Who Can You Trust?

Hi, my name is Eli.

JEREMY: You smell like Burt Reynolds.
ME: It's my new cologne.
JEREMY: What's it called? Boogie Nights?

Jeremy was in a lameass mood. We met up at school to work on our scene for character study class.

ME: What's the prob?
JEREMY: Jackson.
ME: First house landing on him didn't take?
JEREMY: I miss him.
ME: You drove him to the train station!
JEREMY: I know, it's weird. I just got used to having him around. He may be a jerk, but he's still my brother.

I was going to offer some sage advice, but the closest thing I have to a twin brother is Zac Effron.

ME: We have to stop at Billy's dorm. I let him borrow the play.
JEREMY: Eli, every time I stop by Billy's dorm I end up finding him in some awful situation. Can't I just meet you in the theater building?
ME: It's a Monday night. What's the worst he could be doing on a Monday night?

I shouldn't have said that.

We knocked on his door, and heard a shuffling--

ME: That sounds like--
JEREMY: --Clothes being thrown on?

--Then Billy opened the door.

BILLY: Hey, what are you guys doing here?
ME: I need that play I let you borrow.
BILLY: Right now? You need it right now?
JEREMY: We're practicing our scene for class.
BILLY: Oh, uh, okay--hang on.

He shut the door.

ME: Wondering who he's in there with?
JEREMY: Nope, not at all. Don't even want to think about it.
ME: But--
JEREMY: Soul's crumbling, Eli, soul's crumbling.

He opened the door, and handed me the play.

BILLY: Here you go.
ME: Oh, one more thing, cough--

I pushed at the door with my hand just enough to swing it open and reveal--

JEREMY: You've got to be kidding me.

--Liam.

He was laying in bed with the covers pulled up to his chin, like a sixteen-year-old cheating husband.

I was shocked, but I think I handled myself quite nicely.

ME: WHAT THE F**K IS THIS?
BILLY: Eli, calm down.
ME: I asked you to let him crash here once, not move him in!
JEREMY: I told you this would happen.
BILLY: You couldn't have known. This just happened today.
JEREMY: I meant I knew something horrible would happen if I showed up here. My life has become one, long episode of Army Wives.

I walked over to the bed and confronted Liam.

ME: How could you do this?
LIAM: Billy and I just bonded on a very spiritual level.
ME: Really?
LIAM: Yeah, plus he's got, like, a wicked good body.
JEREMY: Spoken like a true seven-year-old.
LIAM: Hey! I'm turning seventeen in, like, two months!
JEREMY: Annnnnnd I'm leaving.

He took off. I stayed behind, not able to take my eyes off Billy, or as he would now be known, Benedict.

BILLY: Eli, I promise, we didn't plan on this. Liam got kicked out of his house. He's just been staying here trying to--
ME: I don't want to hear it! You're dead to me! Both of you!

I made my dramatic exit, realized I had dropped my play, walked back in quietly, picked it up, and left.

Part of me was relieved. Now Liam was someone else's problem.

Another part of me knew what Jeremy meant when he said his soul was crumbling.