The Test Results

Hi, my name is Ben.

HANK: I have herpes.

He doesn't have herpes.

NATHAN: Would you stop saying that?
HANK: I'm practicing for when I find out.
NATHAN: There's a chance we don't have it.
ME: I'm going to kill you if I do. Then I'm going to kill you for cheating on me.
HANK: Now we're even.
ME: Because of that stupid voice teacher?
HANK: I LOVED HIM!
NATHAN: Easy there, King Kong. Let Fay Wray find out if she has the itchies first before you throw her off the Empire State Building.

After waiting forever, our test results were finally in.

And it turned out.

NATHAN: We're clear.
HANK: Good thing I can continue to not have sex. Yay.
NATHAN: Can you ever be happy about anything?
HANK: And lose my edge? No way.

So this was my life.

Herpes scares with Hank and Nathan.

No thank you.

ME: I need to do something with myself.
HANK: A haircut might be a good start. Or a late-in-life circumcision.
NATHAN: Ben, we're free and clear. Can't we just enjoy it?
ME: No, because...I think we need to break up.
NATHAN: What?
ME: I'm not happy.
NATHAN: Nobody's happy!
HANK: Especially not me.
ME: I think I belong with someone else. Someone better.
NATHAN: Than me?
ME: Yeah.
HANK: Like who?

Oh my God...it's so clear now.

ME: Billy. I need to be back with Billy.

Nathan looked like he was going to kill me. Hank just started laughing.

ME: What's so funny?
HANK: I'm just thinking of all the things Billy's going to say to you when you tell him you want him back. Hahaha...

Clearly, Hank underestimates me.