Hi, my name is Joey.
EMCEE: This is the moment we've all been waiting for...
I'm nervous as hell.
My boyfriend, Max, is up for Mr. RI-TRI, and he's made it to the final two.
His performances were awesome--He sang "Love Can Move Mountains" and "Have You Ever Been in Love"--he does a mean Celine.
JEREMY: This is way more nerve-wracking than I thought it would be.
HANK: The one on the right looks like a grown-up Jon Benet.
JEREMY: Hank!
ME: Sshhh!
The Jon Benet look alike was Mary Ann Ewing--a Dallas fan who was just as cutthroat as J.R. I told Max not to worry about her, but secretly I was thinking she might have tried to sway the judges with promises of gifts and/or sexual favors.
Max and I were moving in together next week, and I was afraid if he didn't win tonight, not only would it break his heart, but he'd be in no condition to help with the move.
The Emcee opened the envelope.
HANK: Just so you know, I voted for Susan Lucci.
JEREMY: Enough, Hank!
There was a pause, and then--
EMCEE: Your new Miss RI-TRI is...Daphne Woodward.
JOEY: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I screamed so loud everyone turned and looked at me, but I didn't care.
It was official. I was now dating a celebrity.
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