A Relationship Built on Trust

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME:  Why did I agree to do this?
JEREMY:  Because Ritchie is sneaky, so we need to be sneaky right back.  We need to counter-sneak him.  It's the right thing to do.

I've never had someone tell me I was doing the right thing while they strapped a wire to my back.

Davis set this whole thing up when Nathan told everyone that he thought Ritchie had something to do with Bart going over the deep end and Ben getting framed for involvement in the whole mess.

Did you get all that?

JACKSON:  We're going to nail his ass.
JEREMY:  Jackson, there's nothing to nail.
ADAM:  I wouldn't say that.
JEREMY:  We just want to find out why Bart was going on his show.
NATHAN:  Nobody ponies up that much money for thoughts on jail.
DAVIS:  Just get him to talk as quick as you can.
ME:  Why?  Do we only have a limited amount of recording time?
DAVIS:  No, I just want to make sure we get what we need before you two start humping.
JOEY:  Is all of this legal?
NATHAN:  We'll worry about that later.

I'm sure that won't come back to bite us in the--

NATHAN:  Do not screw this up.
ME:  What am I getting out of this?
JEREMY:  Our undying respect.
NATHAN:  And a thousand bucks.

I didn't even hear the first part.

Ritchie was waiting for me in his office after lunch.

Unfortunately for me, he wasn't in a talking mood.

RITCHIE:  Take off your pants.
ME:  I was hoping we could...say things first.

Somewhere I could hear the queens groaning.

RITCHIE:  Oh God.
ME:  What?
RITCHIE:  Is this when you lay the 'L' word on me?
M:  Lesbians?
RITCHIE:  Love.
ME:  Love?!?  No!  Nooo.  No no no.
RITCHIE:  Great.  Because that's the last thing I need.  Right now I just want you, on my desk, doing awful things to me.  Just avoid knocking over my Rhode Island Monthly Award.

I decided I had to take matters into my own hands.

ME:  Unzip.

Literally.

RITCHIE:  Ohhh Hank...

Here comes the squeeze.

RITCHIE:  ...ooohhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

I'd look away if I were you.

ME:  Why were you having Bart on the show?
RITCHIE:  WHAT?
ME:  Why was Bart coming on the show?
RITCHIE:  You set me up?  I'll kill youuuaahhhh!
ME:  Why was Bart coming on the show, Ritchie?
RITCHIE:  He...he...
ME:  Spit it out or I start to pull!
RITCHIE:  HE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH BILLY!

I dropped...well...it.

Billy?

RITCHIE:  Bet you weren't expecting that.

The question is--was anybody else?