Cliffhangers

Hi, my name is Eli.

This year, my friends and I have been through a lot.

HANK: They're going to cost us our reservation.

So to celebrate the upcoming summer, we decided to get together at the Cheesecake Factory, but some of our party was missing.

The people who showed up were acting strange, too.

ME: Carter, are you feeling okay? You look sick.
CARTER: I'm a Daddy.
ME: What?

* * * * *

Carter's House

CARTER: It doesn't even look like me.
CHERYL: That's because it's a sonogram photo, asshole.
CARTER: It can't have been me. I don't even like girls.
CHERYL: You liked me enough that night you came crying to my door.
CARTER: I was confused.
CHERYL: Then I guess I'm giving birth to a question mark, but you're still paying child support for it. This baby is going to have a Daddy in his life, even if it's a gay one.
CARTER: Eee...

* * * * *

HANK: Should I call DYCF now or wait another month?
ELI: Should I call them?
HANK: You mean the happy couple?
RITCHIE: Please, don't make me throw up.
CAL: Ritchie, how did that trip to New Hampshire go?
RITCHIE: Let's not talk about it.

* * * * *

Denton, New Hampshire

The Grand Theater

RITCHIE: Hi, I'm here to see the Artistic Director.
MERYL: He's dead.
RITCHIE: That's very funny.
MERYL: Who's kidding? He dropped dead this morning.
RITCHIE: Oh my God, I'm so sorry.
MERYL: I'm not. He was a bastard. Who are you supposed to be?
RITCHIE: I'm an actor. I'm joining the company this season.
MERYL: Ha! Good luck with that honey.
RITCHIE: Are they a tough bunch?
MERYL: Let's put it this way. Burt didn't die on his own. The police suspect foul play.
RITCHIE: I guess that makes me Angela Lansbury.

* * * * *

VOICE: Eli Love? Party of--
HANK: You put our names in under Eli Love?
ELI: What's wrong with that?

Just then, I saw Billy walk in.

BILLY: Sorry I'm late.
JOEY: Is--
BILLY: Yes, he's coming. Why aren't you guys sitting?
CAL: We're waiting on...
BILLY: Right. The happy couple.
CARTER: Hey Billy, do you want to be a godfather?
RITCHIE: Anybody makes a fairy godfather joke and they're getting punched in the throat.
CAL: Speaking of happy couples, how are things going with you and Max going Joey?
JOEY: Um...okay...I guess.

* * * * *

Joey and Max's Apartment

MAX: Joey!
JOEY: Uh oh.
MAX: How could you?
JOEY: I'm sorry.
MAX: With him? Of all people?
JOEY: I'm just not good at this whole thing where you only stay in love with one person.
MAX: You mean a healthy relationship and a mature outlook on life?
JOEY: Yes.
MAX: Do your friends know you're cheating on me with one of them?
JOEY: I was kind of hoping to keep that a secret.
MAX: Keep hoping.

* * * * *

VOICE: We're here!

Everyone turned to see Nathan and Ben arrive.

HANK: Finally, we can sit.
NATHAN: Sorry we're late.
BEN: We got a little caught up...hehehe...
CAL: Eww.
BILLY: So much for eating.
NATHAN: Couples counseling has done wonders. And we never would have even thought of it if it hadn't been for watching Tell Me You Love Me.
CARTER: Aw, I'm glad you guys are back together. I missed having a happy couple in the group.
BEN: That's us. The happy couple.

* * * * *

Right before dinner...

BEN: Remember, we're only doing this--
NATHAN: Right, until--
BEN: You remember the deal?
NATHAN: Yes, yes, I remember.
BEN: Once I get Billy back, all bets are off.
NATHAN: Just remember what you promised me.
BEN: Please, how could I forget?

* * * * *

We all sat down and placed our orders.

ME: Does anyone know what shows we're doing next season?
CAL: Yup, and I'll be directing the second slot.
HANK: Cal, they don't let students direct the mainstage.
CAL: First time for everything.

* * * * *

Murray's Office

MURRAY: So you're blackmailing me?
CAL: That's such a nasty word.
MURRAY: What would you call it?
CAL: Career advancement by way of force.
MURRAY: If anyone finds out what happened--
CAL: Now why would I jeopardize my meal ticket like that?

* * * * *

We were halfway through our appetizers when we realized who was missing.

DAVIS: Thanks for waiting for me.
HANK: Don't mess with me when I'm hungry Davis.

Davis sat at the table next to Billy.

DAVIS: So, how's my new best friend?
ME: This arrangement still makes me uncomfortable.

* * * * *

The Train Station

JEREMY: Davis, do you really want us to get back together?
DAVIS: Not really. I just want us to be friends again.
JEREMY: Good. Because I'm choosing Billy.
BILLY: Yes!
JEREMY: On one condition.
BILLY: Damn.
JEREMY: When I'm gone, I need you and Davis to learn to get along.
DAVIS: Perhaps you didn't hear the word 'Choose.'
JEREMY: I heard it, but if you want me to be either your best friend or your boyfriend, then I need you two to get along.
BILLY: So we have to be--
JEREMY: Summer buddies. You got it.

* * * * *

HANK: Should we take bets on who kills who first?
CAL: I put my money on Billy. He's sly.
BILLY: Enough, you guys.
JOEY: Hank, didn't you say you had some big announcement?
HANK: Yeah, but why don't we wait on that?
DAVIS: Good, because I have news. We're going to have a new CBQ for the summer.
CARTER: Who?

* * * * *

Davis' New Place

Knock, Knock.

DAVIS: I'm coming, I'm--Whoa.
SURPRISE: Hello Davis.
DAVIS: Jeremy, I just left you at the train--
SURPRISE: Try again.
DAVIS: Oh God, you're kidding.
SURPRISE: Call it a homo exchange program. Jeremy's in New York, and I'm here.
DAVIS: And where are you staying, Jackson?
JACKSON: Is your bed available?

* * * * *

ELI: Twin brother? Jeremy has a twin brother?
DAVIS: And he's a piece of work. So be careful around him.
BEN: Why didn't Jeremy warn us he was coming?
NATHAN: Because he's a bitch.
BILLY: Hey, watch it!
HANK: He's having fun in New York, and we're stuck here.

* * * * *

A Bar in New York City.

JEREMY: This is so much fun. Thank you for taking me out.
IAN: No problem, Jeremy.
VINCENT: You're so inducted into our group.
ADAM: Definitive.
JEREMY: Well that'll be nice for the summer. I'm going to miss my CBQ's.
IAN: CBQ's?
JEREMY: Catty Bitchy Queens.
VINCENT: Omg, loves it.
ADAM: We could be like--your summer spin-off.
IAN: Def, nobody's cattier than Fashion Institute students.
VINCENT: Can't you just see it?
ALL: Catty Bitchy Queens: Fashion Institute Edition!
JEREMY: Oh man, am I in trouble.

* * * * *

CAL: Enough stalling. Announcement time.
ME: Are you going back in the closet?
HANK: Very funny. I actually did a little detective work, and...
DAVIS: And?
HANK: I know who Wilde is.
ALL: What?

* * * * *

A cafe.

HANK: Have a seat.
WILDE: Sure thing.
HANK: So have you just been creeping around this whole time?
WILDE: It's a long story.
HANK: I'm dying to hear it.
WILDE: First you have to promise you're not going to give up my identity.
HANK: Let me hear the story. Then we'll talk.
WILDE: Deal.

To Be Continued...

The Choice

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME: My baby's leaving.

I'm a little emotional.

JEREMY: I'll be back in September, Hank.

We all drove Jeremy to the train station to see him off. Me, Cal, Eli, Carter, and Ritchie. It was hard to imagine a summer in Rhode Island without him.

ME: Who am I going to do bad community theater with?
RITCHIE: I'm heading out again soon anyway. I got a job offer in Denton, New Hampshire.
CAL: Doing what? Herding cattle?
RITCHIE: Apparently it's a theater hub.
CARTER: I want to work in a hub.
ELI: You are a hub.
JEREMY: Can we not fight on the day I'm leaving, please?

That's when we heard the boarding call.

JEREMY: Okay, time to go.

Hugs were exchanged, tears were shed (I'm not saying by who), and he was gone.

CAL: Providence is down a CBQ.
ELI: I wonder if Ashley Tisdale would consider moving here.

Just then--

VOICE: Stop the train!

Then--

VOICE: Stop the train!

Wait a second--

CARTER: Is there an echo in here?

I looked to my left and there was Billy running towards us. I looked to my right, and Davis was running towards us with Joey, Ben, and Nathan right behind him.

They almost collided into each other.

DAVIS: Is he gone?
BILLY: What do you care?
DAVIS: Excuse me?
BILLY: What do you want to get him back so you can cheat on him again?
RITCHIE: Whoa, slow down. What's going on?
DAVIS and BILLY: I need to see Jeremy.
ELI: It's too late. He took off.
BEN: Great. Can we go home now?
ALL: Shut up, Ben!

Billy sat down on the ground and caught his breath.

DAVIS: I'll buy a ticket to New York. I'm not going to leave things this way.
BILLY: Just leave him alone, Davis. He doesn't want you.
DAVIS: Who does he want? You?
BILLY: That's what I need to find out.
DAVIS: Let me answer for you. He doesn't want you. He doesn't need you. You should just disappear.
BILLY: Why? So you can get him back and hurt him again?
DAVIS: He left me a message on my cell phone saying he wanted to talk.
CAL: So why didn't you call him back?
DAVIS: I'm not sure what I'm going to say--I need to see him in person.
BILLY: After I do.
ELI: We could all go to New York. I've been wanting to see [title of show].
BILLY: I'm not going anywhere with the Grand Slut of Providence.

Everybody gasped, or maybe it was just me.

DAVIS: You know what's funny, Billy? The only reason people like you is because they want to get in your pants. Because you're a big score on the Bang Me pinball game. And you're only a big score because you walk around like a prude and make people curious. But eventually your little looks are going to fade, and your innocent demeanor is going to get tired, and a new crop of hard-to-get twinks are going to parade into Providence, and then you're going to wish you had as much fun as I do. And whose going to love you then, huh?

Silence.

VOICE: Oh, I think I could.

We all turned around to see Jeremy coming back towards us.

JEREMY: It was the wrong train. Mine's been delayed.
ELI: That's such a Gossip Girl cliffhanger.

Jeremy approached Billy and Davis.

JEREMY: I love you, don't I, Davis? Even after everything?
DAVIS: So that's your choice then?
JEREMY: I didn't make a choice.
BILLY: Well, you need to. Jeremy, do you feel the way about me the way I feel about you?
JEREMY: I just--
DAVIS: I agree with the little asshole. You need to pick, and you need to do it before you head off to New York for the summer.

We all looked at Jeremy, who was looking from Davis to Billy.

JEREMY: Fine. I know what I want.

We all held our breath, except for Eli, who said--

ELI: Dun dun dun!

Down to the Minute

Hi, my name is Joey.

DAVIS: He's leavin...on a jet plane...

I've never seen Davis like this until now.

ME: He's actually leaving on a train.
NATHAN: Davis, when can you be out?

Davis is getting rid of his apartment and moving to a much bigger place outside of Providence. Nathan is considering taking the place--

NATHAN: I want it.

Considering over, place taken.

DAVIS: I'll leave whenever you want. I'll throw myself off a bridge.
NATHAN: That won't be necessary unless I find an infestation problem or something.

Knock, knock.

Nathan went to get the door.

ME: You need to go say good-bye to Jeremy.
DAVIS: It's too late. His train leaves in an hour.
ME: He missed that train.
DAVIS: What?
ME: He woke up late, or Hank did, and that's his ride, so--
DAVIS: I need to go--
NATHAN'S VOICE: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

Ben appeared in the living room with Nathan right behind him.

BEN: Davis, I want the apartment.
DAVIS: Fine.
NATHAN: You promised it to me!
DAVIS: I don't care. I don't have time for this. I have to go get Jeremy.
BEN: Fine. We'll come with you. I'll talk over the details in the car when--
NATHAN: Yeah right, asshole. Try again.

We all ran to the elevator. Then Davis stopped and turned to me.

DAVIS: Why are you doing this?
ME: Jeremy's my friend.
DAVIS: But I'm not.
ME: But I think you need closure with him if...
DAVIS: If what?
ME: I have a boyfriend.
DAVIS: I'm aware. And what--
ME: I might not always have one, and if I ever don't have one again, then I want you to be the boyfriend I have when I don't have one.
DAVIS: So you're pushing me towards Jeremy because--
ME: You need to get closure with that or the really complicated scenario I just described is never going to happen.
DAVIS: The laws of time, space, and grammar might prevent that anyway.
ME: We're running out of time.
DAVIS: To the Gay Batmobile!

And off we went...

If I Told You

Hi, my name is Billy.

JEREMY: So what did we learn tonight?

I learned that I'm destined to never get through a night on the town without a disaster striking me in some way.

We were all at the IHOP eating...pancakes, duh.

Jeremy, Ben, Nathan, Ritchie, and I had all decided to talk things out.

BEN: I want you back.
ME: That's not going to happen.
JEREMY, NATHAN: Hallelujah.
BEN: Shut up, you two!
RITCHIE: You know I leave for five minutes and all hell breaks loose.
JEREMY: That little tape of yours didn't help. Why aren't you on tour?
RITCHIE: I was, but then I got fired.
ME: Are you serious?
RITCHIE: Apparently sleeping with the choreographer when he's dating the director is not a good idea.

Nathan started to cry.

BEN: Jesus...
NATHAN: Please don't leave me!
ME: Nathan, you sound pathetic.
NATHAN: The only reason you don't want him back anymore is because you've got other options!
ME: What other options do I have?
NATHAN: Carter.
RITCHIE: Carter?
ME: Carter is not an option.
RITCHIE: You and Carter are--
JEREMY: Yes.
ME: No! We are not! Nor will we ever be!
RITCHIE: But did you?
JEREMY: Yes.
ME: No, well, yes, but--
JEREMY: I have to go. I have to talk to Davis.
ME: Oh my God! You're always running to Davis! Why don't you just get that you two are not meant to be together?

There was a silence...

Well, as much silence as you're going to get in an IHOP.

Jeremy picked up his maple syrup, and poured it into my lap.

ME: I guess I deserved that.
JEREMY: You deserve way more than that.

He looked at Ben.

JEREMY: But then again, what you deserve has never seemed to matter to you much.

He walked away. I was going to go after him but I felt Ben pull me back.

BEN: I'm not letting you walk out on me.
ME: Are you kidding me?
NATHAN: God, you're so lucky.
ME: Oh yeah, Nathan, I'm really lucky.

I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier and...

ME: I'll never have my first kiss again. Ever. He took it. I can't get it back. The first time a guy ever touched me. The first time a guy ever said 'I love you.' It's all tainted by the fact that he said it. None of it counts when a few weeks later he turns around and leaves you because a better deal came along and he already proved his point to anyone who doubted whether or not he could convince the sweet, likeable kid that he wasn't the dick people said he was. And now I'm different. He's the same. He kept everything he had, but I can't be the sweet, likeable kid again. I can't hear 'I love you' again for the first time. But in a way, I guess I'm lucky. Better that it happened now so that I'm not stupid enough to fall for it when another guy like him comes along again.

And I walked out on them.

But I only got as far as my car before I stopped and forced myself to take a breath.

VOICE: Hey.

I turned around, and Jeremy was standing there.

ME: Hey.
JEREMY: Sorry about the maple syrup.
ME: It's okay.
JEREMY: I just...it's hard to hear you shoot down me and Davis like that when...
ME: When what?
JEREMY: When he's the first guy I've liked as much as I liked you.
ME: But he's your best friend.
JEREMY: Yeah...I'm not sure what you do when your soulmate might be your friend rather than more than that. I mean, how can I ask someone to accept that my 'one' can never be them?
ME: I'd be okay with it, as long as I knew you were never going to sleep with him.
JEREMY: Well hopefully I find someone as understanding as you.

He came over and leaned against my car with me.

JEREMY: I heard what you said in there to Ben. It hit me right before I walked out the door.
ME: Kind of melodramatic, huh?
JEREMY: More sad than anything, but also not completely true.
ME: I'm pretty sure Ben was my first boy kiss--unless you count my Donatello the Ninja Turtle action figure.
JEREMY: Billy, your first kiss overall doesn't really matter. Every time you kiss someone it's like the first kiss. You don't know if it's going to be good, or great, or awful, or passionate, or sweet--if they're going to bite your lip, or slip you the tongue, or run their hand across the side of your face, or pull away slowly like they're scared you'll disappear. You can get that feeling every time--I do.
ME: But the first is--
JEREMY: Yes, it's the first--chronologically. But who cares? My first kiss was lousy too.
ME: And you're okay with that?
JEREMY: Of course I am. It was the first. Who ever does anything right their first time?

He smiled, and I smiled.

ME: I love you.

...Honest to God, I thought I said it in my head. I didn't realize I hadn't until he said--

JEREMY: What?

Then I knew there was no going back.

Enough is Enough

Hi, my name is Nathan.

BILLY: Nathan?

I'm on the warpath.

ME: Where is he?
BILLY: Who?
ME: Ben!

Funny, I hadn't even planned on going to Pride this year, and now here I was searching the crowd for my boyfriend trying to see if he was going to bee-line it for the supposed love of his life.

BILLY: Why would I know where Ben is?
ME: Oh, you mean you haven't taken him back yet?
BILLY: Taken him--what?
VOICE: There you are!

We both turned to see Ben coming towards us.

ME: Aha!
BILLY: Look, I really need to find Jeremy.
BEN: Billy, I'm so glad I found you.
ME: You miserable asshole.
BEN: I know you're upset, Nathan.
ME: Upset? UPSET?

Part of me wanted to strangle him there and then.

BEN: What do you care if we break up? You're in love with Christopher.
ME: Don't be ridiculous.

I kind of was in love with Christopher, but he called me today and told me he was moving to New Orleans, which means it's Ben or Singlehood, and the latter is not an option.

BEN: Billy, I want you back.
VOICE: Oh give me a break.

We turned to see Jeremy approaching.

JEREMY: I'd make a comment but I'm on my way back to my car and I'm in a bit of a rush.
BILLY: Wait, I need to talk to you.
BEN: No, you need to talk to me!
ME: NOBODY'S TALKING TO ANYBODY!

Everyone looked at me like I was nuts. Let them look, I'd had enough.

ME: I am so sick of everybody treating me like a late addition to the party.
JEREMY: But you were a late addition to the party.
ME: Oh, shut up. You think you're the little ringleader of this stupid group.
BILLY: Hey! You can't talk to him--
ME: Oh, hang on--the saint has something to say.
BEN: Nathan, don't be an asshole.
JEREMY: No wonder you wound up with Ben. It takes one to date one.
NATHAN: Okay, that's it.

I pushed Jeremy into the crowd. As he was going in, he grabbed me and we toppled into three or four twinks.

(Don't ask me how what was supposed to be a fight with Billy wound up being with Jeremy. I wasn't thinking very clearly.)

He, admittedly, was trying to fend me off, but I was going for broke. Then I saw Ben coming towards Jeremy.

BEN: Hey, get off him!

Billy yanked him back by his shirt and he fell to the ground. Jeremy was distracted in that moment, and I took the opportunity to trip him, and then he was down.

ME: Now you know who not to mess--whoa!

I felt an arm around my neck. Someone had me in a pretty tight stranglehold. I saw Jeremy look up at my assailant.

JEREMY: Ritchie?

From behind me I heard the strangler say--

RITCHIE: Miss me?

And I knew I lost the fight, and probably much more.

So Much to Live For

Hi, my name is Carter.

JEREMY: Traitor.
BILLY: Regret.
BEN: Dark secret.
DAVIS: Hook-up.
CAL: Manwhore.
ELI: Dirty.
JOEY: Eww...
NATHAN: Boyfriend stealer.
HANK: Destroyer of lives.

Those are also my names.

I am standing on top of a very tall building looking down.

It's a parking garage.
It's 3am.
I'm drunk.
I'm brave.
I'm ready.

I call Jeremy. His voicemail answers.

Hi, this is Jeremy...

ME: Please--

I speak through tears.

ME: Please forgive...me.

I hang up. Part of me thinks about letting the phone drop to the ground, but...the phone's expensive.

I close my eyes knowing I've made a mess of everything and I'm not capable of fixing anything.

A step forward, air, and then--

VOICE: CARTER!

I feel someone grab me and pull me back. We both fall onto the hood of my car.

ME: Eee...
VOICE: What the hell were you doing?

I turn around to see Jeremy lying beneath me. I get up and start to walk away.

JEREMY: Where are you going?
ME: I can't get anything right. Not even--
JEREMY: Not even doing a swan dive off a parking garage?
ME: What are you doing here?
JEREMY: Carter, it's Pride and you tried to jump off the nearest parking spot to the club. Odds were very good someone was going to stop you. Is it possible you're just looking for attention?
ME: I didn't think you would stop me.
JEREMY: Then why did you park next to my car?
ME: Oh, is that your...

That might have been intentional.

JEREMY: I don't want you to want to kill yourself.
ME: But I hate my life.
JEREMY: So fix it.
ME: I can't.
JEREMY: Yes, you can. You're young. I'm young. We have long lives ahead of us. One day I'll be a good enough person to forgive you, but it's not going to happen right away.
ME: But--
JEREMY: No! You don't get to be impatient in regards to forgiveness. You have to wait it out just like everyone else. The truth is, I don't really blame you for hooking up with Davis.
ME: I don't--
JEREMY: I mean, we all make each other out to have point signs over our heads. And we're all so starved for self-esteem we try bedding each other just to make ourselves feel better.
ME: Jeremy, I didn't hook up with Davis!

Silence.

JEREMY: Carter, don't lie--
ME: He told me I could say I did, because...yeah...I did want to be able to, but I didn't really hook up with him. We were going to make it look like I did, and then you came into his apartment before he could have me text you telling you what I did and have you rush over and we were supposed to come up with a story and--
JEREMY: Why would he do that?
ME: Because he wanted you to go to New York without feeling bad.
JEREMY: So, you didn't--
ME: No, but now I don't think it's worth it to say I hooked up with Davis. Everyone's just mad at me.
JEREMY: Carter, I forgive you. I love you. Learn from your mistakes. Okay?
ME: Okay, but--
JEREMY: Gotta go!
ME: Um, all right.

Jeremy got in his car and took off.

ME: Well, that's a relief...I'm hungry.