NATHAN: This is going to end badly.
I'm at a big gay banquet.
Davis was at the dais...wait...yes, that's right.
Jackson was sitting a few seats down from him with the RI-TRI boys.
The rest of us were seated at a table right down front.
BEN: I'm not nearly drunk enough to be here.
HANK: We should have pre-gamed more.
JEREMY: Guys, can we remember that this is Davis' night?
CARTER: I'm surprised you're even here, Jeremy.
BILLY: Shut up, Carter.
JEREMY: Why?
CARTER: Oh, he doesn't know?
JEREMY: Know what?
JOEY: What doesn't he know?
JEREMY: Joey, I can handle this. What's going on?
Billy smacked Carter.
CARTER: Ouch!
BILLY: I knew I shouldn't have said anything to you.
CARTER: I thought he knew Davis was sleeping with Jackson.
JEREMY: WHAT?
Before any of us could stop him, Jeremy walked up onto the dais, and right up to the man of honor.
JEREMY: Are you sleeping with my brother?
DAVIS: Jeremy, to be fair, I think of you when I'm with him.
JEREMY: Of course you do. HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!
Jackson made his way over to Jeremy.
Bad idea.
JACKSON: Is there a problem here?
JEREMY: Yes, YOU! You are trying to destroy my life.
DAVIS: Would this be the wrong time to suggest a threeway?
Jeremy walked over to the podium.
ELI: Waiter! Make sure that microphone is on!
This was going to be good.
JEREMY: Attention, everyone. I would just like to tell you a few things about my best friend, John Davis, and our man of honor tonight. Some things that many of you may not know. For instance, he cries every time he watches Angels in the Outfield and Bambi and Beethoven's 2nd. He once used saran wrap as a contraceptive. He makes lasagna naked.
Joey yelped.
HANK: You've eaten that lasagna, haven't you?
JOEY: I need to go to the men's room.
BEN: Please, he's eaten worse than that.
Jeremy tapped the microphone.
JEREMY: Tonight, though, he's outdone himself. He's lost his best friend. Thank you, enjoy your stuffed chicken.
Jeremy got down off the dais and ran off. Davis went after him.
BILLY: Way to go, Carter.
CARTER: I just thought--
HANK: You never think!
NATHAN: Here they go.
HANK: Was anyone asking your opinion?
BEN: Hey! I need my drink refilled.
I decided I couldn't take the bickering, so I went for a walk around the room. I made it to the open bar when I walked right into Skyler.
SKYLER: Hey, fancy seeing you here.
ME: I'd be grateful if you kept that to yourself.
SKYLER: Sure thing. You look really nice tonight.
ME: Thanks. Bartender!
Just then, for no reason, Skyler leaned in towards me.
ME: Whoa! Okay, that's it. I quit!
SKYLER: Quit? Quit what?
ME: The show. I can't do this. I can't deal with the sexual harrassment.
SKYLER: What are you talking about?
ME: Just then, you tried to--
SKYLER: I was going to whisper that the guy behind you was about to grab your ass.
I turned around to see a rather old man trying to look nonchalant.
ME: Oh, um...sorry.
SKYLER: Yeah, I'm sorry, too. Sorry that I cast you. Good luck finding another show to do.
He started to walk away.
ME: Wait! Can't I take back what I said?
SKYLER: Uh, let me think--No. Later Eli.
Skyler headed back to his table, while I waited for the bartender.
I was going to need a bigger drink than I thought.
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