Welcome Back, Jeremy

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

VOICE: Final stop--Providence.

I'm home.

--This is Wilde reporting on one of our homeboys making his fantastic return from the city that never sleeps to the city that's always hung-over. Good to see you again, Jeremy. Although I don't know if everyone will be so pleased... --

Leave it to Wilde. I was already nervous to begin with before--

VOICE: Hey Big Apple.

--there's my ride.

HANK: Miss me?
ME: Does Paula miss sanity?
HANK: That's up for debate.
ME: Just hug me.

I forgot that Hank's hugs can render you unconscious. Still, it felt good to be hugged by someone with some muscle. All my New York friends were beyond twinky. They were like...devil dogs.

HANK: So do you mind if we stop by--
ME: My surprise party?
HANK: You knew?
ME: You didn't make the facebook invite private, kitten.
HANK: Oops. Oh well. I can't think of everything.
ME: Tell me you remembered the alcohol.
HANK: Since when do you drink?
ME: I've spent the last three months in Manhattan. All I do is drink now.
HANK: Oh Jeremy, we should have sent you away years ago.

We arrived at Davis' swanky new flat in North Providence about ten minutes later. I hadn't talked to my best friend since I ordered him and my new--not sure what to call him--since I ordered him and Billy to get along while I was away from home. Billy and I e-mailed back and forth a few times this summer, but not as much as we should have, I guess.

To be honest, I wasn't terribly good at the correspondence portion of my summer.

Things got a little--

ALL: SURPRISE!

Never mind.

I looked around the room. Davis, check. Joey, check. Ben, check. Nathan, check. Eli, check. Cal, check. Billy, check.

That's--

Wait.

ME: Where's Carter?
HANK: Long story.
ME: Um--

Terrific. Someone I actually like...uh, tolerate...not here, yet Ben and Nathan were front and center.

NATHAN: How was the city?
ME: It was great. How's the second attempt at a failed relationship?
BEN: Whoa, someone's gotten bitchy.
ME: Bitchier. Where's the booze?
NATHAN: Are you sure they didn't send back a clone?
VOICE: The clone's already here.

I turned around and thought I was going to pass out.

JACKSON: Heyyy brother.

No way.

ME: What are you doing here?
HANK: Aren't you happy to see your twin?
BEN: Your twin that none of us even knew about until three months ago?
NATHAN: Your twin who's actually cool?

My evil twin.

ME: Jackson, what--
JACKSON: It's all a long story.
ME: Why are there are so many long stories around here?
JACKSON: That's a long story, too. Don't spend all your time talking to me. You must have missed your best friend and your--
ME: YES! I did.
DAVIS: Oh did you?

I knew Davis was poised to strike. I could see it the minute I walked into the party aka bear-trap.

DAVIS: How come you didn't call?
ME: I was busy.
DAVIS: And I'm not?
ME: I was in New York. You're in Providence. What were you busy with? Did Prisms have a block party that went past one o'clock?
JOEY: Wow, he's mean now.
ME: I'm just a little more direct.
NATHAN: A true New Yorker.

The only one who didn't seem to be paying attention to me was Eli. He was dancing around on a coffee table.

ME: Let me guess. He's drunk.
HANK: Don't worry. He hasn't hit on anybody--yet.
ME: Too bad Carter's not here. We could have pulled out the futon.
ELI: I heard that!
ME: Were you under the impression I was trying to whisper?
ELI: I think I hate New Jeremy.
ME: As for Carter--
JOEY: He got out of control.
ME: Moreso than usual?

There was a pause.

BILLY: He got a girl pregnant.
ME: And so you've all deserted him.
BEN: It was that or the 'it takes a gay village' approach.
DAVIS: We opted out.
ME: Wow, you're all shitheads.
NATHAN: Look who's talking.
JACKSON: Anyone want dip?

My brother had something to do with Carter's exile, that I knew. But I couldn't do anything about it right now. I still had to face--

BILLY: I was going to get you an I Love RI t-shirt, but they don't make them.
CAL: That's because everybody hates it here.
JACKSON: Oh, Jeremy, exciting news. Cal's directing one of the mainstage shows this year.
HANK: That's not exciting. That's depressing.
ME: What show?
CAL: Trust in the Llama.
ME: By Terry Bryce?
CAL: You know of him?
ME: I met him. In New York. He's a prick. And his work is shit. Who in their right mind would let you direct that?
CAL: Murray.
ME: What are you blackmailing him?

Silence.

CAL: Anyone else want to try this new pill with me? It's supposed to be like ecstasy but with more caffeine.
DAVIS: Club drugs at a loft party? Why don't you just do a laser show for us, Cal?
CAL: Fine. I'll be in the bathroom.
DAVIS: Don't get coke on my mirror! It's an antique!

Billy tugged on my arm.

BILLY: Hey Jeremy, do you mind if we talk privately?
ME: Sure. I'd love that.

Like I'd love a raccoon nibbling on my--

BILLY: What's going on with you?

He had pulled me into Davis' bedroom. Not really a place for conversation due to its history.

ME: I just...things got crazy.
BILLY: Okay. So you and I are--
ME: I think maybe we need to take a step back.
BILLY: A step back? You pursue me for an entire year and now you want to back off? What happened to you in New York?
ME: I just had time to think, I guess.

All I could think was, Please Billy, please don't make me say something awful to you to get you to leave me alone. I thought I could just snap at him like I did at the others, but seeing his face again made everything so much more difficult. He was still Billy. Still the one I wanted.

ME: It's better if we're just friends for now.
BILLY: So I spent an entire summer waiting for you for nothing?
ME: Hopefully you liked hanging out with Davis.
BILLY: Believe it or not, I did. He got me to open up a lot more.
ME: You or your legs?

Wow, that one just came out.

BILLY: You know, everyone thinks that you're the nice one and that Davis is the jerk, but I think maybe they're wrong about that.

He walked out of the bedroom. I wanted to follow him, but I knew it wouldn't be wise.

Hank poked his head in.

HANK: How did that go?
ME: About as well as the Hindenberg.
VOICE: Guys! Come look!

I rushed to the bathroom. The window was open and there were scattered pills all over the floor.

DAVIS: I'm going to kill Cal.
ELI: Um, he might have beat you to it. The window?

We all looked out of it. Davis' loft is connected to another building with the rooftop just one floor below. Down there, we saw one lone sneaker.

JOEY: That's what Cal was wearing to the party.
NATHAN: So where did he go?

We weren't going to find that out for a very long time.