Hank Gets a Visit

Hi, my name is Hank.

JOAN: Hello Hank.

This bitch scares the s**t out of me.

JOAN: May I come in?
ME: Sure. I haven't hung that crucifix yet, so you should be alright.

Joan is my boyfriend's Mom. Jackson warned me about being around her without him there to supervise, but he was going to be coming over in a--

JOAN: Jackson's not coming.

F**k me.

ME: Is something wrong?
JOAN: Yes, somebody slashed his tires.

That was when I noticed the knife sticking out of her purse.

ME: I'm sure it was a random thug who has since disappeared forever.

Joan smiled. Her smile in some way resembles a wolf devouring a deer.

JOAN: I'd like to have a private conversation with you, Hank.
ME: Joan, if this is about Jackson, I don't think I should be talking to you.
JOAN: Oh, but it's not about Jackson. It's about you.
ME: Me?
JOAN: Yes, Hank. I'd like you to stop seeing my son.

I was a little surprised. Joan didn't seem like the type of mother who cares about who her son dates. She seems to care more about who Christina's dating on Grey's Anatomy.

ME: If you think I'm bad for him--
JOAN: It's not personal, Hank. It's just that I think he and I have the relationship we have because we don't get to spend enough time together.
ME: I thought you had the relationship you had because of the restraining order?
JOAN: Common misconception.
ME: So what is it you want me to do?
JOAN: Hold off on this whole dating thing for awhile. He needs to focus on himself.
ME: And you?
JOAN: Hank, I'm his mother. He needs me.
ME: I think he just needs you to leave him alone.

I went to the door and opened it.

JOAN: Hank, I'm asking nicely, because you seem like a nice boy. And I'd like to continue being nice to you.

Every time she said 'nice,' I saw her hand form a claw.

ME: You don't have to be nice to me. After today I don't plan on being nice to you.
JOAN: So you're going to keep seeing Jackson?
ME: Yup. And I plan on telling him that you ordered me to back off.
JOAN: Oh, don't bother.

She walked past me.

JOAN: I'll tell him myself.

She walked away and I shut the door.

That was when I remembered the second thing Jackson told me--

Don't be alone with Joan, and don't become her enemy.