A Dish Served Cold

Hi, my name is Nathan.

HANK: I'm assuming you boys are spending the night again.
ME: I'm taking the futon. Ben can sleep somewhere else.
HANK: Where? It's a one-bedroom.
ME: He can sleep on the kitchen table for all I care.

Ben and I haven't been doing well. Partly because we're spending all our time camped out in Hank's living room, and partly because I fantasize about Christopher while I'm having sex with Ben.

So yeah, problematic.

Ben was at work, and I was watching a bootleg of Cry Baby the musical with Hank.

ME: How many tapes like these do you have?
HANK: Only a few. I rent mostly.
ME: Is there a netflix for Broadway bootlegs?
HANK: There's a black market underground. Very seedy.

My phone went off. It was Christopher again.

HANK: You're not going to answer it?
ME: I know what he has to say.
HANK: Which is what?
ME: That he misses me.
HANK: But you have a boyfriend.
ME: So does he. I'm going to make some popcorn. Do you want any?
HANK: No thanks.

I went into the kitchen and put the popcorn bag into the microwave. When I turned around, Hank was standing in front of me.

ME: Change your mind about the popcorn?

He grabbed me by the face, and kissed me. I pushed him away.

ME: What are you doing?
HANK: Ben stole a guy from me; now I'm going to do the same to him.
ME: What guy?
HANK: My voice teacher.
ME: Hank that was months ago.
HANK: You all have such short memories.
ME: And you don't?
HANK: No, I'm French. We carry grudges for years. We're worse than the Italians.
ME: Really?
HANK: Sure. Just watch Les Miz. Javert? Totally French.

He kissed me again. I pushed him away again.

ME: I'm not going to sleep with you!
HANK: Why not?
ME: Because of Ben.
HANK: It didn't stop you from sleeping with all those guys at A.C.T.F.
ME: There weren't...that many.
HANK: Come on, right now. Right here on the table. Right before Ben falls asleep on it tonight.
ME: Well...when you put it like that.

And it happened. I don't know what it is with me. It seems like the only sex I enjoy is forbidden sex.

Note to self: Rent The Thornbirds.

After it was...over, Hank went to take a shower. That's when I finally got to listen to my voicemail from Christopher.

I nearly dropped the phone.

HANK: Hey--

I didn't even hear Hank getting out of the shower.

HANK: --What's wrong?
ME: It was Christopher. Apparently his boyfriend has herpes.
HANK: But you...
ME: Yeah.
HANK: ...And I...
ME: Yup.
HANK: So...
ME: Uh huh.

That was when Ben walked through the door.

BEN: Hey I got out of work early.

He saw the looks on our faces.

BEN: Oh God, did you two have sex?