A Dream Come True

Hi, my name is Hank.

JOAN: Hello darling.

This is why you always need to carry holy water on you.

Joan, my boyfriend's mother/live-in-dark force, had decided to pop by my apartment.

ME: Hello Joan, can I help you?
JOAN: I brought you a little present.

She walked over to my television, and popped something into the DVD player.

JOAN: Recognize this?

'Silent Hearts' began--one of the best movies ever.

ME: Yes, Joan, but I'm really not in the mood for a movie night.
JOAN: I just wanted to make sure you're familiar with Mr. Shaw.
ME: Devon Shaw? Yes, I'm very familiar. He's a movie star, Joan.
JOAN: More like a television star who dabbles in movies.
ME: Okay, sure. Now, if you don't mind--
JOAN: How would you like to have sex with him?

Okay, the bitch officially bit through her leash.

ME: Joan, do I need to call someone? Someone with meds perhaps?
JOAN: It just so happens the Shaw's are dear family friends. Devon is in town shooting a movie. Maybe you've heard?

Actually, I did hear, but I wasn't buying any of this.

ME: Joan, you don't actually expect me to believe--
JOAN: Leave Jackson, and you can have Devon for a night.
ME: That's insane.
JOAN: Hank, it's every gay boy's dream. Devon is the most high-profile out guy in Hollywood.

Somebody's been reading the Advocate.

Knock, Knock.

Joan smiled and went to the door.

She opened it--and there he was.

DEVON: Hey Joan, this is where you wanted to meet, right?

I felt my heart turn into pudding.

Devon Shaw was standing in my apartment.

JOAN: You know, Devon, I can't tell if I feel like going out or not. Maybe you and Hank should just go out.

She came up to me, and kissed the side of my face playfully.

That was when she whispered--

JOAN: Call Jackson or I'm going to end this dream date.
ME: Excuse me for a minute.

I ran into my bedroom. I didn't want to do this to Jackson, but it's not like we had some great love going anyway, and--

JACKSON: Hi, it's Jackson. Leave a message.
ME: Jackson. We're over. Sorry.

Click.

JACKSON: Hi, it's Jackson. Leave a message.
ME: Me again. That was Hank. Breaking up with you. Sorry. Bye!

I came back into the living room.

DEVON: We ready to go?
JOAN: I don't know, Hank, are we?
ME: Actually Joan, I think you should go home. You might need to console your son. I heard he got some bad news.

Joan smiled.

I may have just made a deal with the devil, but it was one good-looking deal.