A Free Man

Hi, my name is Carter.

JEREMY: So...that's it?

I'm a free man.

ME: Yup.
ELI: You're not going to be a father?
ME: Nope.
HANK: So the world's gene pool is safe for another generation.
JEREMY: Congratulations, Carter.

I got the news this morning in a text message.

"I guess I got my dates wrong. You're not the Daddy. Let me know if you want to hang out later. I'm going to Johnny Rockets. Peace."

I was so happy I almost peed. Then I ran to school and burst right into the Fish Bowl.

ME: This means no child support!
HANK: So you can pay back all the money you owe us?
ME: Nooooooo...But I can start going out again! Yay!
JEREMY: So we should plan on a celebration tonight?
ME: Yup! Prisms at eleven. Holler!
ELI: I can't. Early class tomorrow, plus I have rehearsal for my show tonight.
JEREMY: You mean Crapfest Community Theater Showcase?
ELI: Aww--Hate you.
JEREMY: Hate you, too.

Eli took off, but Joey walked in.

ME: Joeyyyyyy, can we go out tonight?
JOEY: Okay. Where are we going?
HANK: Nowhere with me.
ME: C'mon Hank!
HANK: No way. I've had enough gay clubbing to last me a lifetime. Have fun bitches.

Hank left too.

JEREMY: Well, the three of us will still have a good time. And we can always invite other people. We shouldn't worry about being so exclusive.
JOEY: Can I invite Jackson, Ben, and Nathan?
JEREMY: No, they're not cool. Don't even tell them we're doing this.

Later that night at Prisms, I was pretty drunk. Jeremy and Joey were trying to convince me to leave, but I wasn't hearing it.

That's the last thing I remember before waking up in some strange bed.

ME: Joeeeyyyy? Jeremyyyyy?

It looked like I was in some kind of nice hotel room. There was a bathroom next to the bedroom, and the door to it was open a little bit.

I got out of bed, wrapped the sheet around me since I was wearing my happy birthday suit, and peeked into the bathroom.

ME: Helloooooo?

Inside the bathroom was a big old tub, and some guy was laying in it. I went over and tapped him on the shoulder. He looked like he was about my age.

ME: Excuse meee? Can you--?

That's when I noticed he wasn't breathing.

ME: Uh oh.

And freedom had tasted so nice, too.