Dealing with the Disabled

Hi, my name is Nathan.

JEREMY: Good job today, Nathan.
ME: Do I get a gold star?
JEREMY: Sorry, but I had to give that to Jackson. He went an entire day without a glass of wine.
ME: Poor bastard.

Jeremy had been coming over for a few weeks now, and we'd actually gotten really close.

ME: So is your Mom moving out?
JEREMY: Um, we kind of put that on the back burner.
ME: Are you all getting along now?
JEREMY: Oh yeah--we're thick as murderers.
ME: You mean thieves?
JEREMY: Yeah, that's what I meant.

Knock, knock.

BEN: Is he tap dancing yet?
JEREMY: Yup. I just taught him a number from No, No Nanette.
BEN: Fantastic.

Jeremy laughed, and gave me a hug.

It was...strange.

JEREMY: I'm going to get going. Keep up the good work, and I'll see you tomorrow.
BEN: You don't have to go. We could all watch a movie or something.
ME: YEAH!

They both looked at me.

ME: Uh, I like movies.

This was NOT happening.

JEREMY: Sorry, but I promised Billy we'd go out tonight. Maybe tomorrow?
ME: Sure. Of course. Have a good night.

Jeremy left. I wheeled myself to the door to see him out.

Once the door was shut, I could feel Ben's sleazy grin aiming at me.

BEN: You like him, don't you?
ME: Don't be ridiculous.
BEN: You do! You like Jeremy!
ME: So what if I do? You like him.
BEN: I used to like him.

He walked into the kitchen.

ME: What do you mean you used to like him?
BEN: Now I like Billy.
ME: Again?
BEN: That's right. I even proposed that he become our sexual surrogate.
ME: Did he laugh and then slap you or slap you then laugh?
BEN: I actually think he might be into it.

There we were--fake boyfriends standing in our kitchen realizing that we liked two guys who were seeing each other.

ME: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
BEN: I seduce Billy, he leaves Jeremy, and both of us end this fraud of a relationship.
ME: Wow, for once I actually think we're on the same level.
BEN: And you'd stop keeping me prisoner?
ME: As long as I'm not single, you can do whatever you want. Besides, Jeremy is three times the guy you'll ever be.
BEN: Nathan, I've seen him naked. Trust me--he's not.

I held out my hand.

ME: Do we have a deal? You break up Jeremy and Billy, and I break up with you in public thereby releasing you to go be with Billy.

We shook on it.

BEN: Deal.

I wheeled myself into my bedroom feeling pretty good.

As I stepped out of my wheelchair, I heard Ben laughing in the kitchen.

Did I miss something?