We All Make Mistakes

Hi, my name is Billy.

ME: I hooked up with someone I shouldn't have.
HANK: Bitch, get in line.

I was in the fish bowl with Hank and Cal...the morning after it happened.

HANK: Who did you hook up with?

It was a few nights ago, and...

I was feeling sort of depressed.

CARTER: What's wrong?

Mmhmm...

CAL: Please tell me you didn't.
HANK: Let him finish. Then we can all throw up.

Jeremy and Davis had just declared their relationship status on facebook.

ME: Well, that's it. Now it's official.
CARTER: Did he change his status on myspace?
ME: I don't have the heart to look.
CARTER: Why don't you just tell Jeremy how you feel?
ME: Because there's no point now, and I don't need Davis coming after me.

I put up an away message--something song lyric about being depressed, morbid, you get the drill.

Then I looked at Carter...and well...Carter's nice to look at it.

I don't know what it was about me. Maybe he sensed the desperation, but the next thing I knew--

ME: He was all over me.
HANK: That's when you're supposed to taser him.
ME: I just...couldn't.

After it was all over, I felt really guilty. So of course, we did it again.

CAL: I'm so disturbed, and for me, that's big.
ME: You guys cannot tell Jeremy about this.
CAL: Why do you care if Jeremy knows?

I forgot that only Carter knew how I felt about Jeremy.

ME: I just don't need him getting all judgmental, you know?
HANK: Don't worry. We'll vault it.

That was when Jeremy walked in.

JEREMY: I think Davis and I might be over.

Oh, fuck me.

CAL: Already? I'll have to check and see who in the break-up pool had three seconds.
HANK: What are you talking about?
JEREMY: We had a long convo last night, and I mean...do I really want to risk such a good friendship for what could be a lousy relationship?
CAL: What makes you think it could be lousy?
JEREMY: It's Davis. I mean, he can't commit to one person, there's no way.
HANK: No gay man can.
ME: Yes, I can! I mean, we--we can.
CAL: Keep speaking for yourself.
JEREMY: I would like to find someone whose able to be a little more...monogamous-minded.
HANK: Trust me, it doesn't exist. Every gay man is a whore.
ME: That's not true!
CAL: It's true.

Like a nightmare come to life, Carter chose that moment to appear.

CARTER: Billy, I have to talk to you.
ME: Not now, Carter.
CAL: Oh, is it about--ohhhh...
ME: What? WAIT! I don't want to know if it relates to what I don't want to talk about.
JEREMY: Uh...what?
CARTER: I have scabies.
HANK: Oh boy.
JEREMY: You got checked.
CARTER: Yeah, and that means you have them, Billy.
JEREMY: Why would Billy have them if you--

A look came over Jeremy's face at that moment that I've never seen before. It was beyond disappointment. Then he laughed.

CARTER: Jeremy, it's not funny. They itch.

That just made him laugh harder.

JEREMY: Thank you, Carter. Thank you, Billy.
ME: For what?
JEREMY: For making me realize I need to be with Davis. No guy is perfect.

He looked right at me.

JEREMY: I get that now.

Then he got up and left.

I felt awful. I thought nothing could make me feel any worse, then--

ME: Wait a minute--I have scabies?