Center Stage

Hi, my name is Eli.

JEREMY: Now remember what we talked about--
ME: Oh, give me some credit.

We were all at the opening night of Tommy. Nobody wanted me to go due to my somewhat inappropriate response to Joey being given the lead after I dropped out of the production.

DAVIS: No strangling anybody tonight.
ME: Would I show up just to cause a scene?
ALL: Yes.
BEN: I can't believe we just paid twenty dollars to see this trainwreck.
BILLY: You didn't pay anything. You got one of Joey's comps.
BEN: That's because he knew I wouldn't come otherwise.
BILLY: Cheap bastard.
JEREMY: Enough!

I was sitting next to Jackson.

CARTER: I'm excited. I love Tina Turner.
HANK: She was only in the movie. The music is done by The Who.
CARTER: Who?
JACKSON: Exactly.
NATHAN: Can we all keep in mind we're here to support Joey?
JEREMY: That's right. We're his friends. We love him.
NATHAN: Yeah, and god knows he's never going to get another lead role again. So let's support him now.

The curtain came up and the show started. Everything was going along fine until Joey got to "Sensation"--his big number.

Suddenly, a part of his costume fell off. Then another part.

DAVIS: Whoa, what the--
HANK: Someone didn't do a good job costuming this.

The back of his pants fell off, and you could see he was terrified to move.

JEREMY: It's falling off in patches.
CARTER: Did someone forget to put zippers in?

Jackson looked over at me.

JACKSON: You did this, didn't you?
ME: Jackson, how would that have happened? I couldn't have gotten backstage.
NATHAN: Thank God. Joey would have killed you.
ME: Of course, it doesn't take much to bribe someone.
BEN: Ohhh, this should be good.

Pretty soon, Joey was onstage in nothing but a few well-placed patches held together by loose threads. To his credit, he kept singing even as the audience was laughing hysterically.

BILLY: This is bad, bad, bad, bad news.
JEREMY: Yes, it is.

Finally, the few remaining patches came down, and a second later, so did the curtain, but not until Jackson looked over at Davis and said--

JACKSON: Didn't you tell me he had a bigger part?

And I sat back and smiled.