Take a Number

Hi, my name is Jackson.

Knock, knock.

I'm the hottest ticket in town.

ME: Carter, what a surprise.
CARTER: Can I borrow some sugar?
ME: For what?
CARTER: I want to bake muffins.
ME: You bake?
CARTER: Sometimes.

Ohhh, it begins.

ME: You want sex, don't you, Carter?
CARTER: Nooooo.
ME: I'm number one on Wilde's list, and you want to sleep with me because that's the only way you develop any sense of pride in yourself, right?
CARTER: Um...I'm wearing my nicest pair of underwear.
ME: Color?
CARTER: Red.
ME: Step right in.

I led Carter to my bedroom, and told him to hang out there while I refreshed myself.

As soon as he was tucked away, however, there was another knock on the door.

ME: Nathan, what a nice surprise.
NATHAN: Jackson?
ME: How did you guess?
NATHAN: You're wearing brand name clothing, so I knew it wasn't Jeremy.
ME: Good guess.
NATHAN: Is he here?
ME: No, he's out for the night with Skyler. Remember this afternoon at school when he said 'I'm going out tonight with Skyler?'
NATHAN: Oh, right. Well...I was just at home, and bored...
ME: And horned up?
NATHAN: God, yes.
ME: Follow me.

I took Nathan into Jeremy's bedroom.

NATHAN: I don't know if we should. Jeremy might be angry.
ME: He won't know.
NATHAN: Jackson--
ME: You could always leave.
NATHAN: Hey, don't be a bitch.
ME: I'm number one, remember? Strip down to your...?
NATHAN: Cotton boxers.
ME: Lame. Jeremy should have a pair of blue boxer briefs Davis bought him for his birthday in his drawer.
NATHAN: How do you--
ME: I fold all his laundry. You think he's bad at dressing; you should see his folding.
NATHAN: Jackson, I'm not wearing your brother's--
ME: Hey, I have Carter in the next room waiting. Move it or lose it.
NATHAN: Hahaha...

Oh good. He thought I was kidding.

ME: I'll be back after I've freshened up.

I closed the door and headed back to the bathroom when there was--you guessed it--another knock on the door.

ME: Eli, what a nice surprise.
ELI: I'm drunk.
ME: How do you feel about sex in the shower?
ELI: Loves it.
ME: Excellent. Get the water running. I'll be right in.

He headed off the bathroom while I called Hank.

HANK: So let me get this straight. You went crazy trying to get me, and now you have me, and you're letting me go?
ME: I'm all about the chase, pumpkin. I thought you'd figure that out on your own.
HANK: Fine, but what makes you so sure you're going to get someone else?
ME: Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem. I am number one after all.
HANK: Only because you blackmailed Wilde.
ME: Hang on, I think I hear my pot boiling over. I might need to borrow your kettle.
HANK: I hate you.
ME: You're lousy in bed.
HANK: YOU MISERABLE--

Click.

Okay, let's see what's behind door number one.