The Checklist

Hi, my name is Hank.

NATHAN: The list is out!

I'm about to be the most popular boy in town.

JACKSON: List?
BEN: Every year Wilde puts out a list of the top ten best hook-ups to score in the state.
JEREMY: Proving that we gays aren't the promiscuous sluts the straights paint us to be.
DAVIS: Oh, it's completely harmless. Plus, I'm number one every year. So it's not like there's any point in checking.

We were all at Davis' house for some cocktails before the big banquet in his honor. Billy went over to Davis' laptop and printed out the list from Wilde's website. I tried to look nonchalant.

ELI: Hank, why are you smiling?

Uh oh.

ME: I was thinking of teddy bears.

Luckily, the list was its own distraction.

NATHAN: Billy, you're on here.
BILLY: Eww, hook-up lists are trashy.
NATHAN: You're number four.
BILLY: That's it? I was number three last year!
ELI: Jackson's number three now.
JACKSON: I am?
JEREMY: He is?

Jeremy grabbed the list, and read off the summary.

JEREMY: "Jackson is the hot new guy in town, whose already making waves. Get to him before he crashes." I'm going to be sick.
JACKSON: Sibling rivalry rearing its ugly head.
BEN: How come I'm not on the list anymore?
ME: Because they don't put taken guys on the list.
DAVIS: No, they have their own list for the homewreckers.
JEREMY: Oh Davis, I have some bad news for you.
DAVIS: Did they misspell my name?
JEREMY: No, your name is spelled correctly, but you're at number two.
DAVIS: WHAT?

Davis grabbed the list.

CARTER: Am I number one?
JOEY: Carter, you're not even on the list.
CARTER: How come?
BEN: It's supposed to be a list full of guys you'd like to get in bed. Everyone's already had you in bed. What would be the point?
CARTER: Ben, you're mean sometimes.
NATHAN: Sometimes?

Davis looked over at me with glaring eyes. This is the moment, I thought.

DAVIS: How the hell did you get number one?

Then all eyes turned on me.

JEREMY: Hank, you're number one?
BILLY: You?
JOEY: Whoa.
NATHAN: That's--
BEN: I don't even...
ELI: Wow.
JACKSON: Congratulations.
CARTER: Want to hang out tomorrow night?

Davis crumpled up the paper, walked into his bedroom, and seconds later we could all hear the sound of glass shattering.

Nobody was paying attention to that though. They were all still looking at me. And they were all thinking the same thing...

JEREMY...Why did I give up on Hank?
BILLY...He's kind of jacked.
JOEY...I wonder if he wears boxers or...
NATHAN...Sex with him was pretty good...
BEN...Did I forget to have sex with him?
ELI...I wonder if he can keep a secret?
JACKSON...Must have him.
CARTER...All the single ladies...all the single ladies...

Well, maybe not all of them.

JEREMY: We should all get going.

Everyone started to put on their ties. I just sat where I was and smiled.

Blackmail never felt so good.