So Much to Live For

Hi, my name is Carter.

JEREMY: Traitor.
BILLY: Regret.
BEN: Dark secret.
DAVIS: Hook-up.
CAL: Manwhore.
ELI: Dirty.
JOEY: Eww...
NATHAN: Boyfriend stealer.
HANK: Destroyer of lives.

Those are also my names.

I am standing on top of a very tall building looking down.

It's a parking garage.
It's 3am.
I'm drunk.
I'm brave.
I'm ready.

I call Jeremy. His voicemail answers.

Hi, this is Jeremy...

ME: Please--

I speak through tears.

ME: Please forgive...me.

I hang up. Part of me thinks about letting the phone drop to the ground, but...the phone's expensive.

I close my eyes knowing I've made a mess of everything and I'm not capable of fixing anything.

A step forward, air, and then--

VOICE: CARTER!

I feel someone grab me and pull me back. We both fall onto the hood of my car.

ME: Eee...
VOICE: What the hell were you doing?

I turn around to see Jeremy lying beneath me. I get up and start to walk away.

JEREMY: Where are you going?
ME: I can't get anything right. Not even--
JEREMY: Not even doing a swan dive off a parking garage?
ME: What are you doing here?
JEREMY: Carter, it's Pride and you tried to jump off the nearest parking spot to the club. Odds were very good someone was going to stop you. Is it possible you're just looking for attention?
ME: I didn't think you would stop me.
JEREMY: Then why did you park next to my car?
ME: Oh, is that your...

That might have been intentional.

JEREMY: I don't want you to want to kill yourself.
ME: But I hate my life.
JEREMY: So fix it.
ME: I can't.
JEREMY: Yes, you can. You're young. I'm young. We have long lives ahead of us. One day I'll be a good enough person to forgive you, but it's not going to happen right away.
ME: But--
JEREMY: No! You don't get to be impatient in regards to forgiveness. You have to wait it out just like everyone else. The truth is, I don't really blame you for hooking up with Davis.
ME: I don't--
JEREMY: I mean, we all make each other out to have point signs over our heads. And we're all so starved for self-esteem we try bedding each other just to make ourselves feel better.
ME: Jeremy, I didn't hook up with Davis!

Silence.

JEREMY: Carter, don't lie--
ME: He told me I could say I did, because...yeah...I did want to be able to, but I didn't really hook up with him. We were going to make it look like I did, and then you came into his apartment before he could have me text you telling you what I did and have you rush over and we were supposed to come up with a story and--
JEREMY: Why would he do that?
ME: Because he wanted you to go to New York without feeling bad.
JEREMY: So, you didn't--
ME: No, but now I don't think it's worth it to say I hooked up with Davis. Everyone's just mad at me.
JEREMY: Carter, I forgive you. I love you. Learn from your mistakes. Okay?
ME: Okay, but--
JEREMY: Gotta go!
ME: Um, all right.

Jeremy got in his car and took off.

ME: Well, that's a relief...I'm hungry.