Big and Happy

Hi, my name is Nathan.

JEREMY: I'm not sure this was a good idea. Jackson is still recuperating.
PAIGE: And what could make somebody recuperate faster than a nice meal with nice people?
JEREMY: Are we inviting the nice people or are you referring to the Dirty Dozen you've released into our dining room?

Paige had arranged for a dinner with my mother, Nolan, myself, Jeremy, Jackson, and their Dad. It was sort of a merging of the families, but Paige had other plans as well.

As soon as Jeremy left the kitchen, she grabbed my arm and squealed.

PAIGE: Did you see that? He was totally checking you out.
ME: That's because you made me wear jeans from Baby Gap. I can't breathe in these things.
PAIGE: You don't need to breathe. You need to entice.
ME: Paige, I semi-agree with Jeremy. It's only been a month since the bus accident. I don't know if we should be exposing Jackson to my mom and brother.
PAIGE: OUR mom and brother. Besides, if Jackson can handle our dad, he can handle your family.
ME: You mean our family?
PAIGE: Exactly!

I started to think maybe we could all have a nice time.

And then we opened the dining room door, and a plate went flying by my head.

ME: That has to be a bad thing, right?

My mom was standing at the head of the table pointing at Jeremy and Jackson's dad at the other end of it. I'd never seen her look so upset.

MOM: You are a hideous, vile, and disgusting man!
ME: Mom!
JACKSON: No, it's okay. She's pretty much on-target.
PAIGE: What happened?
JEREMY: Apparently, Dad and their mom went to school together.
DAD: She was a bleeding-heart liberal.
MOM: He was a pretentious misogynist.
NOLAN: I'm surprised they didn't give you two a sitcom.
MOM: I am LEAVING!

Mom stormed out with Nolan right behind her.

NOLAN: Sorry, Paige. It looks like you're going to be splitting up holidays from this point on. Too bad. Your brother Jackson is sort of cute.

Paige looked upset, but I was actually relieved.

It wasn't that I didn't want to be fixed up with Jeremy.

It was that I was scared if it happened...

...I might fall in love with him again.