We're Here to Help

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

MAYOR BURKE: I'm just a little surprised. I didn't think Brad would be open to--
ME: He's very open.
HANK: Extremely open.

I'm about to dupe the Mayor.

Now that his policies are starting to coincide with Pride, everyone's worried that the festivities will be canceled. So, Hank and I--along with Eli, since Brad is his new "friend"--were enlisted to get some dirt on his honor, so that we could blackmail the shit out of him.

And guess what we came up with?

ME: We've had amazing success rates with other--uh--
HANK: Catty little queers.

Maybe I should have briefed Hank a little better.

MAYOR: My wife and I, obviously, are not overly thrilled with Brad's lifestyle choice, which is why he wasn't at the forefront of my campaign. However, the idea of aversion therapy--
ME: Oh no, we don't do anything like that.
HANK: We're much more progressive.
MAYOR: In what way?

And we're off...

ME: Mayor, don't you feel it's not just homosexuality that's become a problem? I mean, it's the whole way society operates.
MAYOR: Perhaps, but what does have to do with--
HANK: It's the broken window, Mayor.
ME: Your son went right through it. And you know who broke that window?
MAYOR: Who?
ME: The blacks.
HANK: The Hispanics.
ME: Asians.
HANK: Jews.
ME: Italians.
MAYOR: I'm sorry. Am I hearing you, right?

I might need a little one-on-one here.

ME: Hank, didn't you say you needed to use the men's room before we got here?
HANK: Yes actually, I--
MAYOR: Down the hall, third door on the right.
HANK: Thanks.

Hank took off, and I went for the throat.

ME: C'mon Mayor, you know we've got bigger problems in Providence than just the gay population. They're just step one.

The plan? Get the Mayor to say something negative about any ethnic group, race, or minority--and we're golden.

MAYOR: To be honest, uh, what did you say your name was?
ME: Ben.

Hey if you're going to play a hateful shrew--

MAYOR: To be honest, Ben, I don't equate a sexual...choice...to be the same as something a person has no say in--such as race, or--
ME: But Mayor--
MAYOR: I don't think I'd like my son entering into your program. I'll have a talk with Brad about why he seemed to be so interested in it. I certainly don't want my son spouting defamatory rhetoric wherever he goes.

Oh damn.

ME: Sir, we can help him.
MAYOR: I think I can do that on my own. Have a good day.

And he showed me to the door.

Hank and I met up again outside. I pulled out my tape recorder and spoke into it.

ME: Sorry Davis.

We were going to need a Plan B.

HANK: You know, I feel like I know that guy from somewhere.
ME: The bowels of Hell maybe?
HANK: No, someplace else.
ME: Hank, if he cancels Pride--
HANK: Providence is going to become a warzone.

It might be time to start rallying the troops.