Family Business

Hi, my name is Jackson.

ME: What do you mean it was an accident?

My stepfather is lying dead on my living room floor.

JOAN: He attacked me!
ME: You look fine!
JOAN: With words, Jackson. He attacked me with words!

Judging from the blunt paper weight in her hand, I'd say words failed her.

The door to the apartment opened, and my siblings took in the scene.

JEREMY: Please tell me this is a game of charades.
ME: Yeah, Mom got 'homicide.' She gave a really good clue.
PAIGE: We have to call the police.
JOAN: No! I'll go to jail!
ME: Oooh, can I call? Can I call?

Mom shot me a look, and then looked over at the paperweight. Maybe now wasn't the best time to joke.

JOAN: We have to get rid of the body.
JEREMY: Mom, are you insane?
ME: You have to ask?
JOAN: Christopher dealt with a lot of very corrupt people. Nobody will be shocked to find him dead. We just have to make it look--suspicious.
ME: Luckily, dead bodies tend to be inherently suspicious.
PAIGE: I should call the boys to help us--
JOAN: No! This is family business.

I wonder if it's too late to put myself up for adoption.

We drove about an hour out of Providence into a wooded area. Jeremy and I took the body from the trunk and rolled it into a ditch.

The whole thing made me sick.

JOAN: I'm famished. Anybody want Chinese?

Mom's always had a stronger stomach for this kind of stuff.