Humpty Dumpty

Hi, my name is Hank.

MAYOR BURKE: Oh, it's the racist guy with the deep voice.

I finally remembered where I've seen the Mayor.

That's why I showed up at his office. I told his secretary I was back for a return appointment, and because she thought I was cute the first time I showed up here, she let me right in.

The Mayor looked more than a little surprised to see me.

ME: Hello Ricky.

Shakey, shake #1.

MAYOR BURKE: Ricky? Sorry. I don't know a Ricky.
ME: Do you like musicals, Mayor?
MAYOR BURKE: Not really my thing.
ME: Too bad. You could learn a thing or two from Les Miz.
MAYOR BURKE: I've read the book.
ME: In prison?

Shakey, shake #2.

MAYOR BURKE: I think you should leave.
ME: You know, robbing cars isn't the worst thing a person can do.
MAYOR BURKE: I said--
ME: Beating up a guy who tries to stop you from stealing his car and putting him in the hospital then taking off and changing your identity. That's the worst thing a person can do.
MAYOR BURKE: You're crazy.
ME: That photo on your desk looks just like the one they had on tv ten years ago.
MAYOR BURKE: You wouldn't remember that.
ME: You're right, I wouldn't--not unless I found that same picture again a few weeks ago in a stack of old magazines in make-up class and used it for one of my projects. You were my ethnic photo.

The Mayor sat down at his desk.

ME: I guess the Providence Sun just doesn't do the research it should on its mayoral candidates. You sure did clean yourself up.
MAYOR BURKE: How much do you want?
ME: I'm going to be really selfless and say that all I want is for you to back off.
MAYOR BURKE: Brad doesn't remember--
ME: I won't say anything to Brad. Not even when I see him at Pride next week.

I got up and smiled.

ME: You have yourself a good day now.

In my head, I could hear "Stars."