Cliffhangers

Hi, my name is Eli.

This year, my friends and I have been through a lot.

HANK: They're going to cost us our reservation.

So to celebrate the upcoming summer, we decided to get together at the Cheesecake Factory, but some of our party was missing.

The people who showed up were acting strange, too.

ME: Carter, are you feeling okay? You look sick.
CARTER: I'm a Daddy.
ME: What?

* * * * *

Carter's House

CARTER: It doesn't even look like me.
CHERYL: That's because it's a sonogram photo, asshole.
CARTER: It can't have been me. I don't even like girls.
CHERYL: You liked me enough that night you came crying to my door.
CARTER: I was confused.
CHERYL: Then I guess I'm giving birth to a question mark, but you're still paying child support for it. This baby is going to have a Daddy in his life, even if it's a gay one.
CARTER: Eee...

* * * * *

HANK: Should I call DYCF now or wait another month?
ELI: Should I call them?
HANK: You mean the happy couple?
RITCHIE: Please, don't make me throw up.
CAL: Ritchie, how did that trip to New Hampshire go?
RITCHIE: Let's not talk about it.

* * * * *

Denton, New Hampshire

The Grand Theater

RITCHIE: Hi, I'm here to see the Artistic Director.
MERYL: He's dead.
RITCHIE: That's very funny.
MERYL: Who's kidding? He dropped dead this morning.
RITCHIE: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
MERYL: I'm not. He was a bastard. Who are you supposed to be?
RITCHIE: I'm an actor. I'm joining the company this season.
MERYL: Ha! Good luck with that honey.
RITCHIE: Are they a tough bunch?
MERYL: Let's put it this way. Burt didn't die on his own. The police suspect foul play.
RITCHIE: I guess that makes me Angela Lansbury.

* * * * *

VOICE: Eli Love? Party of--
HANK: You put our names in under Eli Love?
ELI: What's wrong with that?

Just then, I saw Billy walk in.

BILLY: Sorry I'm late.
JOEY: Is--
BILLY: Yes, he's coming. Why aren't you guys sitting?
CAL: We're waiting on...
BILLY: Right. The happy couple.
CARTER: Hey Billy, do you want to be a godfather?
RITCHIE: Anybody makes a fairy godfather joke and they're getting punched in the throat.
CAL: Speaking of happy couples, how are things going with you and Max going Joey?
JOEY: Um...okay...I guess.

* * * * *

Joey and Max's Apartment

MAX: Joey!
JOEY: Uh oh.
MAX: How could you?
JOEY: I'm sorry.
MAX: With him? Of all people?
JOEY: I'm just not good at this whole thing where you only stay in love with one person.
MAX: You mean a healthy relationship and a mature outlook on life?
JOEY: Yes.
MAX: Do your friends know you're cheating on me with one of them?
JOEY: I was kind of hoping to keep that a secret.
MAX: Keep hoping.

* * * * *

VOICE: We're here!

Everyone turned to see Nathan and Ben arrive.

HANK: Finally, we can sit.
NATHAN: Sorry we're late.
BEN: We got a little caught up...hehehe...
CAL: Eww.
BILLY: So much for eating.
NATHAN: Couples counseling has done wonders. And we never would have even thought of it if it hadn't been for watching Tell Me You Love Me.
CARTER: Aw, I'm glad you guys are back together. I missed having a happy couple in the group.
BEN: That's us. The happy couple.

* * * * *

Right before dinner...

BEN: Remember, we're only doing this--
NATHAN: Right, until--
BEN: You remember the deal?
NATHAN: Yes, yes, I remember.
BEN: Once I get Billy back, all bets are off.
NATHAN: Just remember what you promised me.
BEN: Please, how could I forget?

* * * * *

We all sat down and placed our orders.

ME: Does anyone know what shows we're doing next season?
CAL: Yup, and I'll be directing the second slot.
HANK: Cal, they don't let students direct the mainstage.
CAL: First time for everything.

* * * * *

Murray's Office

MURRAY: So you're blackmailing me?
CAL: That's such a nasty word.
MURRAY: What would you call it?
CAL: Career advancement by way of force.
MURRAY: If anyone finds out what happened--
CAL: Now why would I jeopardize my meal ticket like that?

* * * * *

We were halfway through our appetizers when we realized who was missing.

DAVIS: Thanks for waiting for me.
HANK: Don't mess with me when I'm hungry Davis.

Davis sat at the table next to Billy.

DAVIS: So, how's my new best friend?
ME: This arrangement still makes me uncomfortable.

* * * * *

The Train Station

JEREMY: Davis, do you really want us to get back together?
DAVIS: Not really. I just want us to be friends again.
JEREMY: Good. Because I'm choosing Billy.
BILLY: Yes!
JEREMY: On one condition.
BILLY: Damn.
JEREMY: When I'm gone, I need you and Davis to learn to get along.
DAVIS: Perhaps you didn't hear the word 'Choose.'
JEREMY: I heard it, but if you want me to be either your best friend or your boyfriend, then I need you two to get along.
BILLY: So we have to be--
JEREMY: Summer buddies. You got it.

* * * * *

HANK: Should we take bets on who kills who first?
CAL: I put my money on Billy. He's sly.
BILLY: Enough, you guys.
JOEY: Hank, didn't you say you had some big announcement?
HANK: Yeah, but why don't we wait on that?
DAVIS: Good, because I have news. We're going to have a new CBQ for the summer.
CARTER: Who?

* * * * *

Davis' New Place

Knock, Knock.

DAVIS: I'm coming, I'm--Whoa.
SURPRISE: Hello Davis.
DAVIS: Jeremy, I just left you at the train--
SURPRISE: Try again.
DAVIS: Oh God, you're kidding.
SURPRISE: Call it a homo exchange program. Jeremy's in New York, and I'm here.
DAVIS: And where are you staying, Jackson?
JACKSON: Is your bed available?

* * * * *

ELI: Twin brother? Jeremy has a twin brother?
DAVIS: And he's a piece of work. So be careful around him.
BEN: Why didn't Jeremy warn us he was coming?
NATHAN: Because he's a bitch.
BILLY: Hey, watch it!
HANK: He's having fun in New York, and we're stuck here.

* * * * *

A Bar in New York City.

JEREMY: This is so much fun. Thank you for taking me out.
IAN: No problem, Jeremy.
VINCENT: You're so inducted into our group.
ADAM: Definitive.
JEREMY: Well that'll be nice for the summer. I'm going to miss my CBQ's.
IAN: CBQ's?
JEREMY: Catty Bitchy Queens.
VINCENT: Omg, loves it.
ADAM: We could be like--your summer spin-off.
IAN: Def, nobody's cattier than Fashion Institute students.
VINCENT: Can't you just see it?
ALL: Catty Bitchy Queens: Fashion Institute Edition!
JEREMY: Oh man, am I in trouble.

* * * * *

CAL: Enough stalling. Announcement time.
ME: Are you going back in the closet?
HANK: Very funny. I actually did a little detective work, and...
DAVIS: And?
HANK: I know who Wilde is.
ALL: What?

* * * * *

A cafe.

HANK: Have a seat.
WILDE: Sure thing.
HANK: So have you just been creeping around this whole time?
WILDE: It's a long story.
HANK: I'm dying to hear it.
WILDE: First you have to promise you're not going to give up my identity.
HANK: Let me hear the story. Then we'll talk.
WILDE: Deal.

To Be Continued...