Joey and the Other Man

Hi, my name is Joey.

ME: What is he doing in the Fish Bowl?

My ex-boyfriend is sitting in my sacred space.

BILLY: You didn't hear?
ME: Hear what? What was there to hear? There was hearing to be done?
HANK: Calm down, twink.
ME: What happened?
ELI: Max converted.
ME: He's straight now? Yay!
NATHAN: He's a theater major.
ME: What? Boo!

We were all standing outside the lounge. The only one in there with Max was Jackson, who Max seemed to be telling some kind of story to which involved flamboyant hand gestures.

ME: He's like an awful pirate.
BILLY: How--
ME: Never mind.
BEN: Just go in there and talk to him.
HANK: You're going to have to get used to him.
ME: I am used to him! I just don't want to see him ever!

Just then, Jackson got up and walked out of the Fish Bowl.

ME: Jackson, what happened?
JACKSON: He was telling me a story.
ME: Why didn't you kill him?
JACKSON: Is that what you do at this school when someone tells you a story?
ME: When an evil ex-boyfriend does--
ALL: Yes!

Jackson shrugged.

The door opened again and this time Max came out.

MAX: Well, I see you're already trying to blacklist me.
ME: Max--
MAX: Don't speak. It's my turn to speak. I was going to keep this to myself like we agreed, but since you're determined to be a dickhead--
ME: You're the one who suddenly loves theater!
MAX: Of course I love theater! I do drag, you cream puff!

Gasps all around. Just what I hate--public spectacle.

MAX: Maybe you'd all be interested to know that Joey cheated on me.
HANK: Is that all? He cheats on everyone.
ELI: Sorry Max. You can't date a chicken and then get mad when he flies.
NATHAN: Eli, that's--
BEN: Never mind.

Max smiled. He was going for the "Kill" button.

MAX: Does he always cheat with Cal?

Everyone turned on me.

ALL: WHAT?

I hadn't want this to come out. Before Cal disappeared, he and I had connected. It happened one night when we were both online instant messaging.

I think it's safe to say that AIM has caused a lot of adultery.

ME: ...He invited me over, and it just happened.
BILLY: Of course it did. You were hanging out with Cal.
ELI: That's like saying 'I was hanging out with a penguin and he just--'
NATHAN: Flew?
ELI: No, penguins can't fly.

Carter walked in at that moment.

CARTER: Hey guyyyys. What's up?
HANK: Joey had an affair with Cal.
CARTER: Oh. So where is he?
JACKSON: Good question, Carter. Joey, what did happen to Cal? Nobody's heard from him in weeks, and he hasn't shown up to any of his classes.

This is where I feel awful. Because I know something, but I can't tell, but I don't have a choice because I can't handle pressure.

ME: He's...um...

All eyes were on me. I had to lie.

ME: He's dead.
ALL: WHAT?

Okay, maybe another lie would have worked better.