Three's Company

Hi, my name is Ben.

NATHAN: Just let me do all the talking.

I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for...

ME: You know, we have a few minutes until we get to the apartment, and there's nobody at that intersection.
NATHAN: Unfortunately I'm not a 16-year-old boy from Texas looking for a cheap thrill, Ben!
ME: Yeah, unfortunately.

...for way too long.

We get to Hank's new apartment a few minutes later. After a few knocks, Hank opens the door.

HANK: Is this when you hand me the pamphlets?
NATHAN: Hahaha...Hank, you're so adorable. We came to help you move.
ME: We got the facebook invite.
HANK: Did you get the part that said 'Come at four?' It's nine thirty.
NATHAN: You're right. It's so late. We should probably just crash here.
HANK: Huh?
ME: I mean, I'd have to drive back to New Bedford and Nathan would have to go to Foster--

--and we'd both have to drive back to separate beds, alone, sexless--or worse, have sex in the same house as our parents...

NATHAN: And you, me, and Ben are not nearly friendly enough.

...And Hank's the only one who has his own place that might actually fall for this.

HANK: That's because I hate Ben, and Ben hates me.
ME: Hatred is such a flexible emotion.

Nathan tries to push on.

NATHAN: We could keep you company. It must be a little weird being all on your own in your own apartment for the first time.

I can see this argument gets to Hank. He softens a little.

HANK: Okay, you can crash here for tonight.
NATHAN: Amazing!

We barreled into the apartment.

HANK: You can crash on the futon I guess.
NATHAN: Thank you, Hank, but Ben isn't allowed on futons after the whole cheating on me thing.
HANK: Well, there's--
NATHAN: I was kidding! Hahaha...The futon's great.
ME: It doesn't squeak much, does it?

Nathan elbows me in the side.

HANK: So what movie do you want to watch?

Got any porn?

ME: Family Guy DVD's are cool.

It looks like Nathan and I have a new best friend.