ACTF--When We Dance

Hi, my name is Billy.

JOEY: ACTF is over.
HANK: Thank the fucking gods of drama.
BEN: There was only one god of drama.
ELI: And his name is Eli.

Now is one of those times when I wish that I was a drinker.

CARTER: Guys, Jesus didn't do theater. They didn't have theater in ancient Rome.

A heavy drinker.

We were all at the "End of ACTF" dance. We got our own table, and it certainly wasn't a happy one. Nobody had progressed very far in the competition. Cal was talking about changing his major. Nathan seemed depressed about something and kept looking over at this kid Christopher two tables down. Jeremy wasn't even there.

The last part bothered me the most.

Where was--

ME: I'm going to go get a soda. Does anybody want anything?
CAL: How about a knife to fall on?
ME: I'll work on that.

I went up to the refreshments table and looked to see if there was anything left besides Diet Pepsi. That was when I felt the hand on my shoulder.

ME: Carter, do we have to talk about good touching and bad touching again?
JEREMY: Oh right--head, and shoulders, crotch and mouth.

I turned around and almost fell over. Jeremy looked--

ME: You look amazing.
JEREMY: Some of the RIC kids asked me to go shopping with them, and they convinced me to buy this little ensemble.
ME: Good for them, and for you. It's a big improvement.
JEREMY: Because I normally look like an Okie Freedom Fighter?
ME: No, it's just--

But he laughed.

And then I laughed.

Then we were quiet.

Until--

JEREMY: Do you want to dance?

And before I could--

ME: Yes.

So we went out onto the floor. Just as "Invisible Man" started to play.

JEREMY: How appropo.
ME: It's appropos.
JEREMY: Grammar police, much?
ME: Very much.

I could feel the eyes of everyone from the Ocean State table burning into us, but actually, I didn't care.

There was a moment--one of those weird movie moments--when everything seemed to slow down and I was just talking and dancing...

...with Jeremy.

JEREMY: So how was your first ACTF?
ME: Does mentioning that it will be my last ACTF give you any clue?
JEREMY: We've all been through a lot this year. I think maybe we were putting too much pressure on this to be some sort of getaway.
ME: It definitely wasn't that.
JEREMY: I don't believe in getaways. You have to face things eventually.
ME: I guess. But you're more honest with yourself than a lot of other people.
JEREMY: I doubt that.
ME: It's true. Everyone we know is hiding something. You're not hiding anything.
JEREMY: Or am I?

I laughed again.

I wish you'd look at me that way.

ME: You requested this song, didn't you?
JEREMY: How did you know?
ME: I should probably tell you what I'm hiding.
JEREMY: You're hiding something?
ME: I was awake the other night. When you said--
JEREMY: Ohhh...
ME: I don't mean to embarrass you.
JEREMY: Who said I was embarrassed?
ME: You're--
JEREMY: Billy, I'm not ashamed about how I feel towards you. You're a great guy. I don't see how anyone couldn't love you.

I felt my face flushing.

ME: I think you--
JEREMY: Can I ask for a favor?
ME: Sure.
JEREMY: Just for this moment, can it just be you and me? Just dancing? Can I just pretend that right now I'm the only guy here you want to be with? I know it's unhealthy, and lame, and whatever else, but...Can I just have this dance?

I looked at him.

ME: Yes.

And that's when I knew.

JEREMY: Thank you.

The music played.
The air softened.
The experience ended.

And all that was left was that dance--and a boy who loved me.

But because of so many things that I say I don't care about--
Things that exhaust me with their persistence--
I didn't admit that I was starting to love him too.

And then I had one more thing to hide.