Coldplay is Overrated

Hi, my name is Carter.

HANK: Happy birthday, skank.

It's my birthday.

Everyone took me out to Prisms to celebrate, except for Eli because he's still dealing with his homosexuality, and Joey, who decided to stay home with his new boyfriend.

DAVIS: You know, I never took Joey for a lesbian. He moves in with them on the first date.
JEREMY: Davis, be nice. It's someone's birthday after all.
HANK: Carter, shouldn't you be naked on the box already? It's nearly midnight.
CAL: Shouldn't you be turning back into a bitchy pumpkin then, Hank?
HANK: Oooh, touche.

Nathan and Ben were outside fighting again. Apparently, Nathan is still getting texts from this guy Christopher that they met at A.C.T.F.

NATHAN: What am I supposed to do, Benjamin? I can't block his number.
BEN: But you don't have to text him back!
ME: Hey guys, do you want to come inside and--
NATHAN: Carter, the grown-ups are having a conversation. Go eat your underage birthday liquor and we'll be there in a few minutes.

Inside they were playing the remix to "Viva La Vida", which I hate. Coldplay is so overrated. They're a bunch of pasty-faced white guys who stoners and wannabe stoners like to listen to while they lay in their bathtubs and zone.

What could be more obnoxious than a bunch of white guys putting out an album called "Viva La Vida"?

JEREMY: Gee, I don't know. Just about everything Beyonce does?

I was ready to dance. I took off my shirt and headed down to the box. While I was down there, Jeremy and Cal hopped up and started dancing with me.

ME: This is great. Ten seconds until my birthday!
JEREMY: Carter, what's all your skin?
ME: Huh?
CAL: Is that a rash?
ME: Oh yeah. I've had that for a little while now. It itches like crazy, but I haven't had time to get it checked out.
CAL: Do you know what that looks like?
ME: Irritated skin?
CAL: Yeah, sort of...but it actually looks like scabies.
ME: Huh?
JEREMY: Carter, have you been fooling around with anyone recently that might have...you know...had something?
ME: When you say recently...
CAL: Oh God.
JEREMY: Looks like someone gave you an early birthday present.

And that was how I knew nineteen was not going to be a good age.