Handcuffs (Not the Fun Kind)

Hi, my name is Billy.

LIAM: Can't we do something fun tonight?
ME: Liam, I'm tired.
LIAM: You're always tired.
ME: That's because I actually do things. School, rehearsal--
LIAM: Blah, blah, blah.

I was trying to type out a paper. It was almost midnight, and I was exhausted. Liam, as usual, had spent the day at the mall, then back at my dorm room.

He had no intention of going back to high school, or trying to reconcile with his parents.

I should have just told him to leave, but he does this thing--

LIAM: I'm bored. Want to have sex?

Yeah, that thing.

Knock, Knock.

LIAM: I'll get it. It's probably one of the barbecues.
ME: CBQ's.
LIAM: Yeah, whatever.

He opened the door, and I heard someone say--

VOICE: We're looking for--

SHIT.

ME: Hi Officer, can I help you?
POPO: Are you Billy?
ME: Yes sir.
POPO: And this is Liam?
LIAM: In the flesh, Stabler.
ME: Liam, shut up.
LIAM: But he's kind of cute.
ME: SHUT UP!

The officer did not look amused.

POPO: Are you aware that this boy is sixteen years old?
ME: Uh...well...
POPO: His parents reported him missing.

I turned to Liam.

ME: You told me that you and your parents had a fight!
LIAM: They did. They threw me out. It's not like I was going to tell them where I was going.
POPO: They've been worried sick. We got a tip that you were staying here.

It was time to cut my losses.

ME: Take him.
LIAM: Billy!
ME: Tell them not to worry about paying for things he broke.
LIAM: The only thing I broke was your headboard.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

POPO: Sorry son, but you're going to have to come with me.
ME: Why?
POPO: This boy is underage.
ME: What if I didn't know that?
POPO: I think you did.
ME: What if I didn't though?
POPO: Then you'd want to tell your lawyer.
ME: Why would I need a--uh--oh boy.

The officer took out his handcuffs.

POPO: You're going to have to come with me.
ME: Wait, this is some kind of a mistake.
POPO: No mistake.
LIAM: Don't worry, Billy. I'll wait for you.
ME: SHUT UP, LIAM!

The officer cuffed me--never thought I'd say that in my lifetime--and led me out of the dorms with everyone watching. It was completely humiliating.

As he put me in the back of the police car, the only thing I could think about was who would have tipped off Liam's parents.

Then it hit me--

ME: Eli!

--And the sirens blared.