER: So when is everyone else getting here?
Now that Murray is out of prison--and the foolishness with Billy is squared away--it's time for the old Ritchie to make an appearance--
ME: Oh...let's not worry about that.
--By doing some match-making.
SKYLER: I thought it was strange that I got invited to this party.
ME: Why would it be strange?
SKYLER: Because we've never officially met.
ME: Magic of Facebook!
SKYLER: Why am I here?
Knock, Knock.
ME: That would be the reason.
I went to the door and let Jeremy in.
JEREMY: I'm SO excited for Goonies night.
ME: You actually thought we were having a Goonies night?
JEREMY: Sooo...the Sloth mask I brought...?
ME: Unnecessary.
JEREMY: No Chuffle Shuffle?
ME: I'm not sure what that is, but I don't like it.
JEREMY: So then--
ME: Just come in already.
Jeremy walked in and I moved him into the living room where Skyler was already seated.
SKYLER: Oh great. Someone I know.
JEREMY: Hey Skyler. I'm going to need one second with Ritchie.
SKYLER: I figured that.
We had our time out in the kitchen.
JEREMY: What is this?
ME: Now that you're over Billy, it's time for you to move on.
JEREMY: I'm moving on! And I don't need your help with Skyler. We're doing fine. We go on dates.
ME: Where you zone out and phone it in because you're really hoping to get back with Billy?
JEREMY: So what are you suggesting?
ME: I'm suggesting you two hang out here tonight. I'm going out and you can have a nice quiet atmosphere to talk in without Paige and Jackson ruining everything.
JEREMY: I appreciate that but--
ME: Stop! Daddy's back, and that means no objections. I'll see you in a few hours. If you decide to get naked, do it in the laundry room.
I left the two lovebirds in the living room, but when I got out in the hall, I ran into another problem.
ME: You've got to be kidding me.
BEN: Next time don't make your status "Ritchie is...Fixing Up Jeremy!"
ME: Goddammed Facebook.
BEN: Is he in there?
ME: Yes, he is, and no, you're not.
BEN: Ritchie, Jeremy's love life is none of your business.
ME: You know, when I left town, you and Jeremy hated each other.
BEN: Things change.
ME: Didn't you two agree to be friends at the hospital?
BEN: That doesn't mean I'm going to hand him over to someone else.
He moved towards the door to my apartment. I stood in his way.
BEN: Move, Ritchie.
ME: No chance.
BEN: Ritchie--
ME: You know, I hate to pull a Melrose here, but I'm going to anyway. You go through that door, and you'll regret it.
BEN: Because Jeremy will hate me for trying to interrupt his chance at happiness?
ME: That and--
The elevator door opened.
BEN: Who's that?
ME: My insurance.
TAYLOR: Hey Ben.
BEN: Holy--
Never mess with me, kids.
Never.
No comments:
Post a Comment